I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm afraid everything will go wrong at the last minute. Do i have the right to feel this way? Do i have the freedom to feel this way?

Spent the day with my family & mother at SGH in her ward. Sitting beside her bed, and just being there for her. Dad & Bro left at around 5 plus while i accompanied my mother till 8 plus. Auntie, my mum's elder sister came to visit her. Grace and her church mates dropped by and prayed for her. 3 sisters from Bukit Panjang church came over and talked to her and prayed for her. I'm really thankful for all these moral support that all of them have been giving.

These 3 kind sisters then send us home as one of them was driving. Auntie and me tagged along and they dropped us at Lot 1 since Auntie wanted to go Jest'D Place to listen to song and dance. I tagged along with her. She bumped into her male friend there and i just sat at the table and drank some vodka lime. Bumped into my aunt(Dad's sister aka Gwen's Mum). Kept waving at her frantically and she was looking at me like i was some crazy idiot. She finally managed to see who the hell i am after around 1 minute.

Anny just called me. She's Raymond's cousin and she's working as a nurse in SGH. She says she will be in the operating theater and will drop by a while to accompany my mum. I'll be droppping by in the morning to accompany and give my mother moral support. And then i'll most prolly go home and then go back to the hospital in the evening, during which she might still be unconsicous and in the ICU with all sorts of tubes inserted into her.

Prof Christ Goh, Dr Lim, 2 dental surgeons and the "ma zui shi" came over to visit her today. Everything sounds so scary. All the bones of her cheek will be taken out, along with her eye. Replaced with steel to support the structure of her cheek. And i'll know everything starting from her uneasiness starts tomorrow. All her usual complains of pain in her gums will be doubled starting from tomorrow.

What's the most difficult thing i have to face, you ask me?

To see her in pain.