Just washed moi hair. Still having a lil of cramp. I hate it when my menses come. Can't drink coke, can't eat cold stuffs etc. It's really getting on my nerves.

Supposed to go to sch @ 1pm today. But hafta go earlier to do PQS project. Great isn't it. Boon Kee will be bringing her laptop for today. The next project meeting, we will be taking turns to bring to make sure that it's a fair system.

I dreamt of something horrible. It scare the wits out of me. I dreamt that he had a new gf called Ber. And they were staying together. Just opposite my unit. And everytime i can't see what they were doing since their door were always closed. I can't remember if i cried a not. But i knew my heart had this pain when i was dreaming about it and when i woke up.

Have a Understanding The Media test later.

Hafta take 67 all the way to Tampines to meet Shirley aft moi class and join in the ThanksGiving. But anyway, Really sorry to Jerry who called me yesterday but er, i sounded damn fierce. Coz i was studying fer test mar. Din really wanted to tok on the phone.

Update again about the outing. Will try to take pictures.

Anyway, my brother got into Precision Engineering at ITE Balestier. Able to specialise in Aerospace, Electronics or -forgot what-. But i heard from my mum that the Aerospace takes 3 yrs to complete. Same duration as a Poly dip. Anyway he's interested in the Aerospace lar. But then hafta study common modules across fer the 1st year lor. Then specialise in the 2nd year.

Hafta change liao. Ciaoz.

Yest night was well spent. Was in the midst of watching teebee when my dad suggested going to Orchard fer supper. And so we set off, for the food center opposite centerpoint. And we bought Sotong Mee and had grilled chicken wings. Suppposed to eat "Or jian" but then there were no more stock. GRR. The grilled chicken wings were superb. Perhaps i was h.u.n.g.r.y.

Yeah, slept like a pig until 7 plus. Decided i did not want to go to ECD lecture. Too sleepy. Went fer OM lecture. And i really regretted it. Sat there like a stone, and talked with Jean. Basically din do anything which makes me learn. I mean, no one was listening. Bad example uh?

Went back home after AAA tutorial.

Surfed net and got to know about the attack of the tsunami in Phuket and I think Southern Coast of India if i am not wrong. Villages were swept away and a lot of people died. Why is this so? I saw India women crying fer a Indian girl who laid lifeless in her arms. She tried to shook her up but she did not and won't ever wake up. A lot of people were crying. I think quite a lot of scenes can't be seen in Channel 8. Caught all this in CNN.

Does this signify the end of the world is coming?

It really sets me thinking.

My deepest condolences to those whose family members have passed away in this tragedy. May God bless you. Life still goes on. Be strong.

2004 is not a good year for the Earth.

May the new year be a blessed one.

Registering for Basic Theory tml. Goin with Jean, Pekhar, Shun Xing.

Merry Christmas. It's the day Christ was born!

Had an enjoyable Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve, meet Shirley and Xiaohan @ Bugis fer a V8 dinner. Had chicken cutlet and it was absolutely yummy. Tastes exceptionally heavenly when you devour it with an empty stomach especially. Rushed to Indoor Stadium fer Christmas Eve service.

Saw Sheryln and Jialing on my way to find Shirley's cell group. Such a warm coincidence!

Joined their group sitting @ quite a good view seat up in West B35-37 I still remember. Coz i was sms-ing Sheryln where i was sitting. LOL.

The service was great, with great breakdance performance and stage play of the various scences in bible re-enacted through the stage play. Birth of Christ and the stages went thrg by Joseph and Mary.

Still wondering if i should join em fer thanksgiving this thurs @ tampines. Eric's house. *ahem* Heard from Eric that there will be sushi and potluck. *grins* But still wondering if i should go. Since i am not sure whether my test will b finishing early or later than usual on thurs. Hmm.

