Praise the Lord, he has never forsaken me!

I'm getting really busy with projects and tests. Have been staying up till 2-3am plus for the few previous night to discuss and complete my project. It was really tough, and i believe the tough will keep coming. No matter how tough it may seem, i'll continue moving on because the sunshine will be here soon.

Have a great piece of news to share with those who are reading my blog now. We are currently receiving financial aid from NKF Cancer Fund, with a monthly aid of $800 for a period of 6 months. It's better than nothing actually. Will really help us a great deal although i thought the amount will be greater intitially.

Did a couple of things which busied me until afternoon.

1)Call CPF and enquire about DPS.
2)Look for SingPass and file application for DPS.
3)Call M1 to cancel Mum's line.
4)Call SGH for appointment.
5)Prepare necessary documents to be mailed to CPF, DPS.

DPS is Dependant's Protection Scheme, to which one is insured under a max sum of $44,000. Filed my application for DPS's claims as my mum is entitled to claims under physical incapacity, but needs case review. Hopefully, she will be able to claim under this scheme. Prepare some documents to be mailed over to CPF first thing in the morning tomorrow.

I finally finished my Person Analysis part of my Training Development project yesterday midnight. Rushed my project until a point when i felt like breaking down. Anlayze the results of my questionnaire and typed it in report format. Left with some parts of the project unfinished. Jean have been telling me not to be so stressed up from yesterday till today. Whenever i did my projects, i tend to give myself a lot of stress as i expect the best from what i can contribute myself. Sorry Jean for being bad tempered!

Yesterday was my 2nd month anniversary with Yibin. We met up after school. Helped his group to carry his stall's stuffs over to his friend, Hanqing's house. Deborah and me was like carrying the lightest stuff of all, while the guys carried boxes stacked upon boxes. Anyway, we went to Cineleisure to watch "War of the Worlds". Best movie i have ever watched. 5 stars over 5 stars. But i hate the little girl's scream. Watch it and you will know what i mean. It's super irritating and like, killing chickens. I'm glad the both of us made efforts to meet up, though we were very busy the past few weeks with our own projects and other stuffs. Did not had much time to meet up actually.

He's setting up a Nacho stall in the NP library, along with his project group. Bubble tea area. Please go and support k? The nachos are nice ok! You will know what I mean when you taste it. So go and buy one NOW!

He's going over to China on 17th July for 6 days i think, with his specialisation. HOW NICE!

Actually almost my whole class is going to Shanghai in August for a 4days 3 nights trip. It's freaking cheap too. $550. But i'm not going, will be left behind with Jean. Realised I have never gone on a overseas trip in my whole 3 yrs in Poly life. I always am the one who is in Singapore, envying others who went for their overseas trip. Always always. But i believe i will have the chance. I want to take my mum & family shopping in Hongkong/Shanghai when i start working. All expenses paid by me. Of course, i'll have to work doubly hard and save doubly hard. But no worries, i just want to see my family HAPPY!

Have a test on Monday. Thank God i studied 2 chapters already.

Update again.

hoping praying

Service was good today. I got to see my cell mates today, after like a century. It's always nice to see warm familiar faces, welcoming you and smiling at you. Just looking at them brings warmth to my heart. And the best part was, i got to catch up with my bestie friend Pekhar after for like 2 centuries. *grins*

After which, Dad came to fetch me along with Bro to hospital to fetch my mother! Cos she was discharged today! Praise the Lord for the speed of recovery and for even her early discharge by a day or two. Thank God!

Slept for a while after returning from the hospital. Was always tired after getting back from the hospital. But i did not have a good sleep. The afternoon heat and sun was scorching like wild fire and it was definitely making me have a sleepless nap. *groans* Wasted nap.

Yibin drove me to Teck Whye to buy claypot rice for my father and bro and myself. I can feel myself brightening up even as i walked towards his car. The thought of seeing him just cheers me up and seriously, wakes me up. Everytime i'm with you, there is nothing i can feel but happiness. Really nothing but happy happy happy all the way.

