Floating Landscape.

2005-07-05T18:30:00.000+08:00

I AM DAMN PISSED.

WHOEVER YOU WHO LOOKS AT MY BLOG.

AND LEAKED OUT SHENGHAO THINGS..

SAYING ITS FROM MY DAMN BLOG..

WHATEVER.. SHIT YOU..

I LOCKED MY PASSWORD BECAUSE I WAN TO HAVE SOME PRIVACY..

WHATEVER FREAKY THINGS I BLOGGED ABOUT..

I DONT WANT OTHERS TO FREAKING KNOW..

MY LIFE.. MY THOUGHTS.. I DONT WAN I DONT WAN PEOPLE TO KNOW..

DO U FREAKING UNDERSTAND?

AND BECAUSE I SET MY PASSWORD, PEOPLE SAY I ACT DAO. PEOPLE SAY I KEEP BLOG FOR WHAT IF I WANT TO SET A PASSWORD.

BUT DO U KNOW. THERE ARE ALOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE I DONT WANT FREAKING PEOPLE TO KNOW.

CAN YOU JUST FREAKING RESPECT MY DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN PRIVACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NVM I'M GONNA DELETE THIS FARKED UP BLOG.

Stage 4? Last?

2005-07-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

She's in stage 4 of cancer. I wonder if that's the last stage?

But stangely, Doctor seemed to have confidence in making her well again. Chris Goh did not say anything like, "She only have blah blah blah to live..."

Radiotherapy this wednesday. Heard that it's laser type, and not injections type. That's a huge relief. But the symptons are going to be the same as chemo therapy i think. Vomitting and mouth ulcers, hair loss etc.

Chris Goh said she's recovering at a fast speed. =]

I have learnt to cook a few dishes and i'm proud of myself! :)

Projects make me MAD!

2005-07-04T17:18:00.000+08:00

Rushed home to do Charlene's part of her Lesson Plan.

It's freak alright? I have to help her do her freaking part when it's supposed to be her duty? The whole project looks as though it was just me and Jean's project. We did most of the work, and not forgetting Ivan too. He contributed superb and efficient powerpoints when we asked for it. In a very short time, He can produce splendid work too. I under-estimated his ability to be honest. I thought he was the kind of guy who slacked around and a free rider. He has proven me wrong. :)

Jean helped Char to elaborate the training objectives too. She'll be printing the report, and compiling it by tonight. Thanks girl for your wonderful printer and your help! *lots of laughter* You're the best!

Though we often had disagreements when we do projects, and often feel like strangling each other, But it's also very true that we make up very soon after each disagreement. I will voice out my unhappiness and she will do so too. Where to find such a good sister?

Mum's going for therapy sessions on Wednesday. I heard those therapy sessions make hair drop, make your mouth have ulcers. It's really terrible. Her bandage on her thigh is removed today. Her wound is still on the process to recovery, where you can see the inner flesh.

I think i disturbed her when i went in without notice to talk to her cos she had her hands clutched into prayer like shape.

I'm starting to feel more hopeful about the situation. It's important to let her know more about Jesus i know.

Btw, ShengHao treated me, Jean and Nicholas to pizza today. Went to Bukit Timah for a pizza treat. Nicholas was a huge eater, while me and Jean ate 2 and 1/4 pizzas each. Was teasing SH all the way about "Because you're worth it" - His supposedly crush. Found out that he kneeled down and ask his ex gf to be his gf at Mt Faber. Me and Jean was like SHOCKED! I would have jumped down right from Mt Faber if ever a guy do this in front of me. It will be so embarrassing! Luckily SH doesn't have my blog add and pw! :)

Everyday. A hectic lifestyle.The clock never stops ticking away.

I miss 4/3 guys anfd girls!

2005-07-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

I'm so much looking forward to the steamboat gathering, which is happening next saturday with the 4/3 guys and girls. Really so much looking forward to it. Was telling Jack the last time when we went out as a whole damn group was in nov 2004.

I'm missing Shun Xing, Jack, Jie Wei, Sin Min, Jessie, Pekhar, Peixuan, Qian Hui, Katherine, Jialing so muchie! I miss my clique. I remember the guys rolling their eyes whenever I told them of my talk cock sing song tale, I'm the Mediacorp Ahjie.

Nevertheless, they still did when i told them over MSN just now. Shun Xing was like -_-""

But one bizzare question is, Why are we always eating steamboat whenever we gather? Weird uh?

My brother has been talking on the phone very often these few days. With a girl. *smirk* I hope he gets himself a girlfriend soon. So when he actually brings the girlfriend home, I can act like I'm the boss of the household and she can wash my feet for me. Wait wait, Wasn't that supposed to happen in Cinderella story? I was just joking. Really hope he can get himself a girlfriend. :)

Justine is entering the Infantry Regiment this coming friday. Good luck my brudder!

Speaking of Justine, i never fail to speak of Kelvin Yap. *schmiles!* He fell into the drain when we were at Jessie's chalet a few years back! He was like, still waving goodbye even when one of his leg was inside the drain. You should have seen it! The moment i saw it, I turned my back immediately and tried to hide my evil laugher. Laughed all the way from chalet till I reach Choa Chu Kang MRT. :-D

Project mates are messaging me regarding the project. Stressed all over again.

Man against Time.

2005-07-02T16:16:00.000+08:00

24 hours. How much can i do in 24 hours?

I have been trying so hard to fit everything i wanted to do inside my one day schedule. But obviously, it still isn't enough to cover it all. Managing the household chores is enough, just enough to tire me out. Bathing the dogs is tiring, especially with 2 dogs around. Taking them down for a walk is even tiring. I'm more like the 'dog' who is taken down for a walk instead.

Lately, stress has been slowly building up in me. And the defensive wall in me, is slowly wearing out.

Tons of projects. Tons of stuff to study. Tons of household chores to do.

Flare at Pearly just now. I admit i'm too bad tempered at times. But you know what's the frigging answer she gave me when i ask her if she can help me with a teenie weenie small part of the business plan I was supposed to do for International Business? Xing Ling and myself are doing the business plan, but can't she at least help since it's her project too?

Cindy: Could you help me with the "keys to success" part of the business plan because i've been rushing this project which is due on tues and i realise i'm tight with time.
Pearly: I have a project due on tues too.

That was her answer.

Cindy : Wah you say until like IB not your project. Nvm nvm.

I can't explain or define the amount of fire i had inside me. Talking about it just makes me more irritated.

Anyway, bought this cookbook from Popular yesterday while I was buying a new assessment book for Janelle. Simple but yet delicious dishes. Will try cooking soon, and i'll upload pictures of it yea?

Training Development Project is 90% completed. Needs compilation.
Finished studying for Industrial Relation Test.
International Business's business plan is 50% completed.
Meeting Claryn, Pearly and Xing Ling online for IB discussion @ 630pm.

I'm tired with school.

Praise the Lord, he has never forsaken me!

2005-06-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

I'm getting really busy with projects and tests. Have been staying up till 2-3am plus for the few previous night to discuss and complete my project. It was really tough, and i believe the tough will keep coming. No matter how tough it may seem, i'll continue moving on because the sunshine will be here soon.

Have a great piece of news to share with those who are reading my blog now. We are currently receiving financial aid from NKF Cancer Fund, with a monthly aid of $800 for a period of 6 months. It's better than nothing actually. Will really help us a great deal although i thought the amount will be greater intitially.

Did a couple of things which busied me until afternoon.

1)Call CPF and enquire about DPS.
2)Look for SingPass and file application for DPS.
3)Call M1 to cancel Mum's line.
4)Call SGH for appointment.
5)Prepare necessary documents to be mailed to CPF, DPS.

DPS is Dependant's Protection Scheme, to which one is insured under a max sum of $44,000. Filed my application for DPS's claims as my mum is entitled to claims under physical incapacity, but needs case review. Hopefully, she will be able to claim under this scheme. Prepare some documents to be mailed over to CPF first thing in the morning tomorrow.

I finally finished my Person Analysis part of my Training Development project yesterday midnight. Rushed my project until a point when i felt like breaking down. Anlayze the results of my questionnaire and typed it in report format. Left with some parts of the project unfinished. Jean have been telling me not to be so stressed up from yesterday till today. Whenever i did my projects, i tend to give myself a lot of stress as i expect the best from what i can contribute myself. Sorry Jean for being bad tempered!

Yesterday was my 2nd month anniversary with Yibin. We met up after school. Helped his group to carry his stall's stuffs over to his friend, Hanqing's house. Deborah and me was like carrying the lightest stuff of all, while the guys carried boxes stacked upon boxes. Anyway, we went to Cineleisure to watch "War of the Worlds". Best movie i have ever watched. 5 stars over 5 stars. But i hate the little girl's scream. Watch it and you will know what i mean. It's super irritating and like, killing chickens. I'm glad the both of us made efforts to meet up, though we were very busy the past few weeks with our own projects and other stuffs. Did not had much time to meet up actually.

He's setting up a Nacho stall in the NP library, along with his project group. Bubble tea area. Please go and support k? The nachos are nice ok! You will know what I mean when you taste it. So go and buy one NOW!

He's going over to China on 17th July for 6 days i think, with his specialisation. HOW NICE!

Actually almost my whole class is going to Shanghai in August for a 4days 3 nights trip. It's freaking cheap too. $550. But i'm not going, will be left behind with Jean. Realised I have never gone on a overseas trip in my whole 3 yrs in Poly life. I always am the one who is in Singapore, envying others who went for their overseas trip. Always always. But i believe i will have the chance. I want to take my mum & family shopping in Hongkong/Shanghai when i start working. All expenses paid by me. Of course, i'll have to work doubly hard and save doubly hard. But no worries, i just want to see my family HAPPY!

Have a test on Monday. Thank God i studied 2 chapters already.

Update again.

hoping praying

2005-06-26T21:21:00.000+08:00

Service was good today. I got to see my cell mates today, after like a century. It's always nice to see warm familiar faces, welcoming you and smiling at you. Just looking at them brings warmth to my heart. And the best part was, i got to catch up with my bestie friend Pekhar after for like 2 centuries. *grins*

After which, Dad came to fetch me along with Bro to hospital to fetch my mother! Cos she was discharged today! Praise the Lord for the speed of recovery and for even her early discharge by a day or two. Thank God!

Slept for a while after returning from the hospital. Was always tired after getting back from the hospital. But i did not have a good sleep. The afternoon heat and sun was scorching like wild fire and it was definitely making me have a sleepless nap. *groans* Wasted nap.

Yibin drove me to Teck Whye to buy claypot rice for my father and bro and myself. I can feel myself brightening up even as i walked towards his car. The thought of seeing him just cheers me up and seriously, wakes me up. Everytime i'm with you, there is nothing i can feel but happiness. Really nothing but happy happy happy all the way.

By the way, when I saw the small kids hanging around when my family + Mum reached home. I knew things were gonna turn bad for some reason. I had a hunch the kids would say something that would make my mum sad. I knew it. They asked so happily "Auntie, why your eyes like that one?" I stoned for a while, not daring to move, and definitely avoiding eye contact with my mum, and very quickly carrys on walking into the house. She heard it, but she pretended not to hear it but just walked inside quickly. I knew she was extremely sad inside, but chose not to express it. What can i do to take away all the pain that she's feeling?

And when we were waiting for Dad's car at the hospital lobby, she suddenly turned to me and said " People have 2 eyes, I only have 1 eye. I feel very xinku." Seriously, my heart ache so much at that moment. I was at a loss for words but i knew i had to say something to make her feel better. Told her that she is in a much better situation compared to those who immediately lose their sight of their 2 eyes at once. She seems to know all these but it just am so hard to register in her mind. I'm praying that everything will go easy for her, and that there can even be a sense of peace and calmess in her heart so that she can take everything in her stride.

*sigh* hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying

Chat in MSN with Rhys. Her new nickname is "Da Tou" aka Wu Zhong Xian's Mui Mui. Simply love chatting with her to bits and pieces.

constantly hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying.

禱告

2005-06-25T10:25:00.000+08:00

God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Working hard on the scrap book that i'm going to give my mum. -Cancer is not a terminal disease- Inclusive are verses from the bible and well wishes from my friends in Polytechnic. At this moment, my printer is currently spoiled. Always manages to break down when i need it the most. I hate HP and Lexmark.

Hopefully, the cost of repairing the printer won't be expensive. Sim Lim cheap?

If not, i'm gonna get a Canon printer, as recommended by Yibin.

Realised i haven't been spending time with my doggies. Argh, i'm so guilty.

How to be a good and understanding GF for DUMMIES?

2005-06-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

My forte. Taking pictures. Non stop. My form of releasing stress. My form of having fun.

Took pictures non stop at Suntec City with Yibin today after accompanying him to Lavender to change his passport photo. His passport photo is soooo cute, like a xiao toot kia. *oops* That was when he was in Primary five. His newest passport photo looks like a Ah Beng. 8-\ To think that i was an Ah Lian in the past. *oops* I really am not in a position to say that Yibin looks like a Ah Beng! Hee Hee hee!

Yibin sent me to SGH though he was in a hurry to get to his grandma's place to help his uncle move something. Sweet uh? Thanks so much for taking the trouble to send me to SGH. And sorry for the un-necessary fuss that i kicked up yesterday night. It really happened when i was at the lowest of mood and i hope we'll just forget the whole damn thing. I want to be a good and understand girlfriend.

Any books like "100 ways how to be a good and understanding GF for DUMMIES?"

Mum's fever shot to 39 degrees. Fed her with the panadol pounded medicine. And kept switching the position of the ice pack for her. Doctor changed the temporary plate of "flesh" which was supposed to aid her in drinking and eating, if not the things she drink will flow from her nose. It's the piece of flesh which is between your upper right and left row of teeth, really have no idea what's that called.

I'm sure it bled a lot. This is so hard on her.

I'm tired. Meaning physically.

Sleep.

My lovely, ever wonderful besties.

2005-06-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

Just read Grace's blog and no doubt it brought back a lot of memories, and even reminded me of how she had been there all along for me and with me. I'm very blessed to have a friend like her. Only thing i regret is, why didn't we got into the same project group during our first semester in Year 1. Back then, did not really know her well since both of us were working with different people in different project groups.

I'm beginning to miss her company a lot, especially during tutorials and lectures. I miss the sweets and food that she will always bring along with her in lectures. *oopsie* I miss her laughter and all her nonsense. *another oopsie*

But nevertheless, we'll always stay in contact, regardless of the fact that we're in different specialisation. My Monday to Wednesday lunch breaks will always be reserved for you! *doesn't that sound a bit les?* I'm really so glad that all of us still put in effort to meet during our 1 or 2 hour lunch breaks and for the fact that, we are still as close as ever! ^^

And thank you for making efforts to visit my mother every now and then when you're free.

Speaking of my mum, she's feeling better now except for a slight fever. Yesterday evening, her fever shot up to 38.2 degrees. Nurse gave us a cold compression pack which basically is a ice pack. Kept letting the ice pack change positions between her neck and forehead every now and then, to make sure her temperature drops. Her leg is feeling better now, she can even get up and walk to the toilet on her own! Praise the Lord for her speed of recovery! All glory goes to you alone!

And i hope that Pekhar can cope with her studies and projects too. She seems so stressed lately. It's especially hard when you have to rush for your projects and meet your project mates on weekends. And it's not just a weekend, it's every weekend. I understand the stress that you're going through, but don't forget to even give yourself some well deserved rest too ya? Your body system needs a rest too my dear friend! :)

What's the best argument we can give those who ask why we have accepted Jesus as our Savior? How can we most persuasively bear witness to our faith?

"Always be ready," Peter urged, "to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you" (1 Peter 3:15). The Greek term for "reason" is apology. That doesn't mean a weak-kneed excuse; it means a convincing argument.

Always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you. —1 Peter 3:15

Don't think that because you aren't a philosopher or a scholar that you can't be an apologist. You can bear witness to the truth and power of the gospel. Your life can be your own best argument—your best defense of your faith in Jesus Christ—to anyone who asks why you believe.

So put your faith into practice. Let people see the difference Jesus makes. —Vernon Grounds

Lovely angels.

2005-06-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

Thank You Auntie Kwee Hoom, for the lovely flowers and the endless encouragements through sms she gave me. It reads:

Dear Siew Ley,

Wishing you a speedy recover.

Regards,

Westside Anglican Church

Mum might be discharged tomorrow noon or the day after. Praise the Lord for protecting her during the operation and for even ensuring that the operation was a successful one. It's tiring, to rush to the hospital after class ends. It's such a loooong bus ride with Bus no. 174.

Raymond came to visit today. Shirley and her boyfriend came to visit today. Anny the kind hearted soul dropped by everyday after her work to check on my mum's condition. I just feel God is sending me lovely angels around me, to help me and my family along this tough journey.

As the bus was passing by town, i looked up towards the sky where the lovely sun was hiding behind the clouds. Why, you may ask me? I wanted to spot if there was any angels flying among the clouds as i remembered there was an article which spotted an angel in the clouds.

But then something strike me.

I don't have to look for angels.

They are all around me, with me. All of you are such angels!

My tears gave way...

2005-06-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

I miss Yibin.

He kept wiping my tears away today in hospital. I teared when i saw the state of my mum's condition. It wasn't bad. I was just sad to see the stitchmarks across her face, which i wasn't prepared for. Her right eye was covered with a bandage.

She asked me not to cry when i teared in front of her. I'm so useless, i shouldn't have cried in front of her. I should have ran outside and just let the tears flow. I don't want her to feel that she's a burden to us, you understand?

I can see my brother fighting back the tears he had in his eyes. His eyes was red, and he kept walking up and down the hospital corridor. Probably because of the fact that there was a high possibility that we might have to give up our 2 dogs. Mum's elder brother talked to me, and asked me to give up the 2 dogs for my mum's sake. The moment he said that, i CRIED again. Walked over to Yibin and he kept wiping my tears away, while fresh hot tears kept rolling down despite my attempt to hold it back.

But i told myself, I have grown up and i must learn how to make choices. My mum or my dogs? I have to choose either one. I chose my mum. I began searching for potential friends who might want to keep my dogs. And i found Pekhar! Her family was willing to keep Beauty and pay for her expenses, and even told me that i can take back Beauty anytime i want to. I was very touched when i heard that.

