I AM DAMN PISSED.

WHOEVER YOU WHO LOOKS AT MY BLOG.

AND LEAKED OUT SHENGHAO THINGS..

SAYING ITS FROM MY DAMN BLOG..

WHATEVER.. SHIT YOU..

I LOCKED MY PASSWORD BECAUSE I WAN TO HAVE SOME PRIVACY..

WHATEVER FREAKY THINGS I BLOGGED ABOUT..

I DONT WANT OTHERS TO FREAKING KNOW..

MY LIFE.. MY THOUGHTS.. I DONT WAN I DONT WAN PEOPLE TO KNOW..

DO U FREAKING UNDERSTAND?

AND BECAUSE I SET MY PASSWORD, PEOPLE SAY I ACT DAO. PEOPLE SAY I KEEP BLOG FOR WHAT IF I WANT TO SET A PASSWORD.

BUT DO U KNOW. THERE ARE ALOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE I DONT WANT FREAKING PEOPLE TO KNOW.

CAN YOU JUST FREAKING RESPECT MY DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN PRIVACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NVM I'M GONNA DELETE THIS FARKED UP BLOG.

Stage 4? Last?

She's in stage 4 of cancer. I wonder if that's the last stage?

But stangely, Doctor seemed to have confidence in making her well again. Chris Goh did not say anything like, "She only have blah blah blah to live..."

Radiotherapy this wednesday. Heard that it's laser type, and not injections type. That's a huge relief. But the symptons are going to be the same as chemo therapy i think. Vomitting and mouth ulcers, hair loss etc.

Chris Goh said she's recovering at a fast speed. =]

I have learnt to cook a few dishes and i'm proud of myself! :)

Projects make me MAD!

Rushed home to do Charlene's part of her Lesson Plan.

It's freak alright? I have to help her do her freaking part when it's supposed to be her duty? The whole project looks as though it was just me and Jean's project. We did most of the work, and not forgetting Ivan too. He contributed superb and efficient powerpoints when we asked for it. In a very short time, He can produce splendid work too. I under-estimated his ability to be honest. I thought he was the kind of guy who slacked around and a free rider. He has proven me wrong. :)

Jean helped Char to elaborate the training objectives too. She'll be printing the report, and compiling it by tonight. Thanks girl for your wonderful printer and your help! *lots of laughter* You're the best!

Though we often had disagreements when we do projects, and often feel like strangling each other, But it's also very true that we make up very soon after each disagreement. I will voice out my unhappiness and she will do so too. Where to find such a good sister?

Mum's going for therapy sessions on Wednesday. I heard those therapy sessions make hair drop, make your mouth have ulcers. It's really terrible. Her bandage on her thigh is removed today. Her wound is still on the process to recovery, where you can see the inner flesh.

I think i disturbed her when i went in without notice to talk to her cos she had her hands clutched into prayer like shape.

I'm starting to feel more hopeful about the situation. It's important to let her know more about Jesus i know.

Btw, ShengHao treated me, Jean and Nicholas to pizza today. Went to Bukit Timah for a pizza treat. Nicholas was a huge eater, while me and Jean ate 2 and 1/4 pizzas each. Was teasing SH all the way about "Because you're worth it" - His supposedly crush. Found out that he kneeled down and ask his ex gf to be his gf at Mt Faber. Me and Jean was like SHOCKED! I would have jumped down right from Mt Faber if ever a guy do this in front of me. It will be so embarrassing! Luckily SH doesn't have my blog add and pw! :)

Everyday. A hectic lifestyle.The clock never stops ticking away.

I miss 4/3 guys anfd girls!

I'm so much looking forward to the steamboat gathering, which is happening next saturday with the 4/3 guys and girls. Really so much looking forward to it. Was telling Jack the last time when we went out as a whole damn group was in nov 2004.

I'm missing Shun Xing, Jack, Jie Wei, Sin Min, Jessie, Pekhar, Peixuan, Qian Hui, Katherine, Jialing so muchie! I miss my clique. I remember the guys rolling their eyes whenever I told them of my talk cock sing song tale, I'm the Mediacorp Ahjie.