By the way, when I saw the small kids hanging around when my family + Mum reached home. I knew things were gonna turn bad for some reason. I had a hunch the kids would say something that would make my mum sad. I knew it. They asked so happily "Auntie, why your eyes like that one?" I stoned for a while, not daring to move, and definitely avoiding eye contact with my mum, and very quickly carrys on walking into the house. She heard it, but she pretended not to hear it but just walked inside quickly. I knew she was extremely sad inside, but chose not to express it. What can i do to take away all the pain that she's feeling?

And when we were waiting for Dad's car at the hospital lobby, she suddenly turned to me and said " People have 2 eyes, I only have 1 eye. I feel very xinku." Seriously, my heart ache so much at that moment. I was at a loss for words but i knew i had to say something to make her feel better. Told her that she is in a much better situation compared to those who immediately lose their sight of their 2 eyes at once. She seems to know all these but it just am so hard to register in her mind. I'm praying that everything will go easy for her, and that there can even be a sense of peace and calmess in her heart so that she can take everything in her stride.

*sigh* hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying

Chat in MSN with Rhys. Her new nickname is "Da Tou" aka Wu Zhong Xian's Mui Mui. Simply love chatting with her to bits and pieces.

constantly hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying hoping praying.

禱告

God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Working hard on the scrap book that i'm going to give my mum. -Cancer is not a terminal disease- Inclusive are verses from the bible and well wishes from my friends in Polytechnic. At this moment, my printer is currently spoiled. Always manages to break down when i need it the most. I hate HP and Lexmark.

Hopefully, the cost of repairing the printer won't be expensive. Sim Lim cheap?

If not, i'm gonna get a Canon printer, as recommended by Yibin.

Realised i haven't been spending time with my doggies. Argh, i'm so guilty.

How to be a good and understanding GF for DUMMIES?

My forte. Taking pictures. Non stop. My form of releasing stress. My form of having fun.

Took pictures non stop at Suntec City with Yibin today after accompanying him to Lavender to change his passport photo. His passport photo is soooo cute, like a xiao toot kia. *oops* That was when he was in Primary five. His newest passport photo looks like a Ah Beng. 8-\ To think that i was an Ah Lian in the past. *oops* I really am not in a position to say that Yibin looks like a Ah Beng! Hee Hee hee!

Yibin sent me to SGH though he was in a hurry to get to his grandma's place to help his uncle move something. Sweet uh? Thanks so much for taking the trouble to send me to SGH. And sorry for the un-necessary fuss that i kicked up yesterday night. It really happened when i was at the lowest of mood and i hope we'll just forget the whole damn thing. I want to be a good and understand girlfriend.

Any books like "100 ways how to be a good and understanding GF for DUMMIES?"

Mum's fever shot to 39 degrees. Fed her with the panadol pounded medicine. And kept switching the position of the ice pack for her. Doctor changed the temporary plate of "flesh" which was supposed to aid her in drinking and eating, if not the things she drink will flow from her nose. It's the piece of flesh which is between your upper right and left row of teeth, really have no idea what's that called.

I'm sure it bled a lot. This is so hard on her.

I'm tired. Meaning physically.

Sleep.

My lovely, ever wonderful besties.

Just read Grace's blog and no doubt it brought back a lot of memories, and even reminded me of how she had been there all along for me and with me. I'm very blessed to have a friend like her. Only thing i regret is, why didn't we got into the same project group during our first semester in Year 1. Back then, did not really know her well since both of us were working with different people in different project groups.

I'm beginning to miss her company a lot, especially during tutorials and lectures. I miss the sweets and food that she will always bring along with her in lectures. *oopsie* I miss her laughter and all her nonsense. *another oopsie*

But nevertheless, we'll always stay in contact, regardless of the fact that we're in different specialisation. My Monday to Wednesday lunch breaks will always be reserved for you! *doesn't that sound a bit les?* I'm really so glad that all of us still put in effort to meet during our 1 or 2 hour lunch breaks and for the fact that, we are still as close as ever! ^^

And thank you for making efforts to visit my mother every now and then when you're free.