Dad afterwards, told me that there was a solution which was to keep the dogs inside the laundry area. And take them down for walks everyday. In that way, the fur won't fly around and won't make my mum allergic or sneeze. I really hope this solution can work as everyone will be suffering emotionally if my precious 2 doggies is given away. Beauty is with me for 8/9 years, i'm sure i'll cry everyday. My mood instantly became better when i heard this. ^_^

Grace and her friend came to visit my mum too. It was so sweet of them to even give me a hug before they left. Their 2nd time visiting my mother at the hospital. Pastor Timothy also gave me a call to send his regards. I think my phone bill will be huge this month. I have no FREE INCOMING CALL! JI DAN!!!

A lot of relatives will be popping by tomorrow to visit, and i'm super worried that they might disrupt my mother resting. I know that they are just concerned but i'm also worried for my mother mar.

Hope Xiaohan will be able to get the job i introduced her through my precious friend, Szewei! Will be seeing Xiaohan, Shirley and Gwen tomorrow i think. ^^ And i seriously miss hanging out with PEKHAR!!! My dear friend, who has been with me through the ups and downs in my life, who has lend me her greatest support she can ever give, and who has given me enormous amount of encouragement, I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! Don't be too sad cos Tom Cruise broke up with you and is about to get married okie? I'll be here for you. Pssst, Brad Pitt told me he admires YOU!

Brother mopping the floor tomorrow. I'm vacuuming the floor. Dad is bathing the dogs tomorrow. Each one of us has an important mission. Hahahaha. Mission Impossible. I'm sleeping now. Thank you all for your concern. Especially Pekhar and Grace and Yibin.

Thanks for enduring through all my nonsense i have been giving you Mr Ralk. Thanks for being here for me. Just being here for me makes me feel better. ^^

Prayers works.

2005-06-18T10:48:00.000+08:00

Moshi Moshi.

Going down to SGH later with Yibin & brother. I'm so worried for my mother. Anny called me twice on my handphone at around 5 plus in the morning but i was sound asleep so she called my father instead to inform him that the operation is completed. Luckily we did not wait for the operation, if not we will go crazy, seriously crazy. Imagine, wheeled in at 4pm and operation finishes at 5am. There must be some delay in the operation theater which makes em start the operation at around midnight?!?

Father went down earlier at 6am. Nurse asked him to collect Mum's clothings and he wanted to see how she is doing etc. Father said she is doing okay. She can talk and stuffs etc. But i seriously hope she don't feel sad inside. Anything must communicate to us one right?

AH Yi just called me, asking for her ward and stuffs. Uncle is flying over from KL to see my mother.

I kept praying yesterday, for her safety during the operation and a heart of calmness when she wakes up.

MUMMY BE STRONG!!!!!

I'm scared.

2005-06-16T21:54:00.000+08:00

I'm scared. I'm afraid everything will go wrong at the last minute. Do i have the right to feel this way? Do i have the freedom to feel this way?

Spent the day with my family & mother at SGH in her ward. Sitting beside her bed, and just being there for her. Dad & Bro left at around 5 plus while i accompanied my mother till 8 plus. Auntie, my mum's elder sister came to visit her. Grace and her church mates dropped by and prayed for her. 3 sisters from Bukit Panjang church came over and talked to her and prayed for her. I'm really thankful for all these moral support that all of them have been giving.

These 3 kind sisters then send us home as one of them was driving. Auntie and me tagged along and they dropped us at Lot 1 since Auntie wanted to go Jest'D Place to listen to song and dance. I tagged along with her. She bumped into her male friend there and i just sat at the table and drank some vodka lime. Bumped into my aunt(Dad's sister aka Gwen's Mum). Kept waving at her frantically and she was looking at me like i was some crazy idiot. She finally managed to see who the hell i am after around 1 minute.

Anny just called me. She's Raymond's cousin and she's working as a nurse in SGH. She says she will be in the operating theater and will drop by a while to accompany my mum. I'll be droppping by in the morning to accompany and give my mother moral support. And then i'll most prolly go home and then go back to the hospital in the evening, during which she might still be unconsicous and in the ICU with all sorts of tubes inserted into her.

Prof Christ Goh, Dr Lim, 2 dental surgeons and the "ma zui shi" came over to visit her today. Everything sounds so scary. All the bones of her cheek will be taken out, along with her eye. Replaced with steel to support the structure of her cheek. And i'll know everything starting from her uneasiness starts tomorrow. All her usual complains of pain in her gums will be doubled starting from tomorrow.

What's the most difficult thing i have to face, you ask me?

To see her in pain.

Acceptance of Christ.

2005-06-14T21:11:00.000+08:00

I wanna Praise my Lord for everything that he has done for me. He answered my prayer! One by one, he answers them all. He is a faithful God.

Pastor Ong and 3 sisters in the name of Christ came over to evangelise to my mother. And also to visit her. I stood by and listened to them speak, even of their experience near death. One of the sisters had a brain surgery whereby she thought she would die, but she saw Jesus and Jesus told her that it's not her time yet and he send her back to earth. And at that moment, she woke up in the hospital bed. Jesus creates miracles!

They shared the gospel with her, very patiently. Understanding that she's tired and needs ample rest. My mum listened and i guess some of the things they asked and shared with her sets her thinking. And she accepted Christ. I was really excited and really happy for her. So much that tears formed in my eyes when we were praying. I wanted to just go and congratulate her and hug her.

Yes, Jesus is Real and Jesus is Alive and he hears our prayers. Prayers through faith. Jesus has called us to be his witnesses by giving our testimony of how he has been with us, and of his works in our lives. Jesus changes people's lives. He definitely changes me for the better. Jesus is my Lord. Praise the Lord, and may his works be glorified.

Back to myself. Life in school is plain sailing, stacked with endless projects. I'm slogging my way out every single night, rushing my tutorials and researching for my projects. Meeting Shenghao, Claryn and Charlene tomorrow for my Compensation Mangement project. I have so many groups that i forgot who i'm with and which project i'm doing for which. Absent minded me. Yeah, that's just me.

Gonna present my Industrial Relations project next week.
Training and Development project due in 3 weeks time.
Compensation Management is due soon.
International Business project presentation next tuesday.

I admit that i'm stressed, getting more and more stressed. But i gather that's just the normal cycle of a tertiary student's life isn't it? Everyone have to go through this and what really matters in my opinion, is how you manage your time and how much effort you put into it.

Went out with Yibin this afternoon. Though it was a short time, but i definitely enjoyed the time spent with him. I miss holding his hands, hugging him and resting my head on his shoulders so much. Dear, let's make more effort to spend more time with each other okie? I love you.

Footprints.

2005-06-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

Rejoice in the Lord!

Thank you Uncle Raymond, Gladys, Rhys, Emiko, Pekhar for coming over to visit my mother today. Really a big thanks to Raymond, especially. He came all the way down just to pay my mother a visit. He's a very nice friend. Sabrina said he's kind of like, on attachment to WAC. He's from a bible school i think. Great ambitions and great guy. Praise the Lord!

Pastor Ong and a sister is popping by my place on tues night to evangelise to my mother. I would like to see her receiving God into her life, and even receiving eternal life. But i know all these takes time and patience. I won't give up. End time is near, and the second coming of Christ will be soon. I'm happy yet unhappy. Why? If my family are buddhist, i can't see them in Heaven where i'll be going when Jesus takes all the Christians along to Heaven in his 2nd coming.

7 tears of tribulations is what they will be experiencing in Earth. God is a merciful God. He gave all these non believers 7 years to believe in him. 7 years of sufferings. God wants to see all of us believing in him, as he is our creator, our Father. Which Father doesn't want to see his children coming to him and seeking him and adoring him? He is the Father, who loves you for who you are.

My Father in Heaven, i trust you and i have faith in you. Every event is screened through you and each event is placed in my life in order to help me grow. Testing of my faith for you. Father, I will walk this with you till the very end. I know that You are always here beside me. I can sense and feel it, my Lord. I know that everything you planned in my life, there's a purpose for it and i shan't question why.

Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:4

I have a burning desire to share the following story with those who are reading my blog at this moment.

Footprints

One night, a man had a dream. He dreamed that he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed 2 sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life, there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most, you would leave me."

The LORD replied," My Precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trials and sufferings, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Time slows down.

2005-06-10T21:08:00.000+08:00

You may not understand why i locked my blog with a password. But i just felt so restricted from refraining myself to blog about some stuffs. And the feeling isn't good. I just want to blog my feelings about my day, and the events which went through my day so that I can even, remember it in future when i looked through my blog.

Today's good. Met Yibin during the morning to go to school together. Was a little late for Training and Development tutorial but well, Ms Tan didn't care about it so well, we don't care either. Class was like a mini market. Suddenly there were so many people in class, either for makeup tutorials from other classes or whatever. No one knows and no one cares. Everyone just did their own things, busy with their own stuffs. Jean and myself strolled for a while in my class before we found seats beside Claryn.

Time seems to slow down, and going to school just doesn't make me happy anymore. It's the company with classmates which matters, which motivates me to go to school and learn. I just miss grace and siew teng and regina so much.

Yesterday, i cooked Apple and Xue Li soup. Mum praised me for my new learnt culinary skills. Brother too. Dad didn't say anything, but there was not a single sip left in his bowl. And besides the soup, i also steamed egg tofu with meat on top of it. Beautified it with baby potatoes around the plates. It just compliments so well. When i see the happy smile on my mum's face, nothing seems to matter anymore.

Cousin Gwen came over yesterday to visit my mother. Talking to her was like stress relief therapy. She makes me laugh and forget my trouble. Asked me to approach her should i find any difficulty with the Cancer Fund Application. Still gathering the required supporting documents. Called Dr Lim and asked him if he could help us to fill in the doctor's section of the forms. He agreed immediately, and asked me to pass to him when my mum is admitted. He's such a nice doctor. :) *smiles*

I'm waiting for Yibin to come online. I miss you so much.

Amazing Love, How can it be?

2005-06-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

Anyone have any idea why i'm still wide awake at this wee hour? I feel like slapping myself for indulging in a 4 hours nap in the noon time, which explains why my eye just won't listen to my command. I'm such an idiot.

It's 2.11am and i'm sitting here, updating my blog silently. Biggest idiot in the world wide world. Any idea why i'm feeling such a moron right now? I'm an early bird and i absolutely doesn't like to sleep late. I mean, i don't have the habit of sleeping late. Unless i'm out or whatever, there's an excuse for it. But now..*strangles myself* It's just so weird not to sleep at this hour when most of the people are happily snoring away in their sleep.

By the way, i wanna give my praise to the Lord. I'm so happy, really so happy. Went to the neuro-surgeon this afternoon with my family. The thing which seems to be inside my mum's right brain seems to be some water collection, which might have been there since she was born. This, we don't know of course. But according to Dr John Thomas, we don't have to worry about it in the meantime. He advised us to go for the operation first to solve the big problem, before solving the small problem which was the thing in the brain.

Before he told us that, my hand was actually in my pocket, clutching onto my handphone tightly. And i could feel my handphone almost cracking. Nah, that was an exaggeration. Well, almost cracked. I was scared to hear the results, but i'm glad everything turned out fine. Praise the Lord! He has blessed us!

My mum felt very giddy this morning even as she was in the hospital. My father kept on holding on to her. And this was the first time in what seems like, a century, first time in so many years i have seen them holding hands. I should say, what has happened, has actually shook my father awake and made him realise the importance of my mother. I'm glad he's out from the control of the devil! Alot of things happened, which made me think that he has changed for the better. This could all be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps at the expense of my mother's eye.

I was sitting at the SGH canteen with my mother. And i asked if i could pray for her as there was a strong desire inside me which was urging me to pray for her. And so, i did. She said okie. And i held on to her hands tightly and prayed for her. I'm glad i did so. :) Thank you God for even giving me the courage to speak out my thoughts and even start praying for my mother openly.

Her right eye is getting more and more swollen day by day, and vision is failing day by day. Father Lord, i ask of you to even perform miraculous healing upon her, Lord. That her eye can even be healed Lord. That you can even minister to her Lord. I do believe in miracles.

10 more days before her operation. Let's continue to pray in faith sincerely to our Father in Heaven. I ask of your protecting hands to even protect her during the operation Lord. And to even help her to overcome any mental blocks that might even be demoralizing her Father Lord. And for even openess in her heart Father, that she can even be drawn closer to you Father Lord. That she can even be encouraged by the fact that you are always there for her Lord, No matter where she is, what she will become and who she is. That you are always beside her Lord. That she can even be saved by your mercy. Father I pray for her salvation, that she can even have eternal life too Lord.

Part of lyrics of a song keeps on replaying in my mind.

Amazing Love, How can it be?

That you, my King would die for me.

Amazing Love, I know it's true.

It's my joy to honour you.

In all I do, I honour you.

I'm really encouraged by all the friends who have been constantly encouraging me, and listening to my woes. I'm really really very encouraged. I'll stay and live strong. Friends stay true to the end. Friends are such a blessing in my life.

It's 2.39am. And i'm slowly drifting to sleep. Good night. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS WORKS!

The battle against Cancer.

2005-06-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

Yes, i watched the tv programme. The auntie who's the same case as my mother.

It pains my heart to even think that my mother would be in the same situation as her a few weeks later. The eye looks fake, but i assured and re-assured my mother that the eye looks quite real. I asked her not to think too much and think positively. I told her we will all be there for her. She replied me, I am not thinking too much, I just thought "Why me?".

At that instant, i have no definite answer. Why you?

Huiling and Sabrina prayed for me today in church service. Huiling told me that God isn't punishing me nor my mother by this cancer. She gave me lots of encouragement and advice. She told me Unfortunately when others are still enjoying their teenage years, I have to grow up and face the reality of life. And i have to grow up fast. I'm not complaining that i don't have the opportunity to enjoy all my teenage years but i'm just appalled by the speed which i have to grow up at.

Thank you Raymond and Si'er for even taking the opportunity to talk to me and express your concern for my mum even when your were about to leave for the Church camp. Yes, i remember what you said, Si'er. God is in control of everything.

The fight against cancer is a long and bitter battle. During which at times, one may feel like giving up and even just die to rid others of the burden. This is the time where encouragement and support from family members, relatives and friends come in. It's evident that support like this helps one to pull through all these trials. Cancer patients deserve my respect.

All the radio-therapy and chemo-therapy sessions might even cause my mum not to swallow even a single sip of water. She might even take 5 minutes just to swallow a sip of water. My heart cries for her, bleeds for her, yearn for God to take away all her pain.

We're not financially stable. I don't know which of us will be able to take her for all these therapy sessions all day long? How long will we be able to sustain? Dad can't afford to miss work, I can't afford to miss school, Bro can't afford to miss school. But i believe God will provide us with a way.

Spirit of God, my life you've changed.

2005-06-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

I was in a convenience store one day, standing in line behind a man paying for his groceries. When he was finished, the clerk sent him off with a cheery "Have a great day!"

To the clerk's surprise (and mine) the man exploded in anger. "This is one of the worst days of my life," he shouted. "How can I have a great day?" And with that he stormed out of the store.

I understand the man's frustration; I too have "bad" days over which I have no control. How can I have a great day, I ask myself, when it's beyond my control? Then I remember these words: "This is the day the Lord has made" (Psalm 118:24).

The Lord has made every day, and my Father will show Himself strong on my behalf today. He has control over everything in it—even the hard things that will come my way. All events have been screened through His wisdom and love, and they are opportunities for me to grow in faith. "His mercy endures forever" (v.1). "The Lord is on my side; I will not fear" (v.6).

Now, when people give me the parting admonition to have a great day, I reply, "That's beyond my control, but I can be grateful for whatever comes my way, and rejoice—for this is the day the Lord has made." —David Roper

When dawn announces each new day,Before you rise up out of bed,Rejoice—be glad and give God praise,And thank Him for what lies ahead. —Sper

A smile is a curve that can set things straight.

"Bless the Lord who satisfies your desires with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:5

Let's continue praying in faith.

2005-06-04T13:59:00.000+08:00

I realised my blog has been an avenue for me to release my stress, my worries and my thoughts.

Dr.Lim is a nice person. He comforted my mother and gave her encouragement. But he's a little blur. He keeps walking into the wrong room. And i'm so almost afraid that he might give the wrong diagnosis.

Dr.Lim says the tumour in my mum's brain might be benign. He will need the help of SGH's neurologist to confirm everything since they are the specialists. But he has already booked my mum for a 4 hours operation on 17th June. However, if the neurologists confirmed that the tumor has already started spreading, there's no way to cure her even if they operated on her nose and eyes. So let's continue praying for my mum alright? P.U.S.H. = Pray until Something Happen.

Thank you Sabrina and my cell group, who have been praying continously every night for my mother. Thank you so much so much sooo sooo much.

I guess it's quite a major operation. Neurologists, Dr Lim, Dr Christopher Goh and the dental doctors are all going to be inside the operating theatre with my mother. I'll guess i'll be skipping school on that day to lend my mother support and to help her pray. There'll still be a lot to do after the operation. All these chemo-therapy treatments. Guess she will be staying in the hospital for around 5 days.

Staff nurse briefed us on the operation. My mother might feel pain even after the operation, and she might feel like vomitting. All these, she needs to be mentally prepared. But all i know now is, her morale is quite low. Still a lot to be done to help her regain all her confidence level.

Dr Lim looks very serious just now when he told us about the tumour if it spreads. I controlled myself and forced back all the tears. I cannot cry in front of my mother. If not, she will think that she's a burden on us. No, i can't cry.

Let's continue praying.

A joyful but tired day.

2005-06-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

Aloha.

A busy day today, filled with joy.

Today's Training & Development tutorial was way cool. We stood up and introduced ourselves, using a word to describe ourselves and everyone will say "Hi Cindy" or "Hi Jean" or "Hi whoever". It's like a welcoming echo, just when you have introduced who you were. It's weird though, to conduct this on the last day of the week.