Chelsea was complaining about hunger since i think she haven't ate from morning till nightime. And thus, we decided to go some ulu macdonald down somewhere. And as usual, the guys walked in front and we the girls, were walking behind. It was a long dim road. 3R's and 1W as usual. [Right place, right time right atmosphere and the WRONG person ] This was the theory i came up with myself, *smirks* Kinda pathetic. Xiaohan and myself shared one Mc'chicken Meal. Thinking of ways and means to break the burger into half without distorting the physical appearance of the burger.

Took Bus 16 to Orchard fer countdown, as suggested by the fussy & noisy Shirley. Still stucked in bus @ 1145. And i was wondering if we would get down in time to get to the countdown. We did, however was squeezed in between cars and people. In short and simple terms, it was HUMAN jam combined with TRAFFIC jam. IMAGINE it. Whole orchard was packed with people. And there was the snow foam and those colourful sprays everywhere. We had to push and hold hands in order not to get lost.

In the end still got lost.

Heard a blurred " 4..3..2..1 " and everyone started spraying the snow foams. Regardless of whether they knew you or anot. The whole orchard street was packed. I mean seriously packed. I had no place to breathe and people were pushing me from behind. And the street was slippery from all the foam. And there were emptied spray bottles everywhere. The cell group guy [forgot what's his name] pulled us to safety since we couldn't walk at all from the slippery walkway.

Nway, continued walking for quite sometime and got sprayed by some unknown idiots on my face and hair. And i felt so sticky and dirty all over.

Went to Xiaohan's place aft that to ton fer the night. Changed into her pyjamas. And they all said i had a "jie pi" which was to be as clean as possible. I don't share drinks with people etc etc. Forgot what else they mentioned liao.

Rushed to WAC aft that fer service. Pekhar and myself were like identical christmas trees! Watched the performance. And JJ Lin's performance with Si'er. And had buffet lunchie. Din know Jiewei was an extrovert. We talked a lot today during service. Oh ya, btw, there was turkey meat. Delicious. Especially with that gravy on top of it. But were only given a few slices. Hmmmm.

Meet Xiaohan aft that fer Kungfu Hustle. The show was quite exaggerated. Exaggerated to a point when i can't laugh. I mean, the show was entertaining alright. But wasn't as good as i expected. Me and Xiaohan gave it 3 stars out of 5 stars. But anyway supposed to watch the 250 show. But was fully occupied. Hence chose the 410 slot. But left only the front 2 rows i think. Thus had no choice but to watch the 510 show. We had 3 damn hours of free time. Shopped a bit. Loiter here and there. Went to Mos Burger to drink Milk Shake and her Ichigo Bliss(Frozen Strawberry) fer 2 damn hours. Chatted about quite a lot of things. Satisfied. =]

Ate Seoul Garden aft the movie. And i'm damn full now.

And now, just reached home not long ago. And i'm dead beat.

I left my specs @ Xiaohan's place. Great. Think i'm gonna perhaps ask my dad to fetch me to her place to specially take my specs. HAI.

Anyway, it's still 25th. So i'll wish all of ya a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


Cutest shoes i have ever seen. I'm gonna buy these fer my kids next time.


If i were a small kid, this would be my shopping paradise. Lotsa pretty bags.


Boliao until we read nursery story books in Kiddy Palace.


Tired until my eyes were so small. Boliao and trying to act studious.


Christmas Presents. Thanks fer all dose who gave me presents and send me Christmas greeting messages. Love y'all lotsa.

Went Christmas Shopping yest @ Bugis with my khakis, namely Jean Wee aka Smelly Toufu, Chongling and Wendy. Purposely skippsed EC [E-Commerce] Lecture in order to go shoppping. How great can girl's power be?

CHIONG to KFC after alighting @ Bugis after a very very long bus ride [Bus 61]. Too Hungry. Ordered the $3.95 2 piece chicken meal with Mashed Potato and a drink. Super worthwhile. Had thigh meat and drumstick. I think i should specify which part of the chicken i want in future, more "MEATY!" Hey shiok Hey shiok!

Went Shopping after that fer Jean's bf Weida prezzie. She bought a FRESHBOX top fer him and Chongling bought a FRESHBOX top fer her brother too. How sweet can that be? And of course, for their respective other halfs or "prospective other half". And me, NAH.