Speaking of my mum, she's feeling better now except for a slight fever. Yesterday evening, her fever shot up to 38.2 degrees. Nurse gave us a cold compression pack which basically is a ice pack. Kept letting the ice pack change positions between her neck and forehead every now and then, to make sure her temperature drops. Her leg is feeling better now, she can even get up and walk to the toilet on her own! Praise the Lord for her speed of recovery! All glory goes to you alone!

And i hope that Pekhar can cope with her studies and projects too. She seems so stressed lately. It's especially hard when you have to rush for your projects and meet your project mates on weekends. And it's not just a weekend, it's every weekend. I understand the stress that you're going through, but don't forget to even give yourself some well deserved rest too ya? Your body system needs a rest too my dear friend! :)


What's the best argument we can give those who ask why we have accepted Jesus as our Savior? How can we most persuasively bear witness to our faith?

"Always be ready," Peter urged, "to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you" (1 Peter 3:15). The Greek term for "reason" is apology. That doesn't mean a weak-kneed excuse; it means a convincing argument.

Always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you. —1 Peter 3:15

Don't think that because you aren't a philosopher or a scholar that you can't be an apologist. You can bear witness to the truth and power of the gospel. Your life can be your own best argument—your best defense of your faith in Jesus Christ—to anyone who asks why you believe.

So put your faith into practice. Let people see the difference Jesus makes. —Vernon Grounds

Lovely angels.

Thank You Auntie Kwee Hoom, for the lovely flowers and the endless encouragements through sms she gave me. It reads:

Dear Siew Ley,

Wishing you a speedy recover.

Regards,

Westside Anglican Church

Mum might be discharged tomorrow noon or the day after. Praise the Lord for protecting her during the operation and for even ensuring that the operation was a successful one. It's tiring, to rush to the hospital after class ends. It's such a loooong bus ride with Bus no. 174.

Raymond came to visit today. Shirley and her boyfriend came to visit today. Anny the kind hearted soul dropped by everyday after her work to check on my mum's condition. I just feel God is sending me lovely angels around me, to help me and my family along this tough journey.

As the bus was passing by town, i looked up towards the sky where the lovely sun was hiding behind the clouds. Why, you may ask me? I wanted to spot if there was any angels flying among the clouds as i remembered there was an article which spotted an angel in the clouds.

But then something strike me.

I don't have to look for angels.

They are all around me, with me. All of you are such angels!

My tears gave way...

I miss Yibin.

He kept wiping my tears away today in hospital. I teared when i saw the state of my mum's condition. It wasn't bad. I was just sad to see the stitchmarks across her face, which i wasn't prepared for. Her right eye was covered with a bandage.

She asked me not to cry when i teared in front of her. I'm so useless, i shouldn't have cried in front of her. I should have ran outside and just let the tears flow. I don't want her to feel that she's a burden to us, you understand?

I can see my brother fighting back the tears he had in his eyes. His eyes was red, and he kept walking up and down the hospital corridor. Probably because of the fact that there was a high possibility that we might have to give up our 2 dogs. Mum's elder brother talked to me, and asked me to give up the 2 dogs for my mum's sake. The moment he said that, i CRIED again. Walked over to Yibin and he kept wiping my tears away, while fresh hot tears kept rolling down despite my attempt to hold it back.

But i told myself, I have grown up and i must learn how to make choices. My mum or my dogs? I have to choose either one. I chose my mum. I began searching for potential friends who might want to keep my dogs. And i found Pekhar! Her family was willing to keep Beauty and pay for her expenses, and even told me that i can take back Beauty anytime i want to. I was very touched when i heard that.

Dad afterwards, told me that there was a solution which was to keep the dogs inside the laundry area. And take them down for walks everyday. In that way, the fur won't fly around and won't make my mum allergic or sneeze. I really hope this solution can work as everyone will be suffering emotionally if my precious 2 doggies is given away. Beauty is with me for 8/9 years, i'm sure i'll cry everyday. My mood instantly became better when i heard this. ^_^

Grace and her friend came to visit my mum too. It was so sweet of them to even give me a hug before they left. Their 2nd time visiting my mother at the hospital. Pastor Timothy also gave me a call to send his regards. I think my phone bill will be huge this month. I have no FREE INCOMING CALL! JI DAN!!!