Nevertheless, they still did when i told them over MSN just now. Shun Xing was like -_-""

But one bizzare question is, Why are we always eating steamboat whenever we gather? Weird uh?

My brother has been talking on the phone very often these few days. With a girl. *smirk* I hope he gets himself a girlfriend soon. So when he actually brings the girlfriend home, I can act like I'm the boss of the household and she can wash my feet for me. Wait wait, Wasn't that supposed to happen in Cinderella story? I was just joking. Really hope he can get himself a girlfriend. :)

Justine is entering the Infantry Regiment this coming friday. Good luck my brudder!

Speaking of Justine, i never fail to speak of Kelvin Yap. *schmiles!* He fell into the drain when we were at Jessie's chalet a few years back! He was like, still waving goodbye even when one of his leg was inside the drain. You should have seen it! The moment i saw it, I turned my back immediately and tried to hide my evil laugher. Laughed all the way from chalet till I reach Choa Chu Kang MRT. :-D

Project mates are messaging me regarding the project. Stressed all over again.

Man against Time.

24 hours. How much can i do in 24 hours?

I have been trying so hard to fit everything i wanted to do inside my one day schedule. But obviously, it still isn't enough to cover it all. Managing the household chores is enough, just enough to tire me out. Bathing the dogs is tiring, especially with 2 dogs around. Taking them down for a walk is even tiring. I'm more like the 'dog' who is taken down for a walk instead.

Lately, stress has been slowly building up in me. And the defensive wall in me, is slowly wearing out.

Tons of projects. Tons of stuff to study. Tons of household chores to do.

Flare at Pearly just now. I admit i'm too bad tempered at times. But you know what's the frigging answer she gave me when i ask her if she can help me with a teenie weenie small part of the business plan I was supposed to do for International Business? Xing Ling and myself are doing the business plan, but can't she at least help since it's her project too?

Cindy: Could you help me with the "keys to success" part of the business plan because i've been rushing this project which is due on tues and i realise i'm tight with time.
Pearly: I have a project due on tues too.

That was her answer.

Cindy : Wah you say until like IB not your project. Nvm nvm.

I can't explain or define the amount of fire i had inside me. Talking about it just makes me more irritated.

Anyway, bought this cookbook from Popular yesterday while I was buying a new assessment book for Janelle. Simple but yet delicious dishes. Will try cooking soon, and i'll upload pictures of it yea?

Training Development Project is 90% completed. Needs compilation.
Finished studying for Industrial Relation Test.
International Business's business plan is 50% completed.
Meeting Claryn, Pearly and Xing Ling online for IB discussion @ 630pm.

I'm tired with school.

Praise the Lord, he has never forsaken me!

I'm getting really busy with projects and tests. Have been staying up till 2-3am plus for the few previous night to discuss and complete my project. It was really tough, and i believe the tough will keep coming. No matter how tough it may seem, i'll continue moving on because the sunshine will be here soon.

Have a great piece of news to share with those who are reading my blog now. We are currently receiving financial aid from NKF Cancer Fund, with a monthly aid of $800 for a period of 6 months. It's better than nothing actually. Will really help us a great deal although i thought the amount will be greater intitially.

Did a couple of things which busied me until afternoon.

1)Call CPF and enquire about DPS.
2)Look for SingPass and file application for DPS.
3)Call M1 to cancel Mum's line.
4)Call SGH for appointment.
5)Prepare necessary documents to be mailed to CPF, DPS.

DPS is Dependant's Protection Scheme, to which one is insured under a max sum of $44,000. Filed my application for DPS's claims as my mum is entitled to claims under physical incapacity, but needs case review. Hopefully, she will be able to claim under this scheme. Prepare some documents to be mailed over to CPF first thing in the morning tomorrow.

I finally finished my Person Analysis part of my Training Development project yesterday midnight. Rushed my project until a point when i felt like breaking down. Anlayze the results of my questionnaire and typed it in report format. Left with some parts of the project unfinished. Jean have been telling me not to be so stressed up from yesterday till today. Whenever i did my projects, i tend to give myself a lot of stress as i expect the best from what i can contribute myself. Sorry Jean for being bad tempered!

Yesterday was my 2nd month anniversary with Yibin. We met up after school. Helped his group to carry his stall's stuffs over to his friend, Hanqing's house. Deborah and me was like carrying the lightest stuff of all, while the guys carried boxes stacked upon boxes. Anyway, we went to Cineleisure to watch "War of the Worlds". Best movie i have ever watched. 5 stars over 5 stars. But i hate the little girl's scream. Watch it and you will know what i mean. It's super irritating and like, killing chickens. I'm glad the both of us made efforts to meet up, though we were very busy the past few weeks with our own projects and other stuffs. Did not had much time to meet up actually.

He's setting up a Nacho stall in the NP library, along with his project group. Bubble tea area. Please go and support k? The nachos are nice ok! You will know what I mean when you taste it. So go and buy one NOW!

He's going over to China on 17th July for 6 days i think, with his specialisation. HOW NICE!

Actually almost my whole class is going to Shanghai in August for a 4days 3 nights trip. It's freaking cheap too. $550. But i'm not going, will be left behind with Jean. Realised I have never gone on a overseas trip in my whole 3 yrs in Poly life. I always am the one who is in Singapore, envying others who went for their overseas trip. Always always. But i believe i will have the chance. I want to take my mum & family shopping in Hongkong/Shanghai when i start working. All expenses paid by me. Of course, i'll have to work doubly hard and save doubly hard. But no worries, i just want to see my family HAPPY!

Have a test on Monday. Thank God i studied 2 chapters already.

Update again.

hoping praying

Service was good today. I got to see my cell mates today, after like a century. It's always nice to see warm familiar faces, welcoming you and smiling at you. Just looking at them brings warmth to my heart. And the best part was, i got to catch up with my bestie friend Pekhar after for like 2 centuries. *grins*

After which, Dad came to fetch me along with Bro to hospital to fetch my mother! Cos she was discharged today! Praise the Lord for the speed of recovery and for even her early discharge by a day or two. Thank God!

Slept for a while after returning from the hospital. Was always tired after getting back from the hospital. But i did not have a good sleep. The afternoon heat and sun was scorching like wild fire and it was definitely making me have a sleepless nap. *groans* Wasted nap.

Yibin drove me to Teck Whye to buy claypot rice for my father and bro and myself. I can feel myself brightening up even as i walked towards his car. The thought of seeing him just cheers me up and seriously, wakes me up. Everytime i'm with you, there is nothing i can feel but happiness. Really nothing but happy happy happy all the way.

By the way, when I saw the small kids hanging around when my family + Mum reached home. I knew things were gonna turn bad for some reason. I had a hunch the kids would say something that would make my mum sad. I knew it. They asked so happily "Auntie, why your eyes like that one?" I stoned for a while, not daring to move, and definitely avoiding eye contact with my mum, and very quickly carrys on walking into the house. She heard it, but she pretended not to hear it but just walked inside quickly. I knew she was extremely sad inside, but chose not to express it. What can i do to take away all the pain that she's feeling?

And when we were waiting for Dad's car at the hospital lobby, she suddenly turned to me and said " People have 2 eyes, I only have 1 eye. I feel very xinku." Seriously, my heart ache so much at that moment. I was at a loss for words but i knew i had to say something to make her feel better. Told her that she is in a much better situation compared to those who immediately lose their sight of their 2 eyes at once. She seems to know all these but it just am so hard to register in her mind. I'm praying that everything will go easy for her, and that there can even be a sense of peace and calmess in her heart so that she can take everything in her stride.

*sigh* hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying

Chat in MSN with Rhys. Her new nickname is "Da Tou" aka Wu Zhong Xian's Mui Mui. Simply love chatting with her to bits and pieces.

constantly hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying.

禱告

God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Working hard on the scrap book that i'm going to give my mum. -Cancer is not a terminal disease- Inclusive are verses from the bible and well wishes from my friends in Polytechnic. At this moment, my printer is currently spoiled. Always manages to break down when i need it the most. I hate HP and Lexmark.

Hopefully, the cost of repairing the printer won't be expensive. Sim Lim cheap?

If not, i'm gonna get a Canon printer, as recommended by Yibin.

Realised i haven't been spending time with my doggies. Argh, i'm so guilty.