Wendy and ChongLing surprised me by giving me my Christmas Presents. Asking me to help her keep the present which i din know was fer who at first. Pretty Blur. In the end, got it. Wendy gave me a necklace with a star-shaped pendant and ChongLing gave me a small soft toy dog. How sweet my khakis are! I absolutely adore it to death babes.

Jean went to bought a book from Kinokuniya fer Eunice[her khakhi sis] and fer Benson[khaki sis de hao bf]. Later went to MU-EE and shopped around for more possible gifts to be. I spotted an eye rest which was peach in flavour and you could store it in either the fridge for 30mins or oven for 30 seconds for either ICE or HOT and let the soft thing rest on your eyes. Told Jean it was nice. And i thought she wanted to buy fer her another friend as she went to paid for it immediately. Little did i know that this khaki super duper nice sis of mine pass me the gift later on. I was touched and still super touched.

Aft that, went to get gifts fer my mum dad and bro pekhar and a few friends. Got my mum a "Anti Wrinkles Day Cream" and a Compact deodorant for my dad and a FRESHBOX top fer my bro. And a sweet lil notebook for my best pal which happens to be the hairiest woman of the century. And a *can't say* fer my Christmas Exchange gift with my cousins. And a few other things fer my *can't say also*.

Went to Mac to slack and little did i know it was so enjoyable sitting just there with your khakis and good friends. And they LOVES eating fries with mayonaise. SUPER SHIOK. Oh did i mention during our KFC lunch, they gave all their chicken de crispy skins to me coz they thought it was fattening. I'm seriously GUILTY. Very GUILTY. Someone gif me a TUMMISLIM as my Christmas Present please. Nah, just jokin. Gave my parents and bro their presents. I'm HAPPY when i see that they are HAPPY. I'm one HAPPY ger now. Though i'm BROKE until jialat jialat.

Here's the neoprints we took 2dae. Super fun machine.

I haven't felt this for a long time.

I woke up twice in the night, with pain shooting through my heart. And realising that he wasn't with me anymore. It was bizzare, how i could wake up suddenly in the middle of my dreams. Bizzare YES. Heartbroken YES. Sad YES. Tears flow NO.

I woke up in the morning @ 10.54. It was painful. So so so painful.

No contacts anymore. No news of him. No nothing. You are not a part of my life animore.

I'm learning how to live without you. And be strong without you.

It hurts, no doubt.

It's stinging my heart every moment every minute every second.

I've been thinking of u all these while. Is there ani way i can forget u and our memories? The only difference is that when I think of you now, it doesn't hurt so much anymore. Am i beginning to forget u and our memories? Why does our love haf to end this way?

Just reached home from a 4 hrs continuous tutorial. Namely Entrepreneurship and Marketing. Basically, i'll summarise what i did during the tutorial. Lay on my chair, kiao KA, shake shake shake and then took down notes, talk talk, laugh laugh. Doesn't it seem more like a gathering @ a kopitiam rather than a tutorial @ NP?

But anyway, i really feel like going for the Cambodia/Philippines Youth Programme this coming sem de holidays. But i can't. It's seldeom i felt so motivated and interested in an outdoor camping programme. I can't go because of the upcoming attachment. There's really no other way i can shift or postphone the attachment.

Going to CityLink with Jean tml. Gonna skip EC lecture.

Mum cooked Tang Yuan, curry etc. What a spread. I loved my Mom's curry.

Looks like a lot of people are sick these few weeks. Read my cousin's blog and her illness seems far more worse than mine. I know u must be feeling terrible, having to go to sch with all these sick feeling. Eat ur medicine regularly and i'm sure u will be well in no time.