A lot of relatives will be popping by tomorrow to visit, and i'm super worried that they might disrupt my mother resting. I know that they are just concerned but i'm also worried for my mother mar.

Hope Xiaohan will be able to get the job i introduced her through my precious friend, Szewei! Will be seeing Xiaohan, Shirley and Gwen tomorrow i think. ^^ And i seriously miss hanging out with PEKHAR!!! My dear friend, who has been with me through the ups and downs in my life, who has lend me her greatest support she can ever give, and who has given me enormous amount of encouragement, I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! Don't be too sad cos Tom Cruise broke up with you and is about to get married okie? I'll be here for you. Pssst, Brad Pitt told me he admires YOU!

Brother mopping the floor tomorrow. I'm vacuuming the floor. Dad is bathing the dogs tomorrow. Each one of us has an important mission. Hahahaha. Mission Impossible. I'm sleeping now. Thank you all for your concern. Especially Pekhar and Grace and Yibin.

Thanks for enduring through all my nonsense i have been giving you Mr Ralk. Thanks for being here for me. Just being here for me makes me feel better. ^^

Prayers works.

Moshi Moshi.

Going down to SGH later with Yibin & brother. I'm so worried for my mother. Anny called me twice on my handphone at around 5 plus in the morning but i was sound asleep so she called my father instead to inform him that the operation is completed. Luckily we did not wait for the operation, if not we will go crazy, seriously crazy. Imagine, wheeled in at 4pm and operation finishes at 5am. There must be some delay in the operation theater which makes em start the operation at around midnight?!?

Father went down earlier at 6am. Nurse asked him to collect Mum's clothings and he wanted to see how she is doing etc. Father said she is doing okay. She can talk and stuffs etc. But i seriously hope she don't feel sad inside. Anything must communicate to us one right?

AH Yi just called me, asking for her ward and stuffs. Uncle is flying over from KL to see my mother.

I kept praying yesterday, for her safety during the operation and a heart of calmness when she wakes up.

MUMMY BE STRONG!!!!!

I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm afraid everything will go wrong at the last minute. Do i have the right to feel this way? Do i have the freedom to feel this way?

Spent the day with my family & mother at SGH in her ward. Sitting beside her bed, and just being there for her. Dad & Bro left at around 5 plus while i accompanied my mother till 8 plus. Auntie, my mum's elder sister came to visit her. Grace and her church mates dropped by and prayed for her. 3 sisters from Bukit Panjang church came over and talked to her and prayed for her. I'm really thankful for all these moral support that all of them have been giving.

These 3 kind sisters then send us home as one of them was driving. Auntie and me tagged along and they dropped us at Lot 1 since Auntie wanted to go Jest'D Place to listen to song and dance. I tagged along with her. She bumped into her male friend there and i just sat at the table and drank some vodka lime. Bumped into my aunt(Dad's sister aka Gwen's Mum). Kept waving at her frantically and she was looking at me like i was some crazy idiot. She finally managed to see who the hell i am after around 1 minute.

Anny just called me. She's Raymond's cousin and she's working as a nurse in SGH. She says she will be in the operating theater and will drop by a while to accompany my mum. I'll be droppping by in the morning to accompany and give my mother moral support. And then i'll most prolly go home and then go back to the hospital in the evening, during which she might still be unconsicous and in the ICU with all sorts of tubes inserted into her.

Prof Christ Goh, Dr Lim, 2 dental surgeons and the "ma zui shi" came over to visit her today. Everything sounds so scary. All the bones of her cheek will be taken out, along with her eye. Replaced with steel to support the structure of her cheek. And i'll know everything starting from her uneasiness starts tomorrow. All her usual complains of pain in her gums will be doubled starting from tomorrow.

What's the most difficult thing i have to face, you ask me?

To see her in pain.

Acceptance of Christ.

I wanna Praise my Lord for everything that he has done for me. He answered my prayer! One by one, he answers them all. He is a faithful God.

