It's 321am. And dear diary.. What am i doing? I'm still chatting and surfing. Woohoo. Been staying up late these few damn days. And been waking up in the noon with swollen eyes. Meet Pekhar, Sarah & Manping earlier on @ cwp for Princess Diaries 2.

Had an enjoyable date with em. For more details, please proceed to Pekhar aka APH's blog.

I'm beginning to feel AGAIN that this is becoming a public blog.

Fark.

I'm begining to count down to the days he will b back from Wallaby.

I don't like myself. Why am i like this? Much as i don't want myself to keep brooding over him, but i just can't help it.

Recently got to know this guy called Jason who's in armour also @ Sungei Gedong also. But from SAR 46. He doesn't know HIM. But he said his whole unit just came back from Wallaby. I was so tempted to ask him about all the things they did over there. Whether they visited any hookers?

Things r really bad. One year ago, i wouldn't even haf thought that things would ended up this way. I have to pratically dig for information regarding him through whatever channels i can. Or even asking people like Jason about the things they did over there (which i din asked).

I want to thank God for bringing me through. He gave me the strength. I remembered i was feeling damn weak and depressed the week before we broke up because i have a hunch that we will break. I kept praying to God, telling him and asking him to gif him strength. Asking him to gif me strength when my own tears are falling out.

I din think i will be strong.

Strangely enough, the evening we broke up, i was feeling exceptionally calm. I felt peace. I felt a burden lifted off. I could even call Pekhar and told her what has happened without crying, but instead cracking jokes and laughing. I asked God to helped me through for the week. Giving me strength to move on every single sec, min, hour and day.

The weirdest thing was, i moved on without much tears.

Then i felt the strength slowly go away. As though he was letting me learn how to be strong on my own and learning to stand up on my own.

Thank you God. For bringing me through this hard journey.

I'm half the road to the road of TOTAL Recovery.

You may think it's fast. But i don't want this to affect my school work. I wan to start the new sem with a fresh new mood, a fresh new ME, a fresh new life.

I wan to decorate my room with lots of photos. Of my friends and I. To encourage myself. To remind myself that there's still my 7 dwarfs and poly de gd friends to spur me on. I know ur will always be there for me.

I wan to set new goals for myself. I wan to spend my life peacefully.

Though i badly hope and wish tat you will come back to me.

I got a farking hunch that you won't.