Btw, we've decided not to go Pariss Buffet animore though i have already booked. It's too exp. Called yesterday to confirm my booking and the guy couldn't find my name. I guess the guy who attended to my call 1 week ago, either was BLUR or simply didn't get my instructions! I re-booked my slot. And i immediately regretted after that. There would be an extra charge of $10 since it was Christmas and the dinner timeslot was 5.30-730 i tink which leaves us with only 2 hours to eat. Decided it was not worthwhile after all, and made a haste decision to go Seoul Garden instead. HOORAY. Seoul Garden!

My breath's super HOT. And i'm feeling feverish. 37.4 degrees. Please please, dun let me fall sick again. But well, i deserved it. I can't resist the temptation of Long John Silver though i still have a bad cough and flu today. My taste bud's completely useless. I can't taste anything i ate.

Went to WAC today with Shiling, Pekhar and Peixuan. Service was fun. Will be joining em again for X'mas this coming Saturday @ the usual place @ German Center. I'm looking forward to it actually. Never thought i would. I guess I'm getting a little nearer to Jesus each time i went.

Ivan went to eat Pariss Buffet earlier this morning, but he msged me and told me that the place was fully booked. This "Uncle" was also attracted by the thread in the forum in which it praised this buffet rest to the skies. I wonder when i can afford the time to meet him for the KTV voucher 4 free hours. But its kinda weird, since i only met him once during KT forum outing.

Went to Shiling's place after the service after sitting @ the dining area with Michelle fer a long time. I'm surprised that Shiling actually shared so many things with us today. From Buddhism and Taoism to Christianity. She shared with us what she had learned thrg Si'er. Thanks Shuai GE [her nick].

Her doggie was super duper hyperactive. And it was urging me to play with him, while bitting on to his playball tightly, expecting me to snatch and play with him. But it's cute and friendly, unlike my dogs. This is her doggie Bi Bi, if i am not wrong in the spelling.



Think i'm gonna bring my dogs, i mean it this time, for a walk @ East Coast when i'm free. More or less hafta persuade my dad to drive us there. My 2 cutie dogs, I miss ya even when i'm typing this entry.

I'm gonna head to bed, and hopefully continue my dream. Btw, i dreamt that i was pregnant and i could really feel the heavy stomach weighing on me. I mean, it was such a REAL feeling. And i was dreaming that there were ghosts attacking me, when my alarm woke me up. Such an exciting part and it couldnt choose a better timing to wake me up. GRR.

But anyway watch KANG XI LAI LE [ a taiwan variety show] @ Shiling's Place, And Me and Pekhar was like laughing and laughing and laughing. While Shiling was tired until she felt asleep on her doraemon bluey bed.

Went to ikea the other dae with Pekhar.


My dream Bed.





Oh yeah. Did i say i was going to head to bed?

Yeap, serious this time.

MY BED! I'M COMING!

P/s: 9-4 lesson tml. Another shitty day.

Still feeling sick, but better. I'm a good girl. I ate my medicine!

Just came across this discussion thread in forum whether you are one of those who's laughing on the outside and crying on the inside. Guess I'm more or less this type of people bah. One of the member commented that it is a torture to live this way, but i think most of the girls r living this way. I mean, there's a lot of girls who replied to that thread, incld myself, most of them agreed to it.

And heard that there's this ear candling thing, in which they used a candle by whatever ways and rotate in a circular motion above ur ear and somehow all the ear wax will end up being 'sucked' out. It's an OLD and ANCIENT way, originating from don't know where. But it's $48 for 80 mins. Kinda exp. But i'm getting really interested in this. They will provide a face massage too. and it's really relaxing. I want this for my X'mas Present. Fairy GODMOTHER, did u hear this?

Going fer IS soon. 1-5pm class. I'm gonna be so so so DEAD.

Fairy GODMOTHER, i'm not too greedy. I only want a ear candling treatment and a sports shoes [good quality]. Please note the words in brackets. Fairy GODMOTHER, can you grant my wish?

I seriously think i'm crazy. LOL. Fairy GODMOTHER, WTH!

My mood is so-so today. I'm getting to be realli strong. I'm glad i made it this far. God knows what's best for me, only if i entrust my faith and future to him.