Pastor Ong and 3 sisters in the name of Christ came over to evangelise to my mother. And also to visit her. I stood by and listened to them speak, even of their experience near death. One of the sisters had a brain surgery whereby she thought she would die, but she saw Jesus and Jesus told her that it's not her time yet and he send her back to earth. And at that moment, she woke up in the hospital bed. Jesus creates miracles!

They shared the gospel with her, very patiently. Understanding that she's tired and needs ample rest. My mum listened and i guess some of the things they asked and shared with her sets her thinking. And she accepted Christ. I was really excited and really happy for her. So much that tears formed in my eyes when we were praying. I wanted to just go and congratulate her and hug her.

Yes, Jesus is Real and Jesus is Alive and he hears our prayers. Prayers through faith. Jesus has called us to be his witnesses by giving our testimony of how he has been with us, and of his works in our lives. Jesus changes people's lives. He definitely changes me for the better. Jesus is my Lord. Praise the Lord, and may his works be glorified.

Back to myself. Life in school is plain sailing, stacked with endless projects. I'm slogging my way out every single night, rushing my tutorials and researching for my projects. Meeting Shenghao, Claryn and Charlene tomorrow for my Compensation Mangement project. I have so many groups that i forgot who i'm with and which project i'm doing for which. Absent minded me. Yeah, that's just me.

Gonna present my Industrial Relations project next week.
Training and Development project due in 3 weeks time.
Compensation Management is due soon.
International Business project presentation next tuesday.

I admit that i'm stressed, getting more and more stressed. But i gather that's just the normal cycle of a tertiary student's life isn't it? Everyone have to go through this and what really matters in my opinion, is how you manage your time and how much effort you put into it.

Went out with Yibin this afternoon. Though it was a short time, but i definitely enjoyed the time spent with him. I miss holding his hands, hugging him and resting my head on his shoulders so much. Dear, let's make more effort to spend more time with each other okie? I love you.

Footprints.

Rejoice in the Lord!

Thank you Uncle Raymond, Gladys, Rhys, Emiko, Pekhar for coming over to visit my mother today. Really a big thanks to Raymond, especially. He came all the way down just to pay my mother a visit. He's a very nice friend. Sabrina said he's kind of like, on attachment to WAC. He's from a bible school i think. Great ambitions and great guy. Praise the Lord!

Pastor Ong and a sister is popping by my place on tues night to evangelise to my mother. I would like to see her receiving God into her life, and even receiving eternal life. But i know all these takes time and patience. I won't give up. End time is near, and the second coming of Christ will be soon. I'm happy yet unhappy. Why? If my family are buddhist, i can't see them in Heaven where i'll be going when Jesus takes all the Christians along to Heaven in his 2nd coming.

7 tears of tribulations is what they will be experiencing in Earth. God is a merciful God. He gave all these non believers 7 years to believe in him. 7 years of sufferings. God wants to see all of us believing in him, as he is our creator, our Father. Which Father doesn't want to see his children coming to him and seeking him and adoring him? He is the Father, who loves you for who you are.

My Father in Heaven, i trust you and i have faith in you. Every event is screened through you and each event is placed in my life in order to help me grow. Testing of my faith for you. Father, I will walk this with you till the very end. I know that You are always here beside me. I can sense and feel it, my Lord. I know that everything you planned in my life, there's a purpose for it and i shan't question why.

Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:4

I have a burning desire to share the following story with those who are reading my blog at this moment.

Footprints

One night, a man had a dream. He dreamed that he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed 2 sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life, there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most, you would leave me."

The LORD replied," My Precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trials and sufferings, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Time slows down.

You may not understand why i locked my blog with a password. But i just felt so restricted from refraining myself to blog about some stuffs. And the feeling isn't good. I just want to blog my feelings about my day, and the events which went through my day so that I can even, remember it in future when i looked through my blog.

Today's good. Met Yibin during the morning to go to school together. Was a little late for Training and Development tutorial but well, Ms Tan didn't care about it so well, we don't care either. Class was like a mini market. Suddenly there were so many people in class, either for makeup tutorials from other classes or whatever. No one knows and no one cares. Everyone just did their own things, busy with their own stuffs. Jean and myself strolled for a while in my class before we found seats beside Claryn.

Time seems to slow down, and going to school just doesn't make me happy anymore. It's the company with classmates which matters, which motivates me to go to school and learn. I just miss grace and siew teng and regina so much.

Yesterday, i cooked Apple and Xue Li soup. Mum praised me for my new learnt culinary skills. Brother too. Dad didn't say anything, but there was not a single sip left in his bowl. And besides the soup, i also steamed egg tofu with meat on top of it. Beautified it with baby potatoes around the plates. It just compliments so well. When i see the happy smile on my mum's face, nothing seems to matter anymore.

Cousin Gwen came over yesterday to visit my mother. Talking to her was like stress relief therapy. She makes me laugh and forget my trouble. Asked me to approach her should i find any difficulty with the Cancer Fund Application. Still gathering the required supporting documents. Called Dr Lim and asked him if he could help us to fill in the doctor's section of the forms. He agreed immediately, and asked me to pass to him when my mum is admitted. He's such a nice doctor. :) *smiles*

I'm waiting for Yibin to come online. I miss you so much.

Amazing Love, How can it be?

Anyone have any idea why i'm still wide awake at this wee hour? I feel like slapping myself for indulging in a 4 hours nap in the noon time, which explains why my eye just won't listen to my command. I'm such an idiot.

It's 2.11am and i'm sitting here, updating my blog silently. Biggest idiot in the world wide world. Any idea why i'm feeling such a moron right now? I'm an early bird and i absolutely doesn't like to sleep late. I mean, i don't have the habit of sleeping late. Unless i'm out or whatever, there's an excuse for it. But now..*strangles myself* It's just so weird not to sleep at this hour when most of the people are happily snoring away in their sleep.

By the way, i wanna give my praise to the Lord. I'm so happy, really so happy. Went to the neuro-surgeon this afternoon with my family. The thing which seems to be inside my mum's right brain seems to be some water collection, which might have been there since she was born. This, we don't know of course. But according to Dr John Thomas, we don't have to worry about it in the meantime. He advised us to go for the operation first to solve the big problem, before solving the small problem which was the thing in the brain.

Before he told us that, my hand was actually in my pocket, clutching onto my handphone tightly. And i could feel my handphone almost cracking. Nah, that was an exaggeration. Well, almost cracked. I was scared to hear the results, but i'm glad everything turned out fine. Praise the Lord! He has blessed us!

My mum felt very giddy this morning even as she was in the hospital. My father kept on holding on to her. And this was the first time in what seems like, a century, first time in so many years i have seen them holding hands. I should say, what has happened, has actually shook my father awake and made him realise the importance of my mother. I'm glad he's out from the control of the devil! Alot of things happened, which made me think that he has changed for the better. This could all be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps at the expense of my mother's eye.

I was sitting at the SGH canteen with my mother. And i asked if i could pray for her as there was a strong desire inside me which was urging me to pray for her. And so, i did. She said okie. And i held on to her hands tightly and prayed for her. I'm glad i did so. :) Thank you God for even giving me the courage to speak out my thoughts and even start praying for my mother openly.

Her right eye is getting more and more swollen day by day, and vision is failing day by day. Father Lord, i ask of you to even perform miraculous healing upon her, Lord. That her eye can even be healed Lord. That you can even minister to her Lord. I do believe in miracles.

10 more days before her operation. Let's continue to pray in faith sincerely to our Father in Heaven. I ask of your protecting hands to even protect her during the operation Lord. And to even help her to overcome any mental blocks that might even be demoralizing her Father Lord. And for even openess in her heart Father, that she can even be drawn closer to you Father Lord. That she can even be encouraged by the fact that you are always there for her Lord, No matter where she is, what she will become and who she is. That you are always beside her Lord. That she can even be saved by your mercy. Father I pray for her salvation, that she can even have eternal life too Lord.

Part of lyrics of a song keeps on replaying in my mind.

Amazing Love, How can it be?

That you, my King would die for me.

Amazing Love, I know it's true.

It's my joy to honour you.

In all I do, I honour you.

I'm really encouraged by all the friends who have been constantly encouraging me, and listening to my woes. I'm really really very encouraged. I'll stay and live strong. Friends stay true to the end. Friends are such a blessing in my life.