We played games, -knowing each other- games. And we has to throw a tennis ball to someone who is standing in the full circle, while calling out his/her name. Well, Claryn passed the tennis ball to me while i passed it to Navi, an Indian girl in my class. And we had absolute fun and laughter, while getting to know each other more during the game. And we manages to complete passing the ball in 1 second. Don't ask me how we do it, there was just a certain way and i'm lazy to type it out.

Met up with Cheryl, Sarah and Ka Yan for lunch during break. It was nice, catching up with them.

Went to International Business Lecture with Cheryl, and we left halfway. Oh ya, i think those who went for the China trip has to present the final presentation in front of the whole lecture hall sometime later. Good Luck, especially to Jean, Chong Ling and Wendy. I grew so envious of them while listening to Jean speak about her adventure in China and of course, all those shopping trips in Hong Kong. Thanks for the earrings and the cute handphone accessory, i simply loves it lotsa.

Cheryl got into the selection for the NRA Hip Hop Selection! I'm really so happy for her. *hugs* Well Done girl.

After i got back home, Dad came back to fetch me and Mum to Yew Tee as Mum wanted to have a haircut. Dad & me did some shopping in NTUC. And sad to say, it was the first time i shopped with my Dad in the NTUC in my 19 years. But i'm still glad God have changed him for the better. Really glad and happy. Nothing can express how happy i felt inside.

Came back home and prepared dinner. I cut my finger while i was opening the canned food. A deep cut. Meal was simple, but it was heartwarming.

Accompanying my mother to SGH tomorrow morning for the result for the scan, and to see what the doctor says. *cross fingers*

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

2005-06-02T16:20:00.000+08:00

"I know God won't give me something I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

--Mother Theresa

The Reality. Just makes us want to be stronger.

2005-06-01T21:32:00.000+08:00

"melody of handphone sounds"

me: "hello?"
father: "where are you?"
me: "bukit panjang plaza"
father: "mum has fainted at bugis. i'm going over to hospital to see her now."
me : shocked.. wasn't listening to what my father were saying afterwards.

I stood at the juncture of the pathways, and tears began forming in my eyes. All kind of possibilities ran through my mind. What ifs.. What ifs... and still What ifs... ?? Pekhar and Peixuan stared at me, not knowing what to do. I know they were lost, just like the way I was.

I rushed to the hospital with Pekhar in a cab.

By the time we reach there, Mum can be discharged already after rounds of checkups. She just looks so pale. There was no randiance glowing as usual on her face, and there was no smile on her face anymore. What replaces was emtions arising from pain. Endless pain it was.

She sounds very demoralized by what her looks was to become after the operation. I assured her again and again, but to no avail. She said she will just stay at home and cook for us. She doesn't want to go out as she feels so artificial. I'll keep on encouraging her.

Had a family meeting with Dad and brother just now. Dad asked us to be more independent and other stuffs which i shan't reveal here. :)

Agent is coming my house. Contacted my Coca Cola's boss, Patrick. His wife is a property agent, and i gather that it would be better to let someone we know handle all these transactions, lest we gets cheated by some fools.

Looks like my brother, my father and myself would have to take turns to take my mother for chemo-therapy everyday for the next 1 month after the operation. It's tiring, but its worth it.

I'm so tired now.

My thoughts.

2005-05-31T19:07:00.000+08:00

I think i might need to move to a 3 room flat as my father is the only one working in the family right now. And his income is not very stable. What's more, there's still the medical expenses to cover, for the operation, for my mum's chemotherapy and for the repayment of debts.

My father came inside my room, and asked me where do i want to live? Teck Whye or Bukit Batok? You know what, i really love this flat of mine, this room and all of it. But i guess i have no choice but to move. With the residual amount of money made from the sales of the flat, i really hope it can at least tide us over this crisis.

I have been feeling so down these few days. I have been doing a lot of thinking.

My mum will be going for her brain scan tomorrow. And the report should be out 2 hours later tomorrow. I'm so afraid suddenly, of what will the result be? I know i shouldn't worry this much, but i can't help it.

You know, there's been so much going on around me for the past 1 or 2 years. Indeed, it has mould me into a stronger person. Yes, a stronger me. But i'm starting to think, am i really strong for all these things which are coming my way?

Think my mum's eye would most probably be removed. Doctor says it might already be affected, but he just need a report to confirm it. I know she must be feeling so terrible inside. Beauty is the most important thing to a woman. She needs chemotherapy and all the chemo sessions will make her feel sick. And there would most probably be ulcers growing in her mouth, and she might not feel like eating most of the time. But you know what, i'm gonna be there for her all the time. :)

I was thinking, all these seem like God's plan to better my relationship between me and my family.

I hope my mother would be healed.

Jesus Christ be with me. I'll be strong.

2005-05-30T22:27:00.000+08:00

I don't want to be defeated.

I'll stand strong.

My mum has been diagnosed with nose cancer. And she's going for another scan on Saturday to see if the thing which is growing inside her brain is cancerous. I think the inside of her nose needs to be replaced by those steel thing cos it has been affected by cancerous cells. And if those cells affected her right eye too, her right eye needs to be removed too.

She's strong. She did not shed a single tear. But instead, ask me to take care of my brother if something happens since his immunity is low. Says she has nothing to worry about since we have grown so big. Says she will trust her doctor. But she said something which made me burst into tears.

I never knew it was something so serious.

Life is fragile.

Please help me to pray for my mother. Prayer is a powerful weapon.

Father Lord, i place my trust in you.

It's a blue blue day.

2005-05-30T17:31:00.000+08:00

First day in school just sucks to the core. Excluding the part when i was crapping with jean during tutorials, and bumping into with Grace and ST and Chongling at the canteen. Other than that, it either bore me to death or i was not enjoying it one single bit.

It just feels so weird to walk inside a tutorial room, without seeing anyone i know around. Instead, what replaces was lotsa strange and weird faces. However, i'm still glad i'm in the same class with Jean. Knowing she will be there for me cheers me up.

TUTORIAL CLASS ESPECIALLY IB TUTORIALS IS GONNA FREAK ME OUT.

Captured in my memory.

2005-05-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

I miss my grandmother. My sweet grandmother with a nice temper who speaks Hokkien. My grandmother who holds my little hand and send me to kindergarten for classes every afternoon.

She loves to stick a small flower onto the bun hair. She grew all those flowers with sweet scent outside our unit at my previous house CCK. She loves to spread a mat and lie on the floor to watch television.

I used to buy those cigarettes on behalf of her from the provision shop downstairs. I remembered it comes in huge packs. It looks like dry grass wrapped in paper.

I used to scream and cry whenever i found her missing by my side because i was so attached to her. I scream and i stamp my foot on the floor and scream at my mother to wake up and call to check with the relatives where is my AH MA! As it turns out, she was staying overnight at Shirley's place, but the moment she heard me crying, she promised to rush back asap. I'm sorry for being so rebellious.

I can't remember much of you, but i do know i miss you very much.

She was admitted to hospital when there was blood in her urine. She refused to go to the hospital but i remembered my daddy insisted she go to the hospital for a thorough check up. The whole family 4 of us, were sitting on the van, on the way to the hospital, i felt as though she was never going to come back. Yes, it was this feeling which made me look at her and hold her hands like she was going to part with us forever.

I can't remember the details. But i remembered the nurses tying her up with white cloth around the hospital bed because she was trying to get up and go home, when she obviously has to stay in hospital for observation. At that instant, i felt a sharp pain in my heart and i cried.

The last minute of your life, i wasn't by your side.

The ignorant me was still outside your ward, happily playing away. I wanted so much to go inside and bid farewell to you, but i can't. The adults doesn't allow me to go in, saying that it was inauspicious and not very nice for children to see these kind of things.

She passed away when i was in Primary 1.

It's so heartwarming to look at her photos and the things she left behind.

You'll always be in my memories. Forever and ever. Nothing ever changes.

I love you.

Jesus, i believe in You.

2005-05-23T23:31:00.000+08:00

Yibin asked me where should we go after lunch tomorrow? I told him maybe we should proceed to the toilet and shit. He drew me this. I just find it so cute. I mean, i thought it's quite difficult to draw something decent using the mouse? Great work. *claps claps*

I won't be going for lecture tomorrow. It's a 2 hours lecture only and the module is "Training & Development". It sounds so thereotical right? Since my dearest sister Jean isn't going to be here since she's in Hongkong/China for her exchange programme, i guess i won't be going 4 lecture. Don't know anyone from my class anyway. Jean baby, come back soon!

My brother is having his holidays now. I'm glad he's growing well in his faith as a Christian. I see him reading the bible every now and then. And he also reads my "Every Day with Jesus - For New Christians" booklet. And while chatting via MSN just now, we touched on the topic of Christianity. I'm so glad to see him walking this journey with Jesus Christ our Lord. Yes Father, thank you for answering my prayers. Salvation is here!

Yesterday, i looked through the entries of my previous blogs. And i noticed a significant change in the way i blog, the things i talked about and my writing style. Things have certainly changed over the last 1 to 2 years. From living a life with no purpose to living a purpose driven life in Christ Jesus. It has been a big change, a change for the better.

I used to get angry over the slightest things, complain over the slightest things. I took things for granted and i did not realise the importance of how some things are to me. I used to think i'm living in the worse scenario in this world.

Even reading through it, i could feel the child like thinking there was in those blog entries. I felt shame for even feeling that way in the past as i read through all the entries. Initially i thought i would feel very sad when i read about the memories of Ben and me, but i did not. I read through all these with a peaceful mindset, with no tears stinging my eyes. It was the biggest accomplishment i have had in months.

I realised all these were stepping milestones to what i had today. Through all the things i experienced, i learnt to be patient, to be self content, to be strong, to treasure the people around me etc etc etc. And of course, i got to know God better through these series of "obstacles". I accepted Christ and i was baptised.

I thank you God for the blessings you have showered me with. I'm thankful to you every minute every second, in all things. I won't hide it, Jesus I believe in you and i have faith in you.

"And without Faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6

Reaching for You.

2005-05-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

"I can't believe the way
Your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find You near
You lift me above my fears
And set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to You

And I breathe in Your breath of life that fills my heart
You are my all consuming fire

I stand here before You
In wide opened wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven
Revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You"

The past is gone, A new creation in Christ.

2005-05-22T16:26:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, i came back home from lunch with my cousin. I saw my mum drying the clothes. She looks kind of weary. And i wonder how many more years can she actually accompany and see me as i grow up? How many years more? How many?

Her right eye kind of swell up a little and it kinda have a black patch under her eye. It's not dark eye rings or whatever. But she looks as if she kana boxed by someone. It's that kind of black patch. Seeing her like this makes me worried and heartpain. Still don't know if it's just an infection or tumour. I certainly and pray hard that it won't be anything serious.

I'm so thankful for all the friends who has been supporting me from the very start. They shared all my happiness and my sorrows. These friends are indeed an important part of my life. You make me whole again. Thank you for all your understanding and encouragement. I really appreciate it a lot. =)

Just wanna tell ______ that persecution is part of Christian's life which all Christians have to face. Don't give up just because they persecute you and make you feel shame, instead continue to hold on to God's hand and let him guide you along and continue to glorify his name. He is our Father, our friend, our King. He loves you a lot. Don't turn your back on him because you know, no matter what you do, he will never turn his back on you. Let him come into your life and breathe in you once again, my dear. I'll be here for you no matter what. I'll give you the encouragement to enable you to go on. I'll be with you no matter what, just like our Father in Heaven will be for you. You are his little princess in his garden, do him proud.

Pictures of the baptism. Came a little late. But i guess better late than never, isn't it? Uploaded only a few pictures. Quite lazy to upload. It's so irritating typing the HTML coding and resizing the pictures. Thank You Shu Huai for the belated baptism present today, which comes with a really cute plastic bag. Thank You Sister for your lovely gift though i haven't opened it as it is with Pekhar.

Gonna meet up with Pekhar sometime this week. Haven't had a real chance to catch up with her ever since she came back from her trip. But anyway, her developed digital camera pictures costs a lot. $60 plus. But i just saw part of the pictures during service today. Germany is really cool.. Really beautiful sceneries.. I wanna go there too! Pekhar, let's go there when we r older ya? =)

Starting of the baptism service. Praying.

Getting ready at the pool.

Me submerged in water. Looks a little distorted. Hehehe.

Reading the prayer after emerging from the water.

Rhys getting ready to be submerged.

The past is gone. A new creation in Christ.

Candle ceremony insde St Andrew Cathedral.

Cindy Magdelene, Ivy and Tracy Tiffany. Beautiful lighting.

2005-05-21T19:06:00.000+08:00

Mum went Singapore General Hospital for a check up and a Pre Admissions test. She will be warded on wednesday morning at 7am, for some surgical test. It's a mini test, not surgery whereby they will numb her whole body and let her sleep and do some test on her. To see if there's any tumour growing inside. Hmmm i certainly hope not. Whole X-Ray, blood test, check up at the Ear Nose Throat Center lasted for 3 hours. And we were moving from department to department.

Dad drove us there and accompanied my mum for the whole check up. Hope this will allows him to know the pain my mum is going through, and even understand her a little better.

But anyway, i was sleeping on the van and then suddenly the van stopped. And i woke up, saying "HAH? ZHE LI SHI NA LI???" I woke up, seriously feeling blurred. And the backview of the place looks somewhat like a church. I was in a bit of shock too. Why will my father drive us to a church?

Anyway, it ended up he went there to pay respects to my 2nd aunt which i have never heard of until just now. She's a Catholic. Her name is Mary Ann See Seow Beng. Hmmmm Looks exactly like mine. 2 Christian names and the original name. Prayed for her too. I hope she's happy in heaven now.

Came back home and had a little nap. Mum had a nap too. Glad she slept cos she haven't been slping for the past few days. Hmmm, then woke up and called Chess King. Had a nice chat with him. Vacuumed and mop the whole house, which made me sweat like mad. Result of not exercising. Xiao Peng You, Bu Yao Mo Fang Jie Jie Never Exercise okie? Jie Jie Shi You Lian Guo De Oh.

I'm not giving up hope. I still have faith and trust in my God, Jesus Christ.

God has been speaking to me recently through verses, spelling the thoughts which are on my mind and telling me that he cares and loves me a lot. Everytime i switch on my laptop, there will be verses appearing on my software which is so much like what's happening around me. He knows how i feel and what's happening around me. He knows everything. He should, since he's the creator of mankind and the universe.

"Cast all your anixiety on him , because he loves you." 1 Peter 5:7

It's funny the way things are. I'm always injuring Yibin. I stepped on his toe, i knocked his head, i knocked his nose. Little accidents are always happening. I'm a BIG CLUMSY ELEPHANT!!!! So sorry honey! I will try to be more ladylike from now on okie? You are the instructor, teach me how to be more ladylike bah! I love YOU!

Yesterday was my last day @ Coca Cola. Patrick took us out for lunch at Jack's Place. Hmmm, we had a 2 hours plus lunch. Took lotsa pictures with them. Will upload soon. Saw Nicholas & another NP girl there too. Guess his company took them out for lunch too. It's such a coincidence! =) They gave us lotsa premiums from Coca Cola. We brought back a foldable chair, and many more. Will take pictures of them soon ya?

Btw i love this blog skin.

Mum's sleeping. ShHhHhhH.

2005-05-19T08:52:00.000+08:00

Pictures of the steamboat dinner is here! *grins* Screams "FINALLY!" !

Stupid Regina, acting MONKEY.

Regina and Jasonz(her bf - UFO) Which stands for Ugly, Fat Old. She gave him the nick. :P

Me + Yibin, the Chess King.

Steamboat. *Yummy*

Me and the Dong fen! YAHOOOO!!!!

Regina and her choco, Chocolate Temptation @ some cafe in PS.

Banana Split.

ACT EXTRA!

Regina, Mun and Me. S.H.E.

Mun Mun & Me! =)

Updating this in the midst of work. Hmmm, Work's boring. Nothing to do! We're chatting away.. Hahahahaha! It'd my 2nd last day here.. I'm gonna miss this place and the people here..!!

I love my blog. Simple. Essence of simplicity.

2005-05-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

"... I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance." ~ Philippians 1:19(NIV)

I was down for the day until i saw this verse when i switched on my laptop.

My mum told me a lot of things. About my family, and stuffs about my ______. It made me think a lot, ponder and plan. I thought of all the past actions that _____ did. And all the cause and effect thingy. Because you did this, that's why we became like this.

All these talk made me downcast. But it also made me understand more to what my mum experienced throughout the years. Yes, i understand it has been so tough on her. And i definately would love the chance to be able to be financially stable in order to support her. I would love to give her household allowances, and ask her to go for spas & massages with me, take her for holidays and drive her around. :) It has been on my mind since when i was 12 yrs old. And i'm so glad i'm only 1 year away from actually, realising it.

Yes, i had a talk with my Sister Sabrina! I definately feel better after talking to her. Thank you for lending me your ear. Your ear has been a good listening ear. Hahaha. :) *HUGS*

Father Lord, I LOVE YOU!

2005-05-18T13:26:00.000+08:00

Can't help but to worry.

Hope my mum's alright. She's resting at home now after a check up at GlenEagles Hospital. She sounds so weak and tired over the phone. :( Hmmm. Her check up alone costs $500 after undergoing a nose cleanup. And there was lil lumps of thing coming out. Not really sure what that means but i'm definately hoping it's not some serious thing.

She will be going for another scan to see if there's any tumor growing inside her nose. And i think it will cost another $500.

Even more sure now, that i'll be working after i graduate from Poly to support my family. Hopefully i'll save enough money to even, pursue my university education. I do not wish to strain my parents anymore. It has been such a financial burden on them to put me through Polytechnic. The endless arguments over the fees. I know, i understand and i won't blame them.

A far fetched dream of being a nurse. Dreams are expensive to pursue. There must be willing sacrifices of time and money.

Thank You Regina, Mun, Yibin and Feng Yi for even helping me to book a taxi this morning for my mummy. All of you are BLESSINGS FROM HEAVEN!

Just 1 more year, Daddy & Mummy. 1 more year. 1 more year before i graduate. Hang on.

2005-05-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

Dinner with Grace, Siew Teng & Regina was great. Caught up with each other & joke around as usual. How time flies, especially when you're in good company, time just seems to fly past even without you realising. We had dinner at NYDC at Wheelock Place, and ended up taking pictures using Regina's digi at one of the stool tables there. Acted as if it was our own home, own privacy. But luckily, there were no people around as it was already past closing time. *phew*

Shall upload the pictures here soon alright? After REGINA send me. So Regina, see this yups? Click on me in MSN and send me the pictures now. And i'll send u the video that we took using my handphone. Let this be an exchange. You give me the photos, i give u the videos. Nice deal right? *oops* Hehehe.

Event at Orchard Mandarin was alright. Basically was there to stand like some display vases. Packed and load the dispenser, Ice Mountain mineral bottles. We stood there like goondos, and tried to focus on the speaker's speech on Equity, Assets, Cash blah blah blah. 60 over companies's representatives were there. Btw, Tommy's driving almost caused me to have an accident. He was driving on the 2nd lane and he forgot to slot in his cashcard for the ERP gate, and he was fumbling around for his card while his car went out of the 2nd lane and almost knocked onto another car cos his hands wasn't on the steering wheel. What a close shave right? And blur king KIN NG did not check the venue of the event carefully, and we were late for an hour. Other suay things include, Tommy was so pissed at the security guard for he blocked us from using the guest lift and insisted we use the goods lift so he kept scolding the 3 letter word.

Sylvia(Tommy's wife) told Tommy in the morning that me and her was fighting a battle in the night as i kept snatching the blanket in my sleep, which was of course, unintentional. And it was so funny when Tommy told me what his wife said. Hahaha. I slept with her at Tommy's place yesterday night. The bed was soooo comfortable! Oh gosh!

*sighs* Btw, my mum is going to hospital tomorrow to have a check up, and to see if she needs an operation. Hmmm, hope she will be okie soon. Gave her money for her to take a cab to hospital tomorrow. She's so pale. And she will be calling me when she wants to leave, so i can book a cab for her. Hais, really hope she can get well soon. It hurts to see her so pale, so weak and so tired everyday. I'm glad my da gugu is better now, after reading Xiaohan's blog.

Btw thank you Sister Celine, for always being here for me and caring about me.

Take care YOU guys.

I miss honey so much. so so so much.

2005-05-16T23:48:00.000+08:00

Reporting Live from Tommy's place.

Staying over at his place with Chen Yian. Just finished some Calbee Potato Chips and Coca Cola and watched around 10mins of Sex and the City and then came over to blog. Regina is not staying over as she will be taking over Rowena's telesales stuffs. Will be following Kin and Tommy to Marina for some Apex Roadshow Event, and we have to reach at 830am. It's super early which is the reason why we have to stay over as Tommy can drive us there! =)

And oh my, his place is really a nice place, with really moden interior designs. His fish tank in the living room is enough for me to take s amall dive inside. And he told us that each fish in his tank costs around 2k, which is a lot. Goodness ME.

And his doggie Coco seems to be super scared of me, maybe because Beauty & Rosy were with me just now before i came up, so the smell of other dogs on my body is still pretty strong.

Hmmm, anyway, i'm gonna be so busy this week. With tuitions and meeting ups and Youth Cell Retreat this coming weekend, i doubt i will ever have time for other things this week. Btw, i'll be going chalet this coming sat with my youth group! I'm so excited!

Help me pray for my mother okie? Looks like she might need an operation on her nose area for some infected don't know what thing. Hmmm. Think it might cost around 1k and i certainly hope we will even have the money to pay for it. But anyway, i'm sure God will bring me through all these. I have faith in Jesus!

I'm going to sleep now. *yawns*

Btw Yibin, don't feel sad about your hair ya? You're just not used to it! It will be okie soon in a while time. Anyway, i think you definately looks good in your new hairstyle. Hope we can even dig out time to meet each other as this week looks like a busy week ahead of us.

Will be having dinner with Regina, Grace and Siew Teng in town after work tomorrow. I'm sure it'll be a good dinner, with lotsa updates and stuffs. Too bad Jean, Wendy and Chongling can't make it, if not, it'll be an even better catch up session! I miss hanging out with those girls mans. *sobs*

I ask of God's protecting hands to even protect these ladies and to even help them to safeguard their property well during their trip. May they gain wisdom and knowledge through all the business meetings conducted in Hong Kong, Shen Zhen and other parts.

Take care of each other over there yeaps? I'll missing all of ya whole lotsa. *muacks*

2005-05-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord. Completed my baptism. I'm so happy, i'm so glad that i have found YOU! Yes Lord, No doubt i'm so happy and so glad that i have YOU in my life. Father Lord, thank you for being in my life, and for even welcoming me in your family.

One funny thing was, i choked on the water when Pastor Timothy and Hui Ling helped me to submerge into the water. I came up, breathless and choking and coughing on the water. Not to mention, i was a living water fountain. I was spitting out water (heard from Rhys, din know i was spitting water out so obviously). And i accidentally cough the water onto Hui Ling's face, Oops. I'm so sorry, i din mean it.

Was actually quite blurred when Pastor Timothy drew the cross on my forehead as i couldn't see anything. My vision were kinda blurred from all the water which was in my eyes. But thankfully, my contact lenses din drop and it was still intact! =) And still blurry when i was reading the prayer in the water. "Fight valiantly under the banner of Christ . . . . . . . "

Any idea why i remembered that prayer? Well, Gladys, Rhys and I were actually dumb enough to memorise the whole thing when we were on our way to St Andrew Cathedral. We were testing and speaking out loud the prayer, trying hard to remember. Somewhat like last minute work. It was so hilarious, you should have seen the way we were talking to ourselves, trying to remember hard. *laughs*

After that, Candice my dearest and sweet sponsor prayed for me after she handed me my towel. She was so nice to help me carry my bag and towel from the church to the pool though it wasn't that far, but still appreciate it. Thank You CANDICE! =)

After that, changed into dry clothes and went into the church for another round of service. This time, each one of us shared our testimony using the microphone. Voice was super loud, but i'm glad i wasn't that nervous and everything went smoothly. Thank You Lord, for even helping me to get through this smoothly. Had a candle ceremony, sang some worship songs and then we had to stand in a straight line while the rest of the church came to welcome us into the big family by giving us hugs, handshakes, verbal congrats and presents. I din know that there would be so many presents! But very glad, and very heartwarming to hug all these newfound brothers and sisters of mine in e name of Christ. Thank You all for the presents SO much! *hugs* I can really feel the sincere welcome in their hugs.

And of course, Pekhar's finally back today! She was late actually, woke up at 915 while i was at Plaza waitin for her. Of course, i called her, sensing something was amiss. Ended up she was still sleeping. -_-"" But well, din want to waste time. Went to the toilet to tidy my hair and 7-11 to buy breakfast for her and myself. And then we took cab down to German Center.

I was baptised by the Holy Spirit during service today. Whole procedure was, I went forward to be baptised by the Holy Spirit, Pastor touched my forehead and prayed and i fell backwards and i could feel the Holy Spirit coming into me. And i started crying. Father Lord, thank you for not forsaking me during all these times though i had sinned before. I want to thank you for even coming into me and breathing and living within me. I can really feel your presence there today Lord.

Anyway, back to photos time.

Pekhar & Rhys

Switzerland's chocolate. Nice!

Chocolate in packaging which looks like cigarette.

Thank You Pekhar, for buying this sweater for me. It's so cool, i love it!

She bought a set of 7 dwarves too. 7 dwarfs is a group formed by 7 people back in AES, which includes my 6 other good friends and myself. I'm SLEEPY the character cos i always yawn, no matter what i'm doing.

Drew this and sticked it onto my office whenever we r out for lunch. It's lame, isn't it?

2005-05-14T12:56:00.000+08:00

It's 12.58pm now.

Going to be baptised later. I can feel God standing there, ready to welcome me into his big family.

Did my renounciation of ancestor worship yesterday night. I felt peace overcome me. Father Lord, i know you are always there, watching over me. I finally did my quiet time after countless days. I want to confess, i have been making excuses not to do my quiet time. I'm too tired to do my quiet time. But i realised all these are not valid excuses, I'm not disciplined enough.

Glad i made the effort to do my quiet time yesterday while listening to worship songs. Thanks to Gladys for even reminding me to do my QT. =]

I want to be God's lil princess in his kingdom of heaven. I want to do you proud O Father Lord. Draw me closer to you.

It's 1.05pm. I haven't packed my bag and i haven't bathe. Sharing cab with Gladys, Rhys and Gladys's Mum to St Andrew Cathedral.

To be frank, i'm a little disappointed & sad that my parents can't make it for my baptism. They have to work. I just smsed my father to ask if he would be coming. He called immediately, and apologize as he can't come since he hafta work. My brother is having his church at 4pm, can't go either. =(

Father Lord, i'm ready to gain entry into your huge family. My brothers and Sisters in the name of Christ, i'm coming! *hugs*

2005-05-13T23:29:00.000+08:00

It's Friday, the 13th May. And it's self declared Coussie's Day for Shirley, Xiaohan and Myself. It has been agreed that we shall live in harmony for this particular day, setting aside all disagreements, all differences aside, and settle for a happy and joyous day, appreciating these cute lovely pretty cousins of mine.

Shall follow the format of Kerin(Shirley)'s blog.

Anyway these 2 dumb cousins of mine has been calling me "Smelly Toufu Ah Sao" ever since they got to know that i went to eat Smelly Doufu with Yibin once. It's such an awful nickname, stop it please. *cheesez*

Introducing Shirley : 21 years old. We stayed in the same block when we were living at one of the oldest building in Outram Park. She stayed in the upper floor while i stayed at the lower floor. I forgot which level. But i remember we always hung out together and there will be this bbq outside my house's corridor, and all our neighbours and including Xiaohan & Shirley & Gwen & Ah Leng will be joining us. At that time, stil doesn't know them well and i was also too shy to talk to them. Ah Ma still made jelly, and her famous ngoh hiang. I think it was my birthday or something. I miss AH MA. Ah ma, you'll always be in my heart, forever and ever.

Introducing Xiaohan : 20 years old. Reaching the "Prime" time of her life where her age starts with a 2 instead of a 1. Only got closer to her when we were in secondary school. She was in CCKSS while i was in AES. Used to write letters often, telling each other how our life went, stuffs about relationships schools and families. I was always waiting for the arrival of her letter those days, and i got really excited when i received her letter. Remembered her telling me of her ex-boyfriend, Z__i____. Really glad to have her as my sister until now. It has been years and she never fails to cheer me up and even, standing by me all the time. Used to write letters with Shirley too. My 2 best friends, cousins and listening ears!

Shirley and Xiaohan, *hugs*. You two are such great sistas of mine. I want the two of you to be my bridesmaid in future should i get married one day. *smiles*

Just got back home from a movie with Yibin. Movie's great. (House of Wax) Met up with Alvin and his girlfriend before that. His girlfriend is sure a sweet babe. Alvin's my attachment colleague and also, Yibin's "Lao Da". *smirks*

Baptism's tomorrow! Getting really excited. It's at St Andrew's Cathedral, have to be there at 3pm. Meeting Rhys at 130pm. I hope she won't be late if not i'll let her see how a flying slipper looks like. *grins grins*

I have got to do my renounciation and quiet time now.

Shall upload pictures of baptism here soon.Pekhar's reaching Singapore at 9am tomorrow. I hope she will be coming for baptism. I wanna hug her when i see her. Girl, if u sees this, just wanna tell you i love u alot. I'm not a lesbian btw. *gees*

2005-05-13T09:20:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad that Pekhar's coming back tomorrow. My bestie will be around with me AGAIN!

Sometimes i feel i have so little close friends. I feel i have no one to turn to. It's so difficult to find even one person, who's on close terms with me, who will even understand my feelings. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness & helplessness struck me and i'm stripped of all i have within me, standing in the midst of the streets, looking as the world goes by.

Disappointment is what people sees in me.

Where's the peace i yearn to find within me?

2005-05-12T16:25:00.000+08:00

Dazed and confused.

It's weighing on me every minute, and it's making me breathless as the world spins past me.

2005-05-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

Was feeling super pissed with my hair today. Pissed at everything i see in sight.

I wanted so much, to rebond my hair temporarily. Actually had the tendency to rebond my hair at Jean Yip, was standing right outside Jean Yip, but did not enter because of the steep price. Decided on the teck whye salon, but did not go again as the rebonding effect will only last for a few hours since the rest of the time, i'll be sleeping and when i wake up, hair will be messy again.

Walked around for a while after buying the tops with them, and proceeded to Mac for a drink. Gladys shared about her experience with God, and Rhys too. It's always good to hear about the works of God and what he had done through the lives of these 2 fabulous buddies of mine. And it's always nice meeting up with them.

Realised my blog is always pictureless. Doesn't seem that interesting anymore, without pictures right?

Btw, i just hit my phone against the LCD screen, and gosh, i'm feeling a pinch in my heart. *slaps myself*

Did brainstorming for the marketing department today. Spend half of the day inside the room, grouped in small groups and answering questions that they asked us. Also evaluated the Coca Cola advertisments that they showed us. Very creative advertisments, i would say. Never been broadcasted in Singapore. I had a great time discussing with my group mates, which includes 2 secondary school girls, Shiya & Leong(NTU interns). Great people with a wacky sense of humour.

Next week shall be my last week of my attachment, and i'm sure i'm gonna miss the people and the place. Namely Tommy, Jed, Kin, Patrick and of course all the NP interns who's attached there currently. I'll cherish the little time i have left for attachment.

Recently have to do some research on the retail markets of Singapore, and name the major players in the various sectors/categories. And the best part is, Patrick allows us to go off at 3pm to shopping malls for some surveying of the retails stores there. And we'll be going to AMK for a condo meeting on Monday. Sucky part is, we'll be travelling there by MRT on our own. Of course, Patrick only allowed us to go after numerous naggings by Regina, while i just stood there and eat the rojak Tommy bought for us. Typical me right? Always attracted to food.

Read an email Rhys forwarded me, it's so true. And i feel as if the whole email is directed at me. I believe i have forwarded to some of you, right? Hmmm, spend some time to read it okie? The email is named "How much do we have for him?"

Isn't it funny how $10 looks so big when you take it to church and so small when you take it to the fast food?

Isn't it funny how hard it is to read a chapter in the Bible and how it is easy to read a few hundred pages in a best seller?

Isn't it funny how big an hour of worshipping God with others on Sunday looks, and how small 60 minutes are when we are playing sports, watching TV or shopping with our classmates?

Isn't it funny how we can not think of anything to say when we pray, but have no difficulty thinking of things to say over the phone to a friend?

Isn't it funny how it seems that we need two or more weeks to fit a group meeting into our schedule, but are able to adjust it for a social invitation at the last minute?

2005-05-10T21:50:00.000+08:00

*cross fingers & hoping that Janelle will be able to score for tomorrow's exams*

I'm seriously getting quite baised, beginning to favor Janelle more than Hyren & Zam. Janelle learns things faster, and can joke around with me. And even wakes me up when i dozes off.

Hyren eats an apple pie, with the sauce dripping onto his singlet, and with the other free hand trying desperately to write the chinese character. And after a while, he shouts for his mum to bring him a glass of water. Then, lies on the desk and complains that i 'forced' him to write so many words, and kept saying that he's tired.

Zam shouts her answer to me in my face, with her lil kid brother coming up to me, and shouting alien language in my face while flashing his new toy right in front of my eye from left to right, making me dizzy. And Melissa and husband will be shouting for the lil kid brother to scram to the room and stop disturbing us.

I'm not bad mouthing them, but i just find this family cute and lively. In a way, Hyren & Zam are actually helping me to mould my patience and even sharpen & better my teaching skills. They are active & healthy kids which i adore dearly, but somehow my patience level ain't that high and sometimes i really wanted to just, stop tutoring them. But i know this isn't the right way, i must be a responsible tutor! I must sharpen their Mandarin Language!

I'm quite confident to say that, Janelle will be able to score high marks for her exams. And i'm pleased with her learning attitude and all.

I should kick off my baised attitude towards my students, and learn to face these lively students with a complete newly adopted attitude which will be fair to them. Adopting changes in process.

Suddenly remembered what my father told me during Mother's Day in the van,

"This world is filled with trickery. Be very careful. Satan does not come in the form of an ugly old man with rags as its clothes, but he will come in suits, ties and briefcases. There are temptations all around in whatever forms it can come in."

Yibin came to fetch me from tuition yesterday. He came all the way down from Bukit Panjang though i told him not to, it's okie since Haddad's passing him some games stuff. He accompanied me home, and i feel so blessed for having him around. Felt we can talk so much more when he's not driving, as he doesn't have to focus on the road and stuffs.

Driving is convenient alright, but somehow it just takes the lil pleasure away compared to taking public transport. The essence of simplicity lies here.

It's been 12 days and the number keeps on increasing. *all smiles*

Meeting Rhys & Gladys tomorrow after work to buy the tops for Baptism. Never knew Baptism would be such a chore until you met us. The problems lies and begins with us. We asked stupid questions like, "Can we wear contact lenses when we go under the water?" & "Should we wear goggles when we go under the water?" But well, it's very entertaining and we can spend hella minutes just thinking and laughing at our own jokes. I'm so nervous for baptism. All 10 of us will have to give a testimony, Pastor Tim requested it.

Yibin will be coming for my baptism and i'm so worried that i'll get tongue tied. Hopefully, i won't yeah? Pray that my testimonial will be a smooth one. Hopefully, weather will be good that day and I'll be one of the first few to go into the water befire Rhys. Don't want her hair wax to stain the whole pool. Oops. *I'll probably get killed by her when your read this.*

Anyway, i'm lazy to update anymore. BYE.

2005-05-09T22:29:00.000+08:00

You made me smile & make my day.

Every moment with you, i'll cherish it dearly.

2005-05-08T18:00:00.000+08:00

Who's the dearest in your life right now?

Is it your
-mother
-father
-boyfriend/girlfriend
-husband/wife
-friends

Think about it.

Sometimes, we are so occupied by the earthly desires or matters which actually distance us from our family members. And we never got to realise all this until our dearest family members are actually gone from this world. And time does not give you a chance to regret, and makeup for all the things which you haven't done.

Be it work, relationships, studies or whatever.

Perhaps you might want to spend a moment to think about it, and perhaps even fork out more time to spend with your family. And treaure the time you have with them.

After all, family members are still the dearest.

Back to my day, was at church for half the day. From 10am till around 4pm. Was having this briefing for baptism next week by Pastor Tim and i realised everything will be happening so soon. I'm still not quite prepared for it mentally for it to happen so soon, still thought it would be like, 1 more month away. *geez*

All the 9 of us who will be getting baptised will be giving our testimony. And guess what, i'm quite nervous about it -AGAIN- I guess i'll hafta bring a lot of things. Clothes to change, slippers, comb blah blah. It's so much like going to a chalet.

Oh yeah, one good news! Celine will be getting baptised with us as well. Her adopted name for Baptism is Emiko. So her full name will be Celine Emiko Chan Hui Juan. Looks quite long right? Mine is the same length as hers. Cindy Leticia See Xing Li. I'm so satisfied with my new name. *double grins* So that leaves Pekhar who's not getting baptised with us this time round, but well, i'll be there to watch and support you for your baptism the next time round, bestie! =]

Went to Sabrina's place with Si'er, Rhys and Gladys after a long chat with Tina and company. Played with her rabbit. Nono, i should say i was finding food to eat most of the time. I was actually VERY BUSY finding food and eating while they played with the rabbit. I finished the leftovers of her Muchi Ice Cream, Oopsie! Sorry Sab!

Si'er was tired until he fell asleep, and Rhys and Myself were actually whispering in monotone sort da voice "qing jiao qing jiao.. yao bu yao chi qing jiao". I think he was awakened by us with that sickening voice. We were actually trying to make him remember all those words sub-consciously so that the next song he writes will be about Qing Jiao. Ho Ho Ho. No link right? But never mind, just laugh anyway. My "jokes" are so not funny nowadays. Complete failure.

Going for dinner with family soon. Just saw my brother came back in his formal wear. He said he was performing for his church, some singing stuffs. Hafta wear formal mar in church. But it's weird though, HIM? SING??!! When his singing is like off tune?! Okie whatever, shan't reveal too much. Oopsie.

I feel so sians thinking, that i'll be having tuition tomorrow and tuesday. My kid's exams are on Wed! I'm stressed stressed stressed! Trying my best to help them to score 100 marks! Or rather whatever marks they can get with their ability!

2005-05-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

Thank you for tonight, it has been a marvellous night with you around by my side.

Just reached home from Yibin's place. Had dinner over there and watched a DVD on his laptop. I'm addicted to sleeping, i think i was sleeping half the time. His bed was realli too cosy, so i ended up sleeping. But somehow, din managed to fall into deep sleep. I was never one who could sleep easily at other places unless it's my own bed and own place.

Just finished a pack of prawn crackers and a packet of orange juice. I guess i'm getting more and more pig. It's the same in the office and still the same at home. I wonder if i can ever slim down when school reopens. I sure hope so dude. =]

Working at Neptunes tomorrow for Mother's Day Event. Hope everything will run smoothly, no hiccups, no nothing. And of course, hope we manages to close a lot of sales. Only then will we be able to actually nag Tommy to bring us for dinner at a more high class restaurant. Having dinner with em tomorrow. Maybe it ain't such a bad thing. At least we doesn't have to pay, the 3 of us -Chen Yian, Regina and Myself!-

Btw i'll be wearing this Coca Cola grey short sleeve polo t shirt tomorrow. It looks like crap. But whatever, no one is gonna take hella notice. But i'll be taking photos for sure. *grins* Regina and Chen Yian will be IN for it again tomorrow. They have never liked taking photos, so taking photos to them is a chore while it's such a joyful thing for me to do!

Have to read up on the water categories, promotion package, and other details before i actually leave for work. I hope my brain cells is working though. If not Tommy is gonna nag at me for not reading up earlier. Yeah, whatever. Jed is driving us to Neptunes tomorrow. But i'll still hafta go Fajar to meet him, Hais. What a chore, why can't he just drive over to my place and pick me up? But Yeah whatever, he sure is damn lazy.

Right now at this moment, my eyes are telling me they wanna sleep. But my brain tells me nt to sleep as i want very much to chat with Yibin still. Really had a nice time with him and i know i'm gonna miss him so much this weekend. But anyway guys, have a great Mother Day's celebration yeah? And treat your mums real good not only during Mother's Day, but everyday ya? *hugs*

Rest time.

2005-05-05T20:23:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling so sleepy now. *yawns* Can't help but to yawn. I yawned for the whole day at work. Spend part of my time at work sleeping, eating, drinking, surfing blogs and going to the toilet to pee. Seriously kinda sick of office work life. It's repetitive and super boring. I hate this, though i love my colleagues!

Kept having the urge to drift off to dreamland at work.

Went to Plaza with Yibin for Long John. He accompanied me for dinner though he was going to have his dinner at home. Went to play the PhotoHunt also cos i suddenly had an urge to play that. And of course, will never miss the "Pet Aquarium" while i'm at Plaza. Cute hamsters & rabbits. I love rabbits! Saw one cute lil rabbit munching on its food, happily. Felt like pinching it.

Caught red handed by Manping. She's still the same old blurry Manping. Didn't see me until i actually had to block her from walking to make her realise my existence. *bishs* Wake up wake up! Manping, don't sleep while you walk, okie? *hugs* Just joking.

Jed took us out for a short lunch after my own lunch at the canteen with my colleagues. Ordered a whole big plate of fruits, and the best part was i got to eat 3/4 of the fruits. Was actually quite hungry though i had a whole bowl of laska earlier at the canteen. But the laska was tasteless & bland, doesn't live up to expectations. Disappointed.

Watching House of Wax with Yibin tomorrow. So excited, have been dying to watch that for ages. And i hope it'll be good cos you know why? Movie tickets are gonna cost a bomb tomorrow. $9.50. If the movie doesn't turn out to be nice, i'm damn sure i'm gonna flung my slippers at the movie screen and fly to Paris to beat Paris Hilton up and then check her handphone for the director's number and then curse and swear at him. Hahaha. Nah, just joking. Please laugh. :)

I'm missing my sweet bf so much now.

2005-05-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy, i'm so glad that i've got YOU! *sounds so familiar uh? this is the theme song of my 2 cousins, Shirley & Xiaohan* It's so funny when they sings it. I think it goes something like that bah. Hmmm. But really wanna dedicate this short song above to my dear.

Even though u told me not to thank you for fetching me home from tuition just now, i still wanna thank you THANK you & still Thank YOU! I'm so touched that you actually made an effort to ask me where my student's block is and drive there, pick me up and then drive me home. *hugs* I feel so happy whenever you are around.

Regina and I were planning an outing for next Saturday. And we were listing down the places/activities to go/do and the no of people who should be going. I guess we're a bit bo liao but know what, we laughed through the whole planning session. I'm so loving this sis of mine! Regina voted for Steamboat at Marina while i voted for Movies/dinner. And of course, she had more votes. Chen Yian was so frustrated by the "noisi-ness" we were creating while pestering him to support either of us that he actually asked if one more activity can be added, which is his fav hobby : Sleeping. I almost wanted to take the PC and flung at him, which i didn't of course. Y**** mei mei would be so sad if i flung the PC at him. (P/s: I'll force him to read my blog tomorrow at work to make sure he reads this, *smirks*)

Anyway, i'm working this saturday at one of the condos at town area for a Ice Mountain Mother's Day Event, along with Regina and Chen Yian. My "hao huo ban". I hope it'll be a good experience, and certainly hopefully with good pay. But the thing is, i won't be able to celebrate Mother's day with my mother. But i think i'll be buying a Sookee necklace or anklet for her. Hopefully will be able to pull in my dad and bro's share. Hmmm must go and see what's there to buy maybe tomorrow after work.

Yeah, going to watch "house of wax" with King of Chess on Friday!

I'm so touched by what Regina & Chen Yian does for me at times. When i say i don't want to eat because i'm not hungry cos i ate SOMEONE's bread, Chen Yian asked 2 portions of rice which is super a lot from the auntie and forced me to eat cos he was afraid i was hungry or something like tt. And Regina kept nagging at me during lunch that i will get gastric pain if i don't eat. I mean nagging as in good intention. And after that, i was too hungry after 2 hours. Regina accompanied me to hunt for biscuits but oh man, the world is cruel. Not even a single decent piece of biscuit left for me, only crumbs. So Regina pressurised me to go to the canteen and buy a sandwich. I mean, though all these may mean nothing to them, but i mean, it means a lot to me.

I swear i'm gonna cherish these 2 buds of mine.

God sprinkles his blessings around me, like i say before, the blessings are all the friends around me. I love all of you so much so much so so much. Very much very much very very much.

2005-05-04T06:54:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad. I can't explain or describe the amount of joy i have inside me.

My brother has started going to church, his friend's church. I'm so glad that God has even speak to him and touched his heart. But i'm still not sure as to whether he has accepted Christ as his savior yet. But let's see, i'm gonna invite him and his friend perhaps for my baptism. Hmmm.

Saw him holding the bible yesterday and i was kinda shocked. I asked him what he was going to do with the bible and he replied that he was going to read it. And i was stunned for a moment of course. Although i think his service is in Chinese, i don't think this actually hinders a problem as i think he's more comfortable with Chinese. Nvm, i'll ask hm thrg sms later.

He send me a sms letting me know that everything is alright after a storm and he gave me his best wishes me for bf and myself. So sweet right.

I love this lil brother of mine to bits and pieces. *going off to work now*

Good bye.

2005-05-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

My eyes have become so red from rubbing it. I guessed it's the works of my contact lense again. Or perhaps some shampoo got inside, which is super irritating my eyes right now.

Just got back home. Hehehe, i had a very nice day today with my dear! Went IMM and shop a lil and ate Mac. And of course, we're the typical slow-eaters. I mean, really slow eaters. I ate my meal for like, 50mins? But anyway, he's almost the same as me too. So i have finally found one who eats as slow as me. Not bad not bad.

Weather today was a spoiler. It wet my the lower half of my jeans, and make my shoes so damn wet. And my shoe smells now. I have gotta wash my shoes again. GRR. It's so troublesome.

Patrick finally came back from leave today. And guess what, while we were clearing the stuffs out in the drawers for him, we found this really nice bubble coca cola seat and this coca cola shape coin bank. And guess what, he agreed to let me to take home. Of course, Regina and Chen Yian were so kind as they let me take it home. I'm feeling so guilty over this actually. And it's pricking me!

Erm, i'm attached now btw. In case some of you might read my entries until *blur* Will post pictures of me and him perhaps in future yeah? He's from my attachment , same school, same course, but 1 year older than me. And what's more ironic is, he's haddad's buddy. It's such a small lil lil lil world. Hahaha.

I miss him soooo much now.

2005-05-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

Hey all! I have decided on a Christian name for my baptism. Leticia. Which means Joyful or happy or glad in Latin. I guess my name will be a pretty long one. Cindy Leticia See Xing Li. But i love the name Leticia. So Yups.

Anyway, today's Labor Day holiday, doesn't feel like a holiday to me though. Anyway, today's the first time i woke up so late in ages. And the feeling's so good. Woke up and surfed net, basically the same websites. *yawns*

And then, went holland V with my parents for Katong Laska. Still find the normal laska in hawker centers more tasty. Went to 253 to buy rojak and eat in the car, act romantic. 3's a crowd. Hahaha.

Nway i feel i lost the ability to actually blog. Or am i having writer's block?

Yesterday went to watch fireworks with my cousins. And indeed, it was so romantic. 3R's and 1 W. Right time, Right atmosphere, right place but wrong persons. I was actually thinking of someone when i watched the fireworks at esplanade. I wished he was there with me. Yeaps, and another chance would be National Day huh?

I feel so blessed for having you in my life.

I miss YOU!

2005-04-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

Because fate allows me to meet you,

the stars in my life began to shine.

A happy smile i have on my face everyday.

2005-04-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

It's a superman! It's an ultraman! It's thursday night! (i'm being super lame here, bleah)

Just cooked my usual maggie mee and gulped it down, though it's quite tasteless. But whatever, as long as it's edible and it can fill my stomach, i guess i shouldn't be too choosy about it.

Chatted with bestie Pekhar just now during work over MSN. It's been such a long time since we had a decent chat, and i'm glad we did, just now. Realised she bought a sweater for me yesterday when she went shopping. Thanks Girl, though i "warned" you not to buy it, but you still did. That was a very sweet thought. Of course, kept telling her that i wished she can faster come back, so that we can be our usual besties, shopping & hanging around.

Anyway, i have gotten my new timetable for the new semester. I'll be in the same class with Jean dearie! Of course, were so happy when she helped me check my timetable yesterday that i shouted in joy on the overhead bridge during my way back home from tuition with Janelle. My timetable is basically still alright, for me at least. Mon and Tues 11-4am while Wed & Fri is 9-5pm. But i'm gonna be so lonely during International Business Module since Jean ain't taking that module. Really hope my new classmates will be great fun loving peeps! I'm in TB42 btw and my tutor for IB is Phillip Lau who was my HRM tutor, it's such a coincidence.

Work was alright today, except i din know the purpose of my existence in the company, perhaps to increase the usage of their internet. I feel like a rat trapped ina cage under strict supervision. The General Manager, supervisor is always walking past us to monitor us and to track what we are doing. It's super irritating. I even followed the GM to see where he's going after passing us by at our area, and so it seems he's going to the Finance dept to do something. The other time i actually caught him passing us by and then returning to his own area. SICKENING right? His nickname is "Gui MAO" whereas my other supervisor is "PO si MAO".

My testimony has to be send to Sabrina by tomorrow. I'll edit tomorrow at work. =)

I wish upon a star.

2005-04-26T22:44:00.001+08:00

Today was basically alright, a bad start to the day though. And it has been bothering me for the whole of today. Let's not talk about it. Even as i think about it, it's starting to really bother me alright.

Had a full day of sai kang jobs again. Even provided free labour to move all the sponsorship gifts from the 3rd floor to the 4th floor, with the help of 2 trolleys. Sponsorship gifts for the family day includes stuffs like karaoke home system, some wrapped up gifts, handphones etc etc etc. And YES, we were foolin around again durring the journey from 3rd to 4th floor.

The whole of 4th floor is EMPTY! And it was pitch dark, no lights no aircon no nothing. And it looked like some abandoned storeroom. But well, Linda helped us to switch on the lights, and even as i walk through the pathway, i can even feel the hairs on my back standing. I insisted on pushing the trolley while Chen Yian walked beside me and Regina like some security guard. Chen Yian keep saying people will think he's bullying me.

Regina hides her digital camera inside her jacket and we took photos (YES again!) on the 4th floor, with stupid poses and all. Will post them up once i receive the pictures of course. But i guess i'll probably be ages before i received them since i also haven't managed to transfer all the pictures and videos me and Regina took from my handphone to laptop. Perhaps tomorrow. Not today. Dead tired. But well, i'm tired everyday.

Yawned especially a lot today and Tommy kept asking me to stop yawning. For goodness sake, Yawning has become part of my life. I mean, i really yawn a lot. Pekhar can testify for me. I yawn all day long, when i'm shopping, when i'm watching a movie, when i'm eating etc etc etc. Ya~HoOoOo! Yawning is my new found hobby!

Manages to chat with Pekhar just now. Now i know why she doesn't reply to my msn messages. She couldn't see people's messages for her unless she clicks on that person. Think there's some problem with the msn over there. But guess what, this idiotic sis of mine wanted to buy me a sweater saying there's some sale over there. But well, sista, please don't. It's such a waste of money, would rather i treat you to something nice when you come back yeah? Thanks for the sweet thought. But i got a feeling she's gonna bring back the sweater anyway despite my many objections.

Looks like she's definately having fun over there, trips to France and Switzerland. Yahoo! Jean Wee, please don't forget our trip to Hongkong yeaps? We gotta do some serious planning babe. But well, i guess it's still long before we go. *schmiles* Anyway, please do not hesitate to call me when you feel like talking yea? I repeat again, DO NOT HESITATE my dear girl even though it's 4am in the morning. I won't scream at you for wakin me up, i won't bite you, i'll listen to all your woes and be your lil listening ear! *lols* I just want to be there for ya, honey. *hugs*

It's the 4th week of my attachment. And to someone, thanks for making my attachment such a lovely one. I don't want attachment to end, suddenly. Awww. It's gonna be tough when the end of attachment comes. But well, looking on the brighter side, it'll be time to celebrate!

Some KTV photos.

2005-04-25T19:10:00.000+08:00

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/duty.htm

I'll lift up my eyes.

My help comes from the LORD.

The maker of Heaven and the Earth.

2005-04-25T06:57:00.000+08:00

Good Morning, my dear & wonderful friends.

Going for work soon. My eye is red, because i rubbed my eye vigorously on my towel.

I wanna thank all those who is so kind to help me to complete a survey yesterday through MSN. Thank you so much. :)

I have tuition tonight with Hyren & Zam. It's gonna be so tiring because the two of them are just so hyper active. Zam would shout her answer to me in her thunderbolt voice while Hyren would walk around, climb around and then tell me the grandmother story of how much money there is in his piggy bank.

I have got to rush! I'm late! I don't want to miss the co's bus!

2005-04-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

Aloha. Finally having some time to myself. My timetable is so packed like jam this few weeks. Besides work (which is hella taking a lot of my energy), tuition, church and meeting up with friends, i don't think i'll ever have time for other things? But well, it all takes planning.

Received a friendster message from bestie over some matters which i shan't say what. But it's just so nice to see her message! She's definately doing fine over there, so all people who might be worrying and thinking about her, don't worry ya. She's definately well taken care of by the German hunks. *grins* I'll get killed by her if she sees this when she's back.

I have a confession to make. I wanted to actually skip cell today cos i was too tired. I'm so guilty. And i'm even gladder i actually made the effort to even wake up from my nap after tuition, and rush to church. Today cell's topic was on the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Learned quite a lot from it. Really glad i went for it, Great job Cindy. Btw, next week will be my turn to give my testimony on how i became a Christian. Seriously quite nervous to speak in front of them when i'm such a clumsy big elephant. Hope i don't knock over some microphone stand, guitars or projecters or whatever.

Deadline deadline, i must give myself some pressure to make myself think of what i'm gonna say!!

Just got to know of my baptism date btw. It's on 14th May, at St Andrews Cathedral. It's the day Pekhar will be coming back, the day i'll be baptised, the day Jean & Chongling & Wendy will be leaving for China for study trip. Oh gosh, i really hope i can make it this time round to send them off man. I'm gonna miss these 3 birds so much.

Went to eat the ever famous "Smelly Doufu" yesterday. Really stinks like hell, so much like the smell of sewage. But the skin is crispy and it goes well with the chilli. So after you put inside your mouth and chew, it doesn't stink anymore. Instead, it tastes quite nice! And of course, took some photos. But i'm lazy to transfer. Update the photos some other day..

Bought a handphone accessory from Janelle. Her mum sells those accessories. And whenever i send messages or i had messages/calls coming in, the light on it will light up. I like it so much though this thing had been around, and most seen in pasar malams for ages. But anyway, i just love it can? *smirks*
I think i'd better go sleep soon, really tired. But i guess i'm tired every single minute of the day, so really, it's no big deal.

I thank you Lord, for letting me see through all these uncertainties in my life. Thank you for letting me have a new focus in my life. Because of what you did on the cross for me, i'm saved and i truly am grateful to you for this Lord. Lord, i ask of you to grant me the wisdom to even handle things as they come. I pray all these in the name of my wonderful savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

aloha!

2005-04-22T19:16:00.000+08:00

I'm over the moon.

Life is good to me. God has always been good to me.

I see even, the lamplights down the streets as something so beautiful that it sparkles and lights up the darkness in this world. The wind brushes against me, and leaves me feeling relaxed. I can see the clouds smiling and waving to me. All the uncertainties in this world suddenly disappears, leaving nothing but a trace of droplets of happiness behind its track.

After reading someone's blog, it inspired me a lot and enlightens me on certain points too. Life should be happy and cheery all year round.

KTV last night was great, managed to take some splendid photos, including a picture of me lying painfully on the couch cos i was having a bad toe cramp. It always happens when i go KTV with them. Still remembered Xiaohan's reaction the other time when i was having a bad toe cramp at her house while painting nails, and at Chinatown KTV. It was so funny. Dinner was great too, tom yam chicken ramen, superb.

Oh they went to do some hair extension onto their hair also. 1 strand = $5/$6. Lucky i was not tempted to do, if not it would meant another $5/$6 gone from my pocket. *ya~hoooOoOOo*

Work's great. Life's great. Friend's great.

Anyway i got my results. Scored B+ for all my core modules, and an A+ for PQS and sad to say, a C for UTM. Cos i din see the teacher for project discussion stuff. Irritating. Can't they just gimme a few more marks to push all my grades to A? I'm this __ close to an A. Never mind, i should be satisfied, considering my slackiness during the exam period. GPA's 3.33333/4.0, what a stupid odd number. And i'll be specialising in Human Resource Management, along with my best sista Jean Wee!

Sad to say, Siew Teng & Grace will be majoring in Service Management while Wendy, Chongling, Regina and a few others will be specialising in Marketing & Tourism. I'm happy for them, but yet at the same time, just sad to see all of us venturing into different paths. It's so expected, but i din realise all this would be happening so soon. All the fun with them, and all the motivation Grace and ST had given me.. I miss them so much..

Nway, i'm tired. Blog later. Ciaoz.

My day.

2005-04-20T21:36:00.000+08:00

Just came back from tuition with Janelle. She brightens my day and makes me smile again!

Dad came to fetch me along with Mum, and with my 2 doggies. Very sweet of them to come pick me up although it was on the way since they were at the fish farm with the doggies earlier on. Beauty just loves sitting on my lap while Rosy loves hiding behind me. I simply adore these 2 lil sis of mine!!

Anyway, work is getting boring. I guess Patrick just assigned us some crappy tasks. For example, keying in the company's name and address of SME 1000 & 500 corporate books, which amounts to 1500 companies which we have to key in. Manually of course. And i think, we will be doing mass mailing for the rest of our attachment. But i don't mind ya? We always makes the best out of everything. We joke, we laugh, we do stupid stunts, we cheer each other up, we care for each other. And i'm sure i'm gonna miss Regina and Chen Yian when attachment ends.

Regina and myself did some video recording of ourselves, appearing and disappearing like magic. Hilarious. Video recorded until my phone became low battery. But it was fun alright, and gave us some good laugh. This attachment experience and partnership with Regina in the same department has allowed me to gain a better understanding of her personality and her as a whole. I'm glad this has actually changed my impression of Regina, for the better.

Has actually learn how to support myself using the meagre amount of tuition fees i earned. No longer takes money from my mum anymore. Though it's so TIRING at times, but well, i guess in the end, i have actually helped to lessen my mum's burden a lil. Hard times do really let a person learn. I shan't complain. God has taken care of me all the while. Thank You Lord.

Might be going for KTV sessions with my cousins tomorrow evening after work. It has been such an awful long period since i last saw them. And seriously, i do miss them lotsa. My dearest cousins who were always there for me without fail, through rain, through thunderstorms, through tornados, through sunshine. ALWAYS ALWAYS! *HUGS*

I have begun to cherish people around me a lot more.

Some feelings are better left unsaid.

freezer office

2005-04-20T11:44:00.000+08:00

It's like a freezer office over here.

Freezing to death now.

Cardigan is still not enough to keep me warm.

GB PHOTOS

2005-04-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

Just some pictures i took when i went for Girl's Brigade at South View Primary School. The girls are lovely and cute. I love Xiaohui's looks. She looks like those goody girls with a prefect face.

Will be another 4 weeks before next session of GB starts. And nice timing indeed. Pekhar would have gotten back from her trip.

Lazy to type out the captions. But anyway, the 2nd last picture was taken when all the April babies were asked to come out so as to celebrate their birthday earlier for them.All the while, i was busy taking cakes for my girls and Xiaohui and the other girl[forgot whats her name] came to help me along. They were like my 2 monitress. So glad to see them helping me & Celine out during the games part and everything.

Tired am i, everyday without fail.

Let the tears flow.

2005-04-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

I know i'm being boliaolistic here, but i think i'm going to switch back to blogspot since i heard friends have to sign up as members of multiply before they can even tag.

Pekhar should be at the airpot now, with Peixuan and Ella and Celine. I feel so useless, for being not able to even send her off. Just because i have this damn idiotic tuition at 8pm later.

I'm feeling so lost without my bestie around. Called her in the afternoon, it was just so nice to hear the familiar voice again. Asked her to take good care of herself and stuffs. She even msged me in the afternoon, and ask me to talk to Jean if i have any problems. So sweet. *sobs*

I'm also feeling so complicated over something. And it's making me vexed than ever. I wished this has never happened. I hate this. When can everything just stop? I feel i have just mixed up everything, and all these just isn't happening to me.

Just can feel tears warming up in my eyes. Pretty emotional today.

Let the tears flow . . . .

2005-04-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

I have created a new journal.

http://cyndishi.multiply.com

I hate blogger.

2005-04-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

I'm having this terrible headache which is irritating me more & more as minutes passes.

And you know what's the best part?

I don't have any Panadols left at my place and i'm not going to buy. I bet i'll faint somewhere down that drain halfway through the journey.

This is crazy.

HAI. mood in the dumps.

2005-04-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

Coca Cola's still not so bad after all.

I'm beginning to love folding letters, cos it means crapping with Regina and Chen Yian. Listened to FM 987 & 933 during work today, and we were doing some stupid poses and singing along with the music, laughing like hell.

But it's damn tiring at the end of the day, considering the fact that we printed, folded, slotted, franked 3000 over letters to companies over the island. And of course, we franked and send out half of the mail and we got a few responses today by fax! Kin, Jed and especially Tommy was like so happy, and comparing who got the response first.

Patrick drove us out for lunch at Jurong Point today. Had lunch at Lai Lai. Initially thought it was going to be some duck rice again, but luckily it's not. I ordered Yuntun Mee, and of course all was paid by Patrick. What a nice boss! After that, they asked us to go shopping while they go smoke first. And so, Me Regina and Chen Yian went shopping OO LA LA! Bought a top during the first 10 mins of my shopping. Bought doggie bones for dogs since they went to Pet Shop to look at doggies!

Went for tuition just now. Despite the fact that my mood was down in the dumps, Janelle manages to cheer me up through her ridiculous and laugh for nothing laughter. Of course, played some word games with her to make her remember those words. Freaking 67 took half an hour to come, and i was late for 20mins. Freaking pissed.

I have been feeling rather uneasy lately. Complicated and suffocating.

Suffocated with uncertainties.

Nothing but blues

2005-04-11T06:31:00.000+08:00

Nothing but blues.

BLUES.

blUeS.

bLuesss.

Which comes in all shapes and sizes.

Get what i mean?

Monday blues man.

2005-04-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna freaking change my blog when i'm free that is. Paragraphing errors, errors in database of skins and in publishing. You name it. I have HAD IT!

It's gonna be Monday tomorrow. And i'm so not looking forward to it. Really not looking forward to it. Never looking forward to it. Not interested to look forward to it and won't look forward to it.

I'm starting to really consider my future, if i wanted to work in an office all day long and stucked with computers for half of my life or i wanted to have a job which is more meaningful and which entitles me to help others.

My nurse dream is still not shattered. I don't know why this keeps coming back to me everytime i attempt to shake it off, and trying to convince myself that an office 9-5 job would be most suitable for me. I really should give it some serious thoughts about it before i get all panicky when i reach the time i'm about to grduate.

Was in the same lift with Pastor Tim and Auntie Joyce. They were so friendly. Seeing them lifts my mood up. I have finally passed a stage when i can enter church without people asking me and Pekhar "Is this your first time here?" I'm glad i feel comfortable in the house of the Lord, with all my sisters and brothers in the name of Christ.

Baptism class is gonna be over soon. Shu Huai, me, Celine, Peixuan, Cindy Thiong aka Cindy Tall, Shiling aka Ella and Sabrina were waiting for Si'er and Reginald for like, a long time. But we joked around, and fooled around, laughing like crazy cos Peixuan aka Rosy brought photos of Ella Tan when she was in Sec 1 or 2. *schmiles* She was real toot those days, with braces and spectacles, so funny.

Baptism topic today is on tithing and renounciation. Very interesting.

I'm so excited i'm going to be baptized soon, just sad for the fact that my best friend Pekhar might not be here to catch it since she will be flying off to Germany on the 18th April. Girl, *sobs*. Please don't cut your hair anymore, if not you won't have enuff mao to keep you warm over there. *runs for my life* Teasing each other is sure our forte. But you know i don't mean it! And you'll always be my good friend, my best friend, my sister in the name of Christ and my shopping khaki! I LOVE YOU!

Will be a while before i sleep since i just woke up from a well deserved nap not long ago. *grins* *pats myself* Haven't been getting a good rest for ages.

Jean and Chongling, i miss you two.

My Saturday.

2005-04-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

I'm dead beat.

Woke up at 8am for tuition with Janelle. Starts at 9am. Janelle's mum's friend cooked macoroni for me with milk tea. So nice of them to always prepare something for me whenever i go. Philippinos are good hosts!

Almost lost my patience with Janelle, she was like shuffling here and there. And walking here and there. I had to raise my voice to make her sit quietly on the chair. But well, i think she got 100 marks for her spelling. So proud of her. But not sure if she's trying to be funny or what, she claims that she forgets to bring her spelling notes. It has happened for 2 times previously. Luckily she did not "forget" to bring her spelling notes today, if not, i'll sure bang my head against the wall.

Ran through the spelling words a few times. And she got it right. Partly because i had made her write all those words before when i just started teaching her. So it has been kind of carved onto her memory. I'm so glad that she actually manages to find these words easy compared to the lil girl who din even know how to write her chinese name in the past. *phew*

I'm kind of guilty that i missed for Girls Brigade today at South View Primary School. Supposed to play games with these primary school girls today, but Janelle's mum had to change the timing to 9am today. Had no choice since GB starts at 8am. Btw, South View Primary School was my primary school. I wonder if all those teachers are still around, like Miss Teo and Mrs Woo(Folk Dance teachers in charge), Miss Lee Hong Lim(Form teacher of 6G), Mr Huang(Chinese teacher).

Anyway, i think i'm joining this ministry which is serving the Girls Brigade of SVPS which is basically a Christian CCA. I heard from Peixuan we will be doing foot drills the next saturday with the girls and still not really sure of our duties scope. Celine will be joining as well! Really glad. Girl, you can come and stay at my house the day before. Travelling from Tampines to CCK is really quite a distance i understand. I welcome you with open arms! *grins*

Went back home after tuition and chatted with Mum. Mum went to work while i went for hair treatment at my favourite salon. Really a funny sight you should see, with a towel wrapped around my forehead like those "protestants" and with my head inside the steamer or whatever you call it. Stayed in the same position for 45mins i think. Finally had my hair washed. Hair definately feels smoother and softer after that. But the auntie blowed dry my hair until i looked like some idiot from who just stepped out of the 70's time machine.

I really felt like a total idiot. My hair was so huge like a candy floss to an extent i wanted to even try, digging a hole in the ground to hide my head. But anyway, i did not. I ran all the way back home and gave myself time to accept the fact. Tried various ways to make the candly floss smaller which incds tie-ing my hair, lying on the bed. Definately shrank after that which makes me go *phew*.

Anyway today's cell was combined tertiary cell. A revision of the 5 chapters we had learned. Our group got 42 marks i think, with the help of Celine and Cindy Part 1 (Cindy Thiong) and WeiQiang. I din help much btw. -_-"" Will try harder next time. Ella's group got the highest of 91 marks. Denny was sitting beside me, and i noticed he sure can eat a lot of sweets! Master Degree in eating sweets.

Ella shared her testimony of how she became a Christian and what was her life before and after she became a Christian today. I think it will be me and Pekhar's turn soon. It's like presenting, without the part of formal wear. I'm so nervous. hur hur. I hope i'm disciplined enough to actually prepare my testimony tomorrow and hopefully, send it to Sabrina by tomorrow night if possible since i don't have much time already during the weekdays.

Monday blues will become blue-ier since i'll be having tuition with Hyren and Zam at 8pm after work. I'll be so tired. But never mind, i have got to bear with it! I'm sure i'll be perked up at least a lil after seeing the kids. It's definately worth it though it's quite energy consuming to "scream" at them to get back to their seats and stop talking to me about whatever toys they wanted me to buy for them.

I'm so glad my daddy holds a job now. Doing data entry for him every alternate days after work the past week. But i don't mind and i'm not going to complain because i'm in fact enjoying since all of us(family members) puts in effort to try to complete it. My brother is helping with the data entry too. My daddy drove me to tuition since it was raining the previous wednesday and came to fetch me back. So sweet. He's driving his company van which is definately nice to sit in! And he has got his taxi license already!

I believe God has not forsaken me or shortchange me of anything. And this has proven that my prayers did work and God has even been guiding my daddy back onto the right track. Lord, i pray that you can even speak to my father and all those around me who has not come to know you yet. I pray for the salvation of the many lost souls who has not come to actually know the Father yet. I pray that their hearts will be open, and that they may even come to know that you are the way, the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father except through you Jesus. I hope that they may even try to pray to you though they are non Christians. I give praise to you Lord for what you have done in my life, for all the blessings that you have placed in my life. Lord, thank you for letting me see that all the blessings you have given me are all my friends who are always there supporting and encouraging me. All these i pray in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

2005-04-09T13:23:00.000+08:00

By this gospel you are saved,

if you hold firmly to the words i preached to you.

Otherwise you have believed in vain.

-1 Corinthians 15:2 (NIV)

2005-04-08T06:54:00.000+08:00

Let me do a short update ya? Pekhar complained to me that she was S.I.C.K of looking at my previous entry. Anyway, your exams will be over soon so hang on ya? I know the feeling, trust me.

I think i'm online at the most weird hour of the day and that is 6.30am, before i leave to wait for the company bus at the bustop opposite Phoenix LRT station with Regina and Mun.

Completed around 6000 companies for Tommy, Jed and Kin.

Gonna try our best to print out 1000 companies each for them, and start folding 1000 letters today. At least we have something to occupy our minds, that's a relief. I know the feeling of sitting there and doing nothing too much, it's too much for me to bear.

Anyway yesterday, i mistook those "po li veggie" as meat. And when i sat down at our canteen table, i realised i have no meat to eat! And since i'm a "i'm so meaty" person, can't help but to ask for some meat from Yibin. Pathetic huh? *smirks*

Anyway i told some "jokes" to Regina and Yibin and Chen Yian during lunch yesterday. And none of them laughed. "I-CHI-BAN" Feel like digging a hole to hide my head. Pekhar, i told the "i-kan-bi-lis" joke to them and they did not laugh! All your fault cos you told me this joke! *LOL* Just joking!

Guess i should get going. Update when i'm back.

2 more days before my 6 months -single days- anniversary. Time sure ZOOMS by.

5th day of work.

2005-04-08T06:43:00.000+08:00

2nd day at work.

2005-04-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

I have a new phobia. I'm so scared of seeing the sign "Coca Cola".

Finally there' some task assigned to us today. A really nasty temper today.

Doing mass mailing of promotional stuffs to companies. 3000 companies to be exact. And we have to personally select the companies from the list available in the database. Basing our decisions on 3 selection criterias. Rate of response will depend on our analytical skills of breaking and analysing the selection process.

Looks like we will only be completing this next week. After that, print 3000 damn letters, fold 3000 damn letters, frank 3000 damn letters and post 3000 damn letters.

Patrick will be teaching us how to negotiate contract with clients, and next week or the week after, we will be trying it out on our own. Learned about the pricing criterias and range. Quite complex for a small peanut brain like mine.

I miss working at Kurita. So much. I miss Ando San, Jasman, Uncle John and the -i have to tickle myself to laugh- jokes Wen joked about. Jasman emailed me, asking me about my current life, whether i am living it good. I miss "gossiping" with him so much. OH GOSH.

Looks like i'll have to take it in my stride, and keep my spirits up, to MAXIMISE my learning process at Coca Cola. If not, i'm sure i'm never going to make it.

Kin was like, so damn dao. Tommy was like, trying his best to talk to us. Jed was okay. Patrick was okay. Except for Kin. He was like, trying his best to play the handsome dude. Please. Just look at yourself in the mirror. I'm freaking going to die, very soon. We are working in a male enviroment, and that's what makes it boring.

Tuition's at 8pm at Hyren's place. 7.30pm for Janelle tomorrow.

I have no mood. But i have to be responsible and play my part.

1st day of work.

2005-04-04T18:46:00.000+08:00

My first day at work was like, crap.

Basically did nothing there, except sitting down and talk. Since we were waiting for the sales executive to come and brief us about our job scope and routines. Oh by the way, i'm with the vending section of the sales department. Don't really know my actual job scope yet but hopefully, i'll have many things to occupy my time. At the very least, i won't have to keep going to the toilet and tie and re-tie my hair, to check out for reception zones. My office's really a twilight zone, i can't even find a single zone with a reception point.

Don't really see the need to bring a handphone anymore. I have absolutely no RECEPTION over there, and i can't receive any calls or messages. So don't bother calling me between the time of 8.30am - 12pm and 12pm to 530pm. I'll be somewhere outside of the boundaries of this earth where there's no reception, no handphones. *sighs*

Patrick Chan(Sales Executive) did a briefing for us, which took a long time. The exact duration, you may ask? It's three hours. 3 whole damn hours, with my butt sticked to the chair. Listening to the process of water purification, the business model, the history of F&N Coca Cola, the horizontal & vertical approach to sales, "push strategy" for ice mountains bottled mineral water, his expectations of us, process of distilled mineral and NEWater.

I was shuffling about in my seat, and sighing. But i tried to do it as low profile as possible since it was very rude i know, but i just can't help it! Just imagine yourself in my position, trying to be very discreet about my shuffling and sighing. *smirks* And showing my restless grin to my Regina and Chen Yian whenever his back was turned.

Sarah, Mun, Jason was posted to the Customer Service department which was just outside of my office. Another guy(forgot how to spell his name) was posted to the OFF-PREMISES department, not really sure what it is, but he was already helping at 7-11 today. Yunru was posted to Finance department. Me, Regina and Chen Yian(a guy from my course which i just knew today) belong to the Vending department.

At first, we thought Vending was about re-stocking the coca colas in the vending machines which basically involved some walkie talkie communication which goes like this, "Regina Regina, Zone 5 10 cans of Coca Cola NOW! Over over!" Silly of us right? But we wasn't going to do that. I think our job scope includes a lil of tele-sales, admin stuffs and going out to meet future clients. Not really sure, will update again ya?

Will be handling and printing maybe hundreds of promotion letter to companies, and doing the folding of letters. VERY INTERESTING. *schmiles* Wearing jeans and perhaps a top tomorrow to work. Patrick treated us to lunch today @ canteen. Anyway i think there are a few levels in the coca cola company. Perhaps 5-6? Will find out tomorrow. I'm @ the 2nd or 3rd floor, i think. I think i almost got lost when i was walking to the toilet. It's just like an office which is filled with mazes.

I'm quite tired now. I've got to study my water purification process notes. Patrick will be testing us on it tomorrow, to enable us to have a better understanding of the process. So we'll be able to make a better sales pitch. *sighs* Shall let the photos do the talking. *zips mouth*

First level @ F&N Coca Cola, Reception.

Regina and myself!

Wheeling away! *shoosh*

Sabrina lent me this book, trying to take some creative photos with it.

Maps. Maps. Maps.

Day before attachment

2005-04-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired at this moment, but yet i'm still dragging myself up to try out my office wear for tomorrow. Really need to leave a good impression, if not i'm gonna be fried there for the rest of the 6 weeks.

Need to wake up super early to fix my hair, bathe and fix my face.

Meeting Regina at 645 at Bukit Panjang as her daddy is driving me and another girl who's in Banking and Finance(same attachment place) to the workplace which is at TUAS!

I hate my formal top. It has shrunk, so freaking -_-""". And my fats is going to pop out any moment so i have to keep taking deep breaths. *sweats*

Went to fetch my mum just now with my 2 doggies welcoming her. My daddy is driving a new van, which is his company's car! It's definately cooler than his current vehicle which is a KIA van. Anyway, if anyone of your daddies or friends wanna rent a KIA van, please inform me ya via cyndi_shi@yahoo.com.sg Monthly rate is negotiable and it's definately cheaper than the market rate. Vehicle is in super good condition as my daddy takes good care of his van, i can vouch for it!

Thank your in advance.

Exams is over, and i'm so freaking glad.

I'd better rush to sleep or else i'll be a panda tomorrow.

Nights everyone.

Jean Wee, being my maid, helping me clean up the mess we created while watching MSU.

We look so XINFU!

Wanted to wear this top, but decided against it as it was quite tight.

Decided on this top, much comfy and looser.

Care for the wild life.

2005-04-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

The lives of millions of animals held captive in Chinese fur farms are characterized by extraordinary chronic suffering, before being terminated in the most violent and agonizing deaths.

I teared while watching the video of the treatment by human mankind to all those cute lil animals. Why did they treat them like this? Just because of the sake for their fur which could then be exchanged for MONEY!

All the time when i was watching the video, a question kept appearing in my mind.

"God, can't you do something to help them? Lord, can you see the sufferings that these animals are going through?"

I'm not trying to challenge God, but this concern has just been weighted on me.

I want to stop all these, help all the lil animals.

There were tears in the bear's eyes as he was laying on the ground, feeble with not a single bit of strength left. The man used a pair of scissors to pierce through his butt and cut through his fur. Blood were oozing out and i could feel the pain the animal is going through.

The man then hanged the animal onto a hook upside down and started tugging on his fur with great enormous strength. And the fur was slowly, bit by bit, pulled from the bear's body by force. And the bear was left with nothing, NOTHING, except blood covered all over its body. At this point, the bear is still not dead, feeble with breathing, but still alive.

It's then thrown into a "garbage area" where countless dead fellow bodies lay. It wanted very much to try standing up though its face was covered with blood, but fell one time, two times and three times. . . . Finally it collasped. . . .

This kind of pain is different from any break up pains or any other pains which i have experienced. But a pain which really shot through my heart, and sends streams of tears washing down my cheeks.

Please do not create demand for these fur products. Oppose it & help these lil animals.

http://www.careforthewild.com/page.asp?apid=12

Care for the wild life.

Heavy head.

2005-03-31T17:57:00.000+08:00

Head is so heavy, but well, guess i have no choice but to continue studying for E-Commerce. Ngee Ann students are so pitiful compared to TP and SP students. But well, i shan't say it this way since they had their fair share of hardship too. :p

Nway, lemme tell you about what happened just now which i think was really amusing. At least, to myself.

I was hungry for some food, so went to the fridge and dig for some edible stuffs. TA-DA! Found a box of pizzas, tuna pizzas. Looked at the instruction menu behind and started tearing the box and shoving the pizza into the microwave. Set the time to 2 minutes.

And . . .

I ran back to my room to hide, while screaming "BAO ZA ar!!!!" which means explosion.

Then went out again on hearing the " di di " sound.

Ate a mouthfuls of it, wasn't really the ideal pizza, shoved it into the microwave again. And ran into my room while covering my ears screaming, that it wouls explode any moment. And my brother was like staring at me as if i was crazy.

And ate a mouthfuls, put it back into the microwave for another 2minutes for fun.

And it became "chao tah", as hard as a biscuit. Threw the whole thing into the dustbin and began grumbling to my brother.

So he had no choice but to go down and buy "YI MEE" & Rojak for me cos i was screaming i was hungry all the time. What a good brother right? *pats myself* Must be all the mesmerizing smiles i have been giving him! It works! Hahaha, just joking.

Anyway, ignore this entry.

I think i'm crazy. No doubts about it.

-Back to EC-

Faults in OM paper.

2005-03-30T14:01:00.000+08:00

I screwed my Operations Management. *yipee*

My inner voice was constantly talking inside me. Forcing myself to concentrate doing the paper. But for some reasons which i don't know for goodness sake WHAT, i just can't seem to concentrate. And information i memorised seems to be "leaking" bit by bit.

I realised i have quite a few faults in the paper.

But you know what, who cares?

It's over and that's what i'm concerned about.

Tuition's at 7.30pm for Janelle. Getting my $120 today! *yipees* Btw, Auction seems to be in "IN" thing nowadays. But somehow, it scares me. The idea of auctioning items seem interesting, but there's also the risk of payment procedures wise. It just doesn't sound very appealing to me YET, but it's starting to get interesting. =)

Took notice of some really lovely earrings from Urban Outiftter. Gosh. *smiles*

Hyren and Me

2005-03-29T12:53:00.000+08:00

As promised!

Below is a picture of me & Hyren & Zamantha. Lovely kids.

Going to collapse from memorising theoretical stuffs.

AAA paper down. 3 more to go.

lOSING FOCUS SOON.

2005-03-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears '
cause your only almost here

-Delta Goodrem featuring Brian Mcfadden, "Almost here".

It's my favourite song at the moment.

Heart turns chilly when i heard that, reminding myself of how i feels out of this world, and completely "there's only me in this world" feeling. But sometimes, i love that feeling. It makes me independent more.

I did a foolish thing just now. And it's making myself more confused than ever.

When will i ever stop?

Ok, on to the good side, I was so happy just now! Janelle got 100 marks for her Spelling test yet again! I knew she was a genius. She just needed some guidance and reminders! So happy! And i hope Hyren can get 100 marks for his Spelling test too, since Janelle and Hyren's Spelling is the same. Both from CCK primary school. And both are Phillipinos! What a coincidence!

Btw, in case some of ur don't know. I'm teaching another 2 kids. Hyren and Zamantha. Hyren is a P1 restless lil boy while Zamantha is a K1 shy lil mei mei. They were actually Szewei's students, but since Szewei had no time so she passed her assignments to me. Hyren got 100marks for 4 times the previous tuition, and Melissa(Hyren's mum) was so happy, i could tell.

Shall post Hyren's pic when i have the time yeah? Took his picture the last tuition, but haven't transferred it to my laptop yet. I shall post it next week!

Monday's the start of my exams. BOO HOO HOO!

Suddenly feel like eating steamboat, Influenced by Siew Teng. OH NO!!!!

Busy busy busy.

2005-03-23T09:46:00.000+08:00

Feels as though i haven't surfed net for a long time, when it's only a day. *schmiles*

Shouldn't be sitting here at this moment, should be on my way to Janelle's place for tuition. But Joy(Janelle's mum) msg me just now saying that the tuition was cancelled. *Phew* At least i wasn't on my way out, if not i'll sure grumble and curse like hell. Hoping that she'll at least notify me earlier if there's tuition tonight. *crossing fingers* Bad part about tutoring kids. It's such a hassle.

Later meeting Grace for lunchie at CWP and then we'll proceed to the library for some serious studying. Will be touching on my E-commerce. Don't really have the mood to study. NO MOOD! NO FOCUS! And i don't know why. Feels as though my heart wants to study, but my mind is always drifting off to some wonderland after 1 min of studying. And i'll only realise this after another 1 minute. And then i'll calm myself down by walking around for 5 mins. Eat and drink for another 10mins. And THERE, i have wasted a HELL lotsa time.

Sometimes, i'm really pissed with myself.

OH! And did i mention there's a Good Friday Event this saturday @ German Center! And our cell group is performing! And i'm getting all jittery and nervous right now by just thinking of it. I'll be singing a short solo, and then i'll be doing the -ah-ca-pe-lla- or whatever you call it with the rest of their beautiful voices. I'm really really nervous. HOW HOW!! Anyway, Celine will be playing the guitar and i think she's really a talent! Teaching me how to sing, and guiding me along! WAY TO GO SISTA!

Anyone wanna go? Jiewei, u'll be coming along right? Manping? ZhiYuan?

I think i would better go get my bag and books ready. If not i'll be late again and Grace will grumble again. Oopsie. *grins*

Anyway, Yesterday night, called through Perfect 10 987 FM and dedicated a song.

Me: Hi Carrie, can i dedicate a song?
Carrie: Yups sure, what's ur name?
Me: Cindy
Carrie: Ok, hold on a while ar, we'll put u in recording soon.
Me: Ok
Carrie: So what are you doing?
Me: Still studying.
Carrie: Where?
Me: Ngee Ann Poly
Carrie: So what course are you from?
Me: Business Studies.
Carrie: How long before you graduate?
Me: Errr, i still have a year more to go.
Carrie: No BOYFRIEND AR?
Me: Eh, don't have...
Carrie: Ok.. Hahaha.. So what song would u like to dedicate?
Me: Lovers and Friends by Lil Jon?
Carrie: Ok sure, going out to?
Me: All my classmates who are still mugging now.. Ya.. Err That's all..

THEN COMES THE FUNNY PART!

She played...the song....

-Who let the dogs out?-

So it goes... WHO LET THE DOGS OUT! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Almost fainted when i heard that. People might think i'm crazy, study until i'm crazy, played such a SONG! *faints*

damn it.

2005-03-18T13:54:00.000+08:00

Can't help but to feel sad, as my source of luxury is taken away from me one by one.

Even though i earn a teenie weendy lil income, i can't spend on myself. I can't buy clothes, i can't spend on restuarants, i can't do this, i can't do that. All the teenies weenies lil $ goes to the stupid idiotic dumbo bills.

And now, there's no SCV for me to watch anymore.

DARNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Simplicity vs Complicated

2005-03-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

I have begun to show interest in simple looking blog skins.

Simple will do.

Simplicity makes me happy.

Not like this complicated world.

A world which is beyond my grasp, my reach.

Eski Bar

2005-03-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

I'm dead beat. I'm lifeless. I'm a puppet controlled by the TV.

Not much mood to start studying for my exams. And MIND YOU! It's exams this time round, not some tests anymore. Although it's freaking me out, but somehow doesn't seem to motivate me much. Or perhaps my whole mind & heart is with 'Date with Vampire 3" Vcds. Anyone wanna slap me, i'll pay you some hard cash.

Dad failed his 2 tests, passed 3 other tests. Really hope he can pass this time round, and get the taxi licence and start working. If not, bills are going to get choked up very very soon. And i'm really seriously praying that it won't happen. If not, i don't know what will happen.

Anyway, more to the joyous side, went to Orchard with Grace, ST and Chongling. Intended to watch Winnie the Pooh movie, but i'm really sorry girls. Caused them to cancel the movie date just because i have another appointment with Sabrina and Pekhar later on at Holland Village. We'll go and watch some day soon ya? I promise! *geez, lemme give ur some kisses*

Went to a beautiful and relaxing place to chill out with Sabrina and Pekhar. It was relaxing alright, with the big sponge-like pillow lying against my back. It was a cushion seat-on-e-floor based type of cafe named Essential and Brews. Really regretted not taking any photos since my phone was low batt this afternoon. It's really a nice lil chill out place.

Anyway, there's this pub named Eski Bar ard Tanjong Pagar. It's a super duper cool pub. It's divided into 2 areas, with 1 area -SMOKING AREA- having a temperature of a normal air conditioned room while the other area is 0 degrees. Concept is very creative and innovative, by a lady who is one of the owners of a company which has opened 30 other pubs. Main objective is to get people to come wearing their winter wear since it has been observed that most women in Singapore has winter wear, but does not have the chance to wear it. And also due to the fact that women is more able to relax in a pub like this since it doesn't make us sweat like hell, and it's super cooling inside which definately is good for our skin. No cover charge, the only drawback is drinks are slightly more expensive only.

Fear not, if you do not have winter wear! You can request for a jacket anytime from their staff! It's super duper cool. Never heard of a pub like this in Singapore. Really worth a visit. Some forum mates who visited it has came back with lotsa and endless praises! Decoration is beautiful, like eskimo.

Anyway, why am i promoting for them? I'm too excited. Sorry about it. Yeapz, definately going after my exams with my dearest cousin Gwen! Really hope she won't be too stressed with her fashion projects. Definately loves moi coussies like Xiaohan, Shirley and Gwen a lot alot!

Seriously no mood to study. I'm going to sleep now. ZzZzZ. Good night.

A short poem.

2005-03-14T17:31:00.000+08:00

I am the mist of the passion,
flowing from the ocean.
Gaze into the moonlight,
and float away with me.

Somehow it just blends perfectly into what i'm feeling now.

Stars were above me when i looked up yesterday night.
With my 2 dogs running ahead of me.
Somehow, these shiny glittering stars comforted my soul.

Looking beyond the universe, i felt as though i can see my Father in Heaven.

Thank you for being here always with me.

Baptism.

2005-03-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling great today. So light, carefree, cheerful and peace within my soul.

I think i'll b getting baptized, along with Shiling aka Ella and Peixuan.

Will be attending classes to prepare us for the water baptism on sunday. Not exactly sure when my baptism will be held, but i hope it will be soon. I'm getting to be so excited about my creation of a new life.

All these while, my faith and trust in Jesus my Lord has never been defeated and forgotten. Huiling came to shared with us about Baptism, and encouraged us get baptized. Actually wanted to get baptized but din really place serious thoughts on it. She asked when was the point when i decided to become a Christian? I told her there was a point in my life when i was depressed and very devastated, and coincidentally Peixuan invited me to her church and from then now, been attending church until now. Also, must thanks Shirley for inviting me to CHC for service, accepted Chris at CHC but was quite blurred at that time. It was at WAC when i really wanted to move closer and build on my faith in God.

I still remembered my parents sending me to sunday school for classes when i was young. I wanna thank my parents so much so so so much, for letting me have the chance to interact with other kids and Christian kids. I still vaguely remembered them coming for my performance at my sunday school, clapping and watching me proudly from afar. Still remembered them giving me all the Christian kids storybooks to read when i grew older a bit. I had a whole box or two of them. Actually it was my cousin's books, but he outgrown it so my mum gave me to read.

At that time, i was amazed by the things that God had done to these lil kids. And the miracles he performed on some of them. I was totally amazed, but at the same time, i was a bit confused too as to whether these facts are true. But no one could really answer my doubts since my whole family was non-christian. Kept it to myself until i finished primary school and moved on to secondary school.Sometimes, I will pray to Jesus in the nightime, telling him about some of my deepest felt emotions, and asking for his blessings.

Moved on to a Catholic secondary school which worshipped Mother Mary. There will be prayers done every morning during assembly. All i could remember was, "Give us today our daily bread, and forgive us for our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. . . . In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit" But i did not prayed along with them, for i was not a Catholic, but i prayed in my heart.

I realised i have been in contact with Jesus all along. All along, he had been there for me. It's probably just that i did not know or did not attempt to know. I wanna thank God so much for bringing me through all these, and letting me know that he indeed cares for me. Lord i wanna thank you for all these. Praise Lord! I wanna thank you for giving me such supportive parents.

I informed my parents that i wanted to get baptized and that this baptism will be happening very soon. And they kind of supported me in a way, making sure that i had thought through all these carefully. Asked my dad to go for my water baptism session, he asked me when is it? So happy! :) Lord, gracious Lord, thank you for making this happen in my life!

Just received attachment letter. I'm being posted to F&N COCA COLA SINGAPORE at Jalan Ahmad Ibrahmin from 4th April 2005 to 22nd May 2005. Which means i only get to rest a day after my last paper, and i gotta start work already. But i'm sure God will bring me through this. Glad i only work 5 days a week, starting from 815am to 5.33pm. Weird timing isn't it? Got to go for a briefing session before i get to know more about it ya? And i'll update in my lil lil bloggie.

Btw, anyone wants to join us for Good Friday event? My cell group will be performing. Peixuan me Ella Pekhar Celine Sab will be singing a song. Sounds so SHE, just like the day when the 7 of us with zu'er, jessie and manping sang a SHE song on stage at Vincent Hall on Teacher's Day in AES. *hiaks* So fun. It will be held on 26th March (Saturday) at German Center WAC. Xiaohan and Shirley and Grace teoh and Jean, Wanna come? Xiaohan ask ur sister wanna come bo? Then i can ask my brother along!

Let's continue to pray for Celine and Pekhar and Grace.

Going to sleep now, if not, i'll be late for service tml.*Ciaoz*

p/s: hopes that my sickness will go away soon.

Howl's Moving Castle.

2005-03-10T09:33:00.000+08:00

I watched ''Howl's Moving Castle''. It was very entertaining with the springing of surprises in between, and the adventurous journey which was accompanied by soothing music. I discovered i completely sank into fantasy the moment the movie started, glue-ing my eyes to the screen, and sharing the emotions that the characters felt. I loved Jap animes! *5 stars* Pekhar : Go watch go watch!

I still remembered someone lend me ''Sprited Away''. Was so captured by the show that i promised myself to buy the DVD/VCD. Now, i have decided to buy ''Howl's Moving Castle'' and ''Spirited Away'' DVDs. Anyone willing to sponsor me? Your can call me. *smirks*

Oh yeah, din mention who i went to watch with.

A mysterious guy.

Just joking!

Went to watch with Grace and ST since we were thinking of where to go after EC lecture. Grace had bible study at 730pm, ST's tutoring a kid at 6pm, and i was tutoring Janelle at 730pm. So decided to watch a movie after much consideration, thanks to me! Kept going on and on about how good the movie was, until they were tempted to go too. *woohoo* Anyway, i'm glad u girls enjoyed the movie! If not, i'll surely be dead by now. Really enjoyed times with you girls.

Went to Metro to shop a while, we took a few dresses and decide to proceed to the changing room to take pictures, thanks to my wonderful idea. Hahahaha. Really strange to see us in dresses uh? Especially our dearest Miss Grace Teoh! *hugz* You 2 look wonderful in dresses!

Proceeded to Library to borrow some books with Grace. She borrowed some track magazines, while i borrowed a ''Just friends'' romance book by Robyn Sisman. It's really thick with the font size set to small, but i enjoy reading it quite a lot.

Still feeling feverish and a bit of cough. Don't worry, i'll eat my medicine and be a good girl!

- @lone @t home -

2005-03-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

You know it's really bizzare the way things work.

I posted some pictures of me and him.

But somehow, it din get published.

Or rather, i can't find the entry i posted 1 min ago.

Is this some implication?

Perhaps something is telling me to stop searching.

Just freaking type a new entry and get on with life.

Which means forget everything, find a good guy and get on with life.

It seems pretty freaky.

2005-03-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

I'm back i'm back!

Finshed ECD and Marketing presentation @ one shot todae. YAY!

Was really mentally tired after the presentation finishes, dragged myself to Lot 1 to get the "promised" butterfly erasers for Janelle for tuition tml. She's getting really naughty, lying to me that there's no spelling and stuffs like that. Though it makes me mad, but i got to deal with it using a more kiddy approach. Told her the story about Peter and the wolf and Pinnochio. She seems a lil embarrassed. And i'm not going to stop telling her stories until she stops lying. *Weesh* Not an easy task teaching a P1 kid. Besides teaching her Chinese, i have got to instill in her the right values.

Mum called 3 times to ask me to buy bread and drinks. And i was like "HELLO? HAH? OK BYE.." inside Popular for 3 times. *LOL*

It's really nice shopping on my own though i can hate it at times.

Sore throat again, feel like ripping out my throat.

2005-03-07T11:48:00.000+08:00

I'm so pissed.

I can't find my AAA notes.

And to think that i have tutorial later.

Okie.

I'm super pissed now.

****

2005-03-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

Who may ascend the hill of Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his hands to an idol
or swear by what is false.

~PSALMS 24:3-4

Encouraged by the word of God as i read 'Every Day with Jesus' - For New Christians small booklet. Wanted to sleep, but decided to got up to read. I'm glad i made that decision.

Finished half of the powerpoint, and tml got to wake up earlier to glue the beads onto the jeans. Supposed to ask my mother to sew on my behalf for my project, but decided not to. Since the beads were so small, and i think she can't see properly since she already can't place the thread into the needle. It would be too taxing on her eyes.

Went to watch 'Hitch' with my cell group[Sabrina, Si'er, Ella, Pekhar, Peixuan] at WM. Had some great laughs but still dying to watch 'Howl's moving castle' with some of them i hope and Manping. [Manping] When will you be driving us out? Kekeke. Just realised some of the songs sung by Elva and Zhang Zhi Chen are composed by Si'er & Wayne. He doesn't look like someone who would compose songs man.

Anyway the way Si'er drove almost makes me laugh everytime. Almost always bumped onto that hump with 5 or 6 of us sitting inside his car. Although we had to squeeze like sardine, i love my CELL GROUP! No links right? But anyway, just wanna say LOVE EM TO BITS AND PIECES!

Oh shoot, Pekhar's going Germany this april for attachment! I'll be a lonely girl without my bestie sweetie best best girl friend around. Please wash your jeans okie? Hahahaha. :( Please don't be toooo happy after seeing this hor! And remember to lend me that book!

Gonna have 3 presentations this coming week. Marketing, Entrepreneurship & E-Commerce.

I guess i have more or less able to embark on the journey towards a new future now. I realised i haven't been thinking of him already, for around 1 month plus. I have been waking up, and looking forward to the day[part without the projects] and just smiling to myself that i have great friends like Pekhar around! Friends make the world go round man!

Whenever i thought of him, tears don't sting my eyes anymore. In replacement, blessings. I hope you're all well over there, and take care of your lil girlfriend in SG. I give my whole and most sincere blessings to the 2 of you.

I'm so happy! It just flows from my heart.

2005-03-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

Finally changed my blogskin & song.

A busy day today. Woke up like 8am, then went online for some project discussion and took cab and rushed to Jean's place to 'fetch' her and proceed to NP fer projects after that. But basically did nothing much there since Grace & ST has not arrived. Me & Jean send each other songs and the connection was like hella fast & both of us were like super excited.

Skipped E-Commerce tutorial & Marketing lecture along with ST n Grace in order to rush for our ECD project. Balance sheet of our start up company couldn't balance and we were screaming HELP all the time, but luckily ST the 'financial expert' finally managed to solve it. Me and Grace thus calculate all those formulas like Debt to Asset Ratio and Current Ratio in order to assess e firm's liquidity and stuffs like that. Took quite a long time to complete this and later proceeded to do the financial analysis.

Jean & ST were doing the balance sheet, making sure that everything was in order.

Finally, rushed to the printing room @ 4plus when it was supposed to close @ 5pm. Luckily we managed to make it and submitted the report @ around 545pm when it was supposed to be due at 530pm, but i guess the tutor haven't collected the reports since i felt tons of reports underneath the box when i threw my report into the stupid box. Can't believe our report totalled up to around 40pages.

Went to eat MAC with Jean Wee @ Bt Panjang. Shared some crappy stuffs to lighten both our mood. Were really stressed during the process of this whole project and almost argued a few times. But glad it's all over, and for the fact that we managed to uphold the contents as agreed upon our 'peace treaty'.

Jean came to my place afterwards since her boyfriend had something on. So we proceeded to make the jeans for our ECD sample presentation on tuesday. Grace passed us some un-used jeans and we cut the jeans out and drew butterflies & our company logo -LOLA- and sprinkled some pretty glitter onto it. It was quite nice though. We are born artists!

Anyway, hope Jean will be able to recover from her cornea infection soon. God bless.

And thank God for letting me open up to Grace as we shared some thoughts on Christianity and other stuffs. Thanks for praying for me ya?

Tuition's at 1030 tml, and i have got to sleep now.

My butterfly!

Jean's butterfly!

Lucie Silvas. She's a talent.

Going crazy.

2005-03-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

ever since the day you went away
and left me lonely and cold
my life just hasnt been the same
ohh baby, nooo
when I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down (down)

.
.
.

I gotta let you know
I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
for you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

~Natalie - Going Crazy

*we are destiny and for you i'd cross the world doesn't apply to my case. what a jerk. *smirk*

It has been a pretty freaky week. And the worst's not over yet. Part of it has.

Slept at 4plus am yester night. Rushed financial statements, UTM powerpoint. Woke up @ around 9am cos i received Mic's message, saying that she was in school rotting since her next class was 1pm & she finished @ 830am. Rushed to school to meet her to accompany her and also to have lunch since i missed my dinner the night before. Mum kept asking me to eat dinner until around 12am, she finally gave up and went to sleep. *oops*

Presentation for PQS n UTM went okay.

*wipes sweat off* *phew* Finally 2 modules are 'officially' over.

Report for Entrepreneurship is due @ 530pm tml. Let's hope we make it on time and not stucked in the printer room, with some printer fault. Still remembered Grace & myself were like kan cheong spiders last sem when we were printing our report for -i forgot what module-. We were still printing the report @ 445pm when the report was due @ 5pm. Had no choice but to borrow laptop from someone else in the printer room, no matter how much it embarrass us since they were also rushing to print reports. Those were the days....

Still waiting for Grace to send me the report. -_-""""

A sudden sadness surged through & shot right through me.

I envy those who are so in love now, even though it doesn't show outside of me.

Freaking busy.

2005-03-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

Hey, sorry for not updating for so long, have been quite busy doing projects and stuffs. I think i am in the -BUSY- mode in MSN most of the times now.

Went over to Jean's place to stay on Monday and return home on Tuesday. Was rushing project the whole afternoon and night at her place. Btw we did a really silly thing. We made each other sign a contract stating we shall not quarrel or fall out with each other in the course of the project. Cos we were both realli bad tempered gurlz, and when it comes to projects, it'll be chaos. LOL.

1 happy family.

acting crazie.

Jean's nephew.

busy at work.

Jean's contract.

My contract.

Having a terrible headache now.

Preparing cash flow budget statements for the 1st year of my 'starting' up business. I'm seriously going to die of asthma any moment. It's super tedious. Jean's preparing balance sheets and profit and loss statements. I hope everything goes well for the two of us. Btw, we're supposed to come up with a business plan for our imaginary business. So we are starting up this jeans customization service named Lola Jeans. Glad that we managed to work ard 30 pages of report liao. I'm freaking pissed at times. Shouldn't say why.

Having tuition later @ 730pm as usual. Don't feel like going, but can't. It's a problem of responsibility. Moreover, it wouldn't be nice postphoning and postphoning. Janelle got 100 marks for her last spelling. Hope she will do well for her spelling tml. She really trains my patience at times.

Having 2 presentations tml. Good, settle 2 at one shot.

*shoo-off to continue cash flow.

A bunch of silly fakers.

2005-03-01T11:06:00.000+08:00

True colours of humans are finally seen through.

Selfishness of humans.

We saw through you.

It's so hard to find a friend who's not wearing a *mask , in _____.

I pray .....

2005-02-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

Parents sort of had a small argument over the payment of bills again just now. When it started, i just hugged my pillow close to my chest because i'm afraid it would turn into something huge again.

Getting my tuition fee tml. But the money gonna go to my internet bill. Though it's only a mere $60 since the other $60 is absorbed by the tuition agency, i'm still glad i managed to settle one of the bills. It just hurts to see my dad getting so frustrated over the payment of bills.

I'm HAPPY that i can settle 2 of the bills next month.

Thinking of taking another tuition assignment so i can at least pay 4 bills.

God bless.

2005-02-24T00:40:00.000+08:00

Tired. After working on my ECD project. Finally squeezed out 4 pages for management planning. I figure there would still be another 30 to 40 pages to go for the rest of our statements. I wonder how Jean and myself is going to survive through this. I think i'll be going mad soon.

Went for a movie with my dear friend, Miss Mao. We watched "Hide and Seek". Almost choked on my nachos when the sound effect scare me, leaving me half dead. I have always liked thrilling and scary movies, but yet it's always super tiring for my hands. Know why? My hands are busy covering my ears. And it's super numb after the whole movie ended. Hee hee hee.

Rushed for tuition with Janelle after the movie. Bought a sharpener & some cutie erasers for her, which i thought she would like. Since she mentioned to me she din have any sharpeners, and always borrow it from her friends. What's life without some sharpeners and some decent erasers for a primary school kid right?

I remembered i used to love my pencil case a lot. Those cutie barbie girl pencil cases. I still remember the bookshop. To me, it was full of fancyful things which i could not afford at that time. Since a pretty bear eraser would costs around $.4 or $.5 whereas my pocket money was around $.5 during P1. I can only just stand at the counter and look at it. But never mind, i was already satisfied. =) Oh btw, i'm from South View Primary School, same Pri. Sch with Jialing, right from P1.

I think i'll post some of my photos back those days when i'm free ya? Jialing looks like a N.E.R.D whereas i'm kinda auntie, with my watch wore super high towards my arm. *schmiles*

I'm awake!

I'm a....w.....a.....k......e..........

*snorezzzz*

Playing DEAD!

"i'm currently using SK2. You can come closer to take a look. No wrinkles!!!!"

AHHHH!!!! " TAI JIN LERRRR"

BEARY ERASERS! YUMMY!

Ang kong kong sharpener.

Promised Janelle some beautiful butterflies erasers if she get 100 marks fer her spelling tml. She's been really good today. Scoring a perfect score of 100 marks for 3 practices of spelling rounds today. *schmiles* Proud of you!

PQS meeting tml @ 11am. *Yawnz*

Promised to change my blogskin once i spot something i REALLY REALLY like ya?

Good night.

Thank you Grace for keeping me in Prayer.

Did i mention i took my doggies along when my dad went to fetch my mum after work @ Turf City. They were really good. No barks and everything. Although they were really excited but they sat still in the car,which makes me more eager to take them out for walks. There's a deserted track @ Turf City, some deserted big space for them to run around. Another place undiscovered.

Sweet dreams my friends... Love all of ya so much so much....

Cherish the present.

2005-02-22T21:49:00.000+08:00

Where will we be in another 5 years?

We would be having this lil gathering 5 years later. And we would be asking each other how our life has been. Kids might be running around. Some might turn up for this gathering in executive suits. Some others might not turn up at all, perhaps they are busy with the hectic worklife of theirs.

Some of us might be young mothers, and i'll be holding the lil kid of perhaps Pekhar and Jiewei, cuddling the baby. Some of us might have emigrated to other countries. Some of us might be working as stewardess in SIA or Emirates. Some of us might be entrepreneurs. Some of us might still be studying. Or working.

Each of us have something different going on in our lives, and we are all working towards to what we perceive as our dream or just for the sake for making money.

And perhaps i'll be telling Pekhar....

"Can't believe we were clueless teenagers once, when handing in homework and BGR problem seems to be our biggest problems."

Beautiful one.

2005-02-22T19:41:00.000+08:00

Regards.

Feel as if i haven been truly updating my blog.

I think i will be tied down by committments in projects very soon.

More or less, troubled by projects already.

Presentation for PQS[Productivity & Quality Studies] next thursday. Submission of business plan which, i think will be almost 50pages or more by next friday. Understanding the Media project presentation & report submission soon. Marketing project due soon [which doesn't concern me & jean] since we split project.

Sometimes, i just feel it's unfair.

Sometimes, i just wanna find someone i can rely on. Someone whom i can cry on his shoulders. Someone who can comfort me when i'm feeling down. Someone who will give me his support in everything i do. Someone whom i can share my joy with.

When i see him, my heart will jump. And my breath will stop. When i look into his eyes, it leaves me electrocuted. When we brush our glance across each other, i can't help but to smile. Blushing when i see him.

Ah... That would be so beautiful.

A smile in anticipation for a new day

2005-02-20T17:37:00.000+08:00

it's amazing how i manage to wake up every morning with a smile.

our lovely sun has risen and woke up to a new day. it just makes me smile thinking of it.

much distractions in between. studyin for AAA now. I'm so tired. gosh.

service was great as usual. combined tertiary cell yesterday was enriching. what a pity me & pekhar din get to go for dinner with the rest of them as i had to rush home for studies while pekhar need to buy something for Amy.

She has given birth to a baby girl! Guess she's quite heavy for a baby girl, around 9 pounds. Thank God she had a smooth delivery.

-back to AAA-

will update again soon soon. i promise. *hugz all my frensies*

-loves the song "breathe in" by lucie silvas-