From breakup till now, the array of emotions that i feel is like a Rainbow. From the lightest to the darkest. From relief, closure, confusion, heart break, sadness, anger, jealousy. vulnerability, strength, etc... There's too many to be mentioned.

I'm looking damn forward to X'mas Eve and X'mas day itself. Going for some City Harvest Christmas Carol or don't know what with my beloved Shirley and Xiaohan, Shirley promised us that this time it won't be as long as the previous time i went City Harvest. Then after that, perhaps going to Orchard to join in the fun and catch hold of the atmosphere a lil. After that, going to Xiaohan's place to stay. Shirley wanna cook Spaghetti for supper.

Then after that, meeting Xiaohan again on X'mas for Pariss Buffet. Haven decide the later programs though. But 2 daes is enough to burn my pocket. =]

Xiaohan, lets find a weekend to go Sentosa to PLAY PLAY PLAY. LOL.

Going to prepare to go to sch. Ciaoz.

Still feeling sick with a bad throat, cold and a damn cough. Still feeling tired. Still feeling tired. Still feeling tired. Still feeling sneezy. Still feeling sneezy. Still feeling sneezy.

I saw him online again. This time, i mustered all my courage and typed a "HI" to him, after given much encouragement from Ken and Jean. But after a few seconds, he went OFFLINE. Damn farking expected. Even though my nick had this "farking sick" in brackets behind my nick from noon, he also din care and din bother to ask after me.

I did something AGAIN. And discovered something.

I was thinking, why should i farking restrict myself of happiness. When he's busy burying himself in work and in thoughts of going to the colourful sdyney. My heart is so damn farking piece-of-shit DEAD.

But i wanna thanks Jean and Pekhar fer listening to my complaints.

My stupid Rosy jus sneezed 3times. Stupid her.

Flu is very very very cham. Whole nose stucked and whole head headache.

Still have IS tml. Suay ar. *MING KU*

Signed up for the open house thing with ST, Grace and Regina they all. Gonna help with the NP Open House in guiding all those sec sch kids. Hmmm. Hope it will be a wonderful experience. Same Purpose. I just wanna earn more points.

I'm gonna slp soon.

Pekhar's simply missing my ever-famous AH LI MAGGIE MEE too much. She will be coming to moi place and specially ask me cook maggie mee with luncheon meat for her. It's my speciality. No fliming please. And no reporters PLEASE. I hate GOU ZAI DUI (dog kill team). Pekhar, if u want me to cook for u, please prepare a GOLD apron for me. Thanks.

Btw, *hugz MANPING*, Thanks for ur X'mas card!!!! Simply LOVE u!!!! =] I'm not les btw.

I'm sick. Felt cold fer the whole dae. Luckily i have my sweater with me, if not i think i will freeze to death. Got a slight fever and a cough & sore throat. My body's feeling weak all over, almost wanted to gave up on me.

Went for Entrepreneurship tutorial and tutor was damn farni, keeping me awake. First time i found myself to be sitting straight and actually leaning forward, excited to hear the next topic he will be talking. The way he conduct his lessons is so much more enriching and fun compared to e other tutors. Always sharing with us his experience. Oh ya, he told us there was a car model which was damn popular and sales was very good in Japan. But when that car came to SG, the sales was so much different. You know why? Because the car model was called Nissan Bluebird. Translate to Hokkien man. You will see the reason. SG's people comprise mainly of Hokkiens mah which was why the car model never really sold.

Then went fer Marketing tutorial. I volunteered to be the Marketing Rap. Reason was simple. I wanted to earn points. But the tutor was a petite female who was kinda funny, laughing at whatever she says. Sometimes i was like, *gong gong* wondering what is she laughing at?

Went for Specialisation Option Briefing fer Yr 3 in Convention Center after my tutorial. Before that, slack and ate Taufu Goreng, Tutu Kueh, 1 Tea leaf egg and an orange juice in Ctn 1. Tryin not to eat that much, but i can't..... My stomach was too hungry..!!