It's 2.39am. And i'm slowly drifting to sleep. Good night. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS WORKS!

The battle against Cancer.

Yes, i watched the tv programme. The auntie who's the same case as my mother.

It pains my heart to even think that my mother would be in the same situation as her a few weeks later. The eye looks fake, but i assured and re-assured my mother that the eye looks quite real. I asked her not to think too much and think positively. I told her we will all be there for her. She replied me, I am not thinking too much, I just thought "Why me?".

At that instant, i have no definite answer. Why you?

Huiling and Sabrina prayed for me today in church service. Huiling told me that God isn't punishing me nor my mother by this cancer. She gave me lots of encouragement and advice. She told me Unfortunately when others are still enjoying their teenage years, I have to grow up and face the reality of life. And i have to grow up fast. I'm not complaining that i don't have the opportunity to enjoy all my teenage years but i'm just appalled by the speed which i have to grow up at.

Thank you Raymond and Si'er for even taking the opportunity to talk to me and express your concern for my mum even when your were about to leave for the Church camp. Yes, i remember what you said, Si'er. God is in control of everything.

The fight against cancer is a long and bitter battle. During which at times, one may feel like giving up and even just die to rid others of the burden. This is the time where encouragement and support from family members, relatives and friends come in. It's evident that support like this helps one to pull through all these trials. Cancer patients deserve my respect.

All the radio-therapy and chemo-therapy sessions might even cause my mum not to swallow even a single sip of water. She might even take 5 minutes just to swallow a sip of water. My heart cries for her, bleeds for her, yearn for God to take away all her pain.

We're not financially stable. I don't know which of us will be able to take her for all these therapy sessions all day long? How long will we be able to sustain? Dad can't afford to miss work, I can't afford to miss school, Bro can't afford to miss school. But i believe God will provide us with a way.

Spirit of God, my life you've changed.

I was in a convenience store one day, standing in line behind a man paying for his groceries. When he was finished, the clerk sent him off with a cheery "Have a great day!"

To the clerk's surprise (and mine) the man exploded in anger. "This is one of the worst days of my life," he shouted. "How can I have a great day?" And with that he stormed out of the store.

I understand the man's frustration; I too have "bad" days over which I have no control. How can I have a great day, I ask myself, when it's beyond my control? Then I remember these words: "This is the day the Lord has made" (Psalm 118:24).

The Lord has made every day, and my Father will show Himself strong on my behalf today. He has control over everything in it—even the hard things that will come my way. All events have been screened through His wisdom and love, and they are opportunities for me to grow in faith. "His mercy endures forever" (v.1). "The Lord is on my side; I will not fear" (v.6).

Now, when people give me the parting admonition to have a great day, I reply, "That's beyond my control, but I can be grateful for whatever comes my way, and rejoice—for this is the day the Lord has made." —David Roper

When dawn announces each new day,Before you rise up out of bed,Rejoice—be glad and give God praise,And thank Him for what lies ahead. —Sper

A smile is a curve that can set things straight.

"Bless the Lord who satisfies your desires with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:5

Let's continue praying in faith.

I realised my blog has been an avenue for me to release my stress, my worries and my thoughts.

Dr.Lim is a nice person. He comforted my mother and gave her encouragement. But he's a little blur. He keeps walking into the wrong room. And i'm so almost afraid that he might give the wrong diagnosis.

Dr.Lim says the tumour in my mum's brain might be benign. He will need the help of SGH's neurologist to confirm everything since they are the specialists. But he has already booked my mum for a 4 hours operation on 17th June. However, if the neurologists confirmed that the tumor has already started spreading, there's no way to cure her even if they operated on her nose and eyes. So let's continue praying for my mum alright? P.U.S.H. = Pray until Something Happen.

Thank you Sabrina and my cell group, who have been praying continously every night for my mother. Thank you so much so much sooo sooo much.

I guess it's quite a major operation. Neurologists, Dr Lim, Dr Christopher Goh and the dental doctors are all going to be inside the operating theatre with my mother. I'll guess i'll be skipping school on that day to lend my mother support and to help her pray. There'll still be a lot to do after the operation. All these chemo-therapy treatments. Guess she will be staying in the hospital for around 5 days.

Staff nurse briefed us on the operation. My mother might feel pain even after the operation, and she might feel like vomitting. All these, she needs to be mentally prepared. But all i know now is, her morale is quite low. Still a lot to be done to help her regain all her confidence level.

Dr Lim looks very serious just now when he told us about the tumour if it spreads. I controlled myself and forced back all the tears. I cannot cry in front of my mother. If not, she will think that she's a burden on us. No, i can't cry.

Let's continue praying.

A joyful but tired day.

Aloha.

A busy day today, filled with joy.

Today's Training & Development tutorial was way cool. We stood up and introduced ourselves, using a word to describe ourselves and everyone will say "Hi Cindy" or "Hi Jean" or "Hi whoever". It's like a welcoming echo, just when you have introduced who you were. It's weird though, to conduct this on the last day of the week.

We played games, -knowing each other- games. And we has to throw a tennis ball to someone who is standing in the full circle, while calling out his/her name. Well, Claryn passed the tennis ball to me while i passed it to Navi, an Indian girl in my class. And we had absolute fun and laughter, while getting to know each other more during the game. And we manages to complete passing the ball in 1 second. Don't ask me how we do it, there was just a certain way and i'm lazy to type it out.

Met up with Cheryl, Sarah and Ka Yan for lunch during break. It was nice, catching up with them.

Went to International Business Lecture with Cheryl, and we left halfway. Oh ya, i think those who went for the China trip has to present the final presentation in front of the whole lecture hall sometime later. Good Luck, especially to Jean, Chong Ling and Wendy. I grew so envious of them while listening to Jean speak about her adventure in China and of course, all those shopping trips in Hong Kong. Thanks for the earrings and the cute handphone accessory, i simply loves it lotsa.

Cheryl got into the selection for the NRA Hip Hop Selection! I'm really so happy for her. *hugs* Well Done girl.

After i got back home, Dad came back to fetch me and Mum to Yew Tee as Mum wanted to have a haircut. Dad & me did some shopping in NTUC. And sad to say, it was the first time i shopped with my Dad in the NTUC in my 19 years. But i'm still glad God have changed him for the better. Really glad and happy. Nothing can express how happy i felt inside.

Came back home and prepared dinner. I cut my finger while i was opening the canned food. A deep cut. Meal was simple, but it was heartwarming.

Accompanying my mother to SGH tomorrow morning for the result for the scan, and to see what the doctor says. *cross fingers*

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

"I know God won't give me something I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

--Mother Theresa

The Reality. Just makes us want to be stronger.

"melody of handphone sounds"

me: "hello?"
father: "where are you?"
me: "bukit panjang plaza"
father: "mum has fainted at bugis. i'm going over to hospital to see her now."
me : shocked.. wasn't listening to what my father were saying afterwards.

I stood at the juncture of the pathways, and tears began forming in my eyes. All kind of possibilities ran through my mind. What ifs.. What ifs... and still What ifs... ?? Pekhar and Peixuan stared at me, not knowing what to do. I know they were lost, just like the way I was.

I rushed to the hospital with Pekhar in a cab.

By the time we reach there, Mum can be discharged already after rounds of checkups. She just looks so pale. There was no randiance glowing as usual on her face, and there was no smile on her face anymore. What replaces was emtions arising from pain. Endless pain it was.

She sounds very demoralized by what her looks was to become after the operation. I assured her again and again, but to no avail. She said she will just stay at home and cook for us. She doesn't want to go out as she feels so artificial. I'll keep on encouraging her.

Had a family meeting with Dad and brother just now. Dad asked us to be more independent and other stuffs which i shan't reveal here. :)

Agent is coming my house. Contacted my Coca Cola's boss, Patrick. His wife is a property agent, and i gather that it would be better to let someone we know handle all these transactions, lest we gets cheated by some fools.

Looks like my brother, my father and myself would have to take turns to take my mother for chemo-therapy everyday for the next 1 month after the operation. It's tiring, but its worth it.

I'm so tired now.