I think fer this Year, it's a bit different. 3 Pathways. Pathway 1 : Specialise in HRM fer the 2 sems. Pathway 2 : Specialise in HRM fer 1 of the sem and then haf industrial attachment for 6 mths. Pathway 3 : Mix'N Match meaning Specialise in HRM for 1 of the sem and then perhaps u can choose either one of the 5 specialisation available for eg Marketing fer the 2nd Sem.

But it will hafta depend on the popularity of the pathways before determining. Hafta do a web survey by 21 dEc. I was thinking more of like, either Pathway 2 or 3. But i was thinking for the IAP, if i'm skalli attached to a lousy company, happening liao. Stucked there for 6 mths. I think this is the first time the specialisation options are being made so flexible. But it hafta depend on academic performance for the past 2 yrs, to determine whether u r selected to ur choice i think.

TO LONG TO LONG. KE LIAN KE LIAN WO.

I'm gonna rush my OM tutorial fer tml. And then get an earli sleep. OH. Hafta watch 9pm show. And then SLEEP. And haf a sweet dream and wake up to a day full of lectures and tutorials again.

I have booked fer X'mas dinner Pariss Buffet. *YUMMY*

Joining Aerobics in NP with Jessie.

Pekhar, so are u ON fer this weekend Queensway's shopping?

God bless the one who's reading this. I love my friends.

- Single for 2 months 1 dae. -

I'm having a terrible ache in my shoulders and feet. Carried 4 damn farking books to town.

Went to Hougang Mall earli in e morning to exchange books with a girl called Fiona. Supposedly to sell her my books @ $65 for 4 modules. But i think her peanut brain can't get it or either there's a miscommunication somewhere between her and siew teng and that friend. I'm so farking pissed. She came, and conquered my books. But acted as if she wasn't supposed to PAY then sae if there's anithing, she will call us. I GONG DIAO. I asked Siew teng, WHERES THE FARKING MONEY! She chased after Fiona. Then Fiona sat down with us to discuss. She insisted on exchanging the books, when i came all the from CCK to damn shitty HOUGANG to sell her e books and she told me she wanna EXCHANGE. She haven't seen what's hell i guess.

Settling on Mondae. Passing her the FMGT textbook.

Dragged the heavy thick books to Orchard. Was pressurized into donating $3 fer something which i can't even hear clearly. I don't even haf enuff for myself, yet they wans me to donate. I swear, next time i'll gif em HELL.

Bag's hurting me like hell. Pressing onto my shoulder with the weight of 2 damn books inside. Struggling to walk properly considering the fact that i was TRYING hard not to walk like a penguin since was wearing the shoe for the 2nd time. TRYING hard not to yawn and fall asleep while walking. TRYING hard not to think bt those memories. I did it.

Had a great time eating laska @ the small antique kopitiam @ Lucky Plaza.

Thanks Pekhar for treating me to chocolate sundae which was worth $7.2 @ PS.

Had a great chat also. Guess i realli bare my heart to her. Thanks ger fer listening.

I'm sick and tired of standing @ the same spot & not moving.

I'm gonna move on.

Thanks fer being so hard hearted to me.

Maris, thanks fer sharing ur story. Jan's our date.

Xiaohan, i ON u fer X'mas. Pariss Buffet. Who's calling to book? You or me?

PQS tutorial sucks. Especially with tutor Lilian Loo around. Can't she stop wearing her specs that low? Makes her look like an old saggy hag. Stupid hairstyle she has. Never change from the very first dae i saw her when i was in Yr 1. Seems like i haf a lot of projects to be done this sem. Thank god.

He sms me this morning when i was still lying in bed. I still thought whose number was that, seems so familiar. And it struck me. It was his number. And my heart jumped. He thanked me fer the card and wishes. Telling me to take care and god bless. He sae he was realli touched and appreciate what i haf done. I did not reply him. 2 hours later, i replied while in PQS tutorial. I apologise fer the late reply and ask him not to mind that i din get him a prezzie. He replied Nono.. It's okie... Very nice of you already... Take care...

And i din reply.

I don't have the heart to reply. I don't know what to reply. Obvious he din wan to continue the conversation. Saying a "take care" @ the end of the sms. Might as well dun reply. I think i'll be better off without replying him.

But i missed him so. My heart is in pain.. In agony.. But tears have already dried up long ago. I want to cry, but tears just can't seem to flow out.

I know my friends r dying for me to recover. I want to recover. Ur think i dunwan meh? But how can i rush these kind of things? Especially when you have a 3 yrs relationship with this guy. I feel so lost.

Why is it that i feel i can tok to no one when everyone is right beside me? Or rather, i don't want to trouble my friends. I don't want you all to worry fer me. I don't want you all to listen to me. I don't want you all to think i am irritating, always digging up the old past. But once again, who will understand how i feel?

My life is in a mess. I can't see where i am heading to. I suddenly feel so empty inside.

Please dun reply to this post of mine. I don't want to trouble u all.

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool

So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Catch myself from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy every day
I know I will be OK

But I was So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
what is lost inside
And I hope that in time, you'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

A song i loved so much it has become my blog song. Felt as if this song was specially written fer me. Gabrielle - Out of reach.

Just finished spring cleaning my room. Become so neat i couldn't quite believe what i was seeing. Threw all the neoprints and photos and movie stubs into a box and on to the top cupboard. A place i won't be bothered to open and see what's inside.

I should stop eating those damn choco Ando bought for me. It's realli too delicious but it's too fattening. STOP IT CINDY. Tummy is already showing like a balloon.

A new year is coming though it doesn't feel like it.

Must start planning my resolution fer the new year.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

.
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He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.



KTV session was not bad. Sang until my throat almost burst. Mum kept asking me to repeat and repeat one of da songs. Think she lurve that song. In the end, during the last half an hour or so, i had no chance to sing at all. Hahaha. But still great fun overall.

I have got a valentine date. And that's my dearest xiaohan coussie. Yeah!

Came across this thread. Seems like a lot of questions were raised in a book called "Sophie's World"

(1) Who are you?
(2) Where does the world come from?

Some say
A(1) You are what you want to be, A(1.2) Who i am? I also dont know A(1.3) Evidence of the existence of human being. A(1.4) I am who i am.

A(2) The world doesnt comes from anywhere. It is just a place. Its the people living on it that makes it a world A(2.1) The world has a life of her own. She evolves and reshapes herself over millions and millions of years. She has come a long way. In time, she beautifies herself and soon all kinds of living things grew on her. She sometimes grew into temper, but we the creatures eventually continue to live and evolve to adapt to her moods. We call her the Mother Earth after all. A(2.3) Our world is jus a cell of another world.

This starts me thinking. Who am i? Why am i here? What is my purpose for living? Where does the place i am living in come from? Are there really GODS up there? When will i die? How will i die?

Enjoy your life, for there is plenty of time to be dead.

Okie damn it. He's online now. But i have already blocked him long ago. So he sees me as offline. It hurts, but it hurts even more when i c him go offline just because i am online. . . . MING KU AR! If u're feeling better because u can't c me online, i'll be forever offline in ur list.

My Heinekein has come. Let me drown myself in sorrow.

I have been thinking, why do i need such a long time to decide what i should write in the bdae card when he doesn't even gif it a farking damn? Why did i spend such a long time thinking of what should i give him for his bdae? Why should i even consider even buying Oakley stuffs fer him? Why should i do all this when i'm nobody to him?

Talked in MSN with Jean earlier on. Can feel she was realli angered by my actions. I told her what i wrote in the bdae card and she asked me why did i write all dose? I told her i just wanted a last hope. I also don't know why the hell did i keep giving myself false hopes when deep down inside, i know he won't ask me back. She told me, if he wanted to ask me back, he would have done so long ago. If he really loves me, he wouldn't have ignored me for months.

I guess what she said makes sense too.

Now, i just hafta get the damn bdae card sent out. Though i know he wun reply by any means to me. I know he won't reply, but what i need is just some confimation on his part to make me give up. So now what he have to do, is NOT to reply to me. And there, i will be on the road in no time.

I realise with each passing day, the more i have no idea as to his life. The more i am getting used to the life of being single and the days without him. The more i fall back into the pit, e more faster i am able to get out compared to the last.

Time spent on grieving is time lost on enjoying other things.

P/s : Going fer a KTV session with moi mother. I hope it cheers me up. FCUKING bdae card, just get away from me and go into that MAIL!!

I'm back from school. 1st day of school. Not enjoying it one bit. Friends asked me whether i cut my hair and Chongling commented that it was a nice haircut. Thanks girl.

Went for Entrepreneurship Lecture. And it was purely theoretic. Wasted my time. Sat there and stared @ the Screen for a looong time. Feels like a few hundred centuries. Finally, it was over. *phew*

Then went for Operation Management Lecture. This was another idiotic lecture. Left during the break. I can't really be bothered to sit there quietly and listen to the damn farking lecturer go on and on about his theories and stuff.

Went to WM for sushi with Wendy, Jean, Regina, Siew Teng and Chongling.

Called Yiling regarding my damn farking timesheet left in the office thing. And she said she can't find it in the office. Okay, Great then. I had to call the damn agency de Charmaine to tell her bt it. She seems quite irritated. Whatever. Then, we worked a way out. She faxed another timesheet to em to ask for their signature and company chop.

I'm so damn worried i can't get the exact pay. I mean, did i mis-calculated? I told her the daes i worked and the hours i worked, all out of what i could remembered. I hope not. If not, i will go to the doorstep of the Recruit Express and then slashed my wrist for em to see, see whether they will gif me the damn $42 anot. Suspecting i mis-calculated one of the daes. Or did i not.

Jean came to my place after sushi to wait for Weida since he went fer a haircut. She read CLEO while i surfed my precious internet.

I'm so tired now. I wanna sleep. But can't. If not, i can't sleep tonight.

Btw there's no school tml. Tutorials fer the whole day. No tutorials fer da 1st week la dei. And there's a 2 hour lecture on Wed, but we won't be going. How cool and united. Hahaha.

I'm gonna sleep my fill.

Some neoprints :









Some pictures of my farewell lunch :













Last picture is of me and the new girl.

Great. I have finished blogging.

Gosh. So tired. Almost fell asleep in the LRT while standing. Went to Pioneer Seafood Rest @ Tuas to have our farewell lunch. And the bill totalled to $220++. God. Felt so guilty for spending so much of Ando-San's money. I don't think he liked the meal coz he wasn't used to Chinese dishes. However, he was realli satisfied with the chilli crabs and the sweet corn soup. Hafta order to suit everyone's taste which was really difficult.

Now downloading pictures that Jasman had sent me via Yahoo Mail.

Going to watch "Saw" with our dear Jiewei and Miss Mao mao. I'm like a lightbulb. Energizer battery somemore. Fully charged. Get it?

Ando bought a few more boxes of sweets and chocolates for me. So *touched*

I left my stupid timesheet there. Maybe gonna meet Yiling @ Jurong Point on Monday to collect it. Or maybe ask her fax over to Recruit for me.

Heartpain striking me like HELL again.

My mum's back. Thank god. Makes me wonder no more.

Sch is reopening. DAMN IT!

In the office now. Im gonna miss the office and my colleagues so much in a few hours time. It's my last day of work today. I'm really beginning to miss them so much. For once, i wish i could work here instead of starting school. It's such a damn dread. Can anyone out there understand how i feel?

Yesterday met the new girl, Yiling. 20 years old, Graduated from NP with a dip in BS(HRM). Exactly what i was aiming for. Asked her about the majoring in HRM stuffs. Heard it's a lot of theories involved. No statistics. Great. I'm aiming for that. I'm good in memorising only. Stupid blardy me. Orientate her and i guess i was a bad example. Taught her to surf net in the office and crapped a lot. In which i don't even know what i was talking. Of course, i taught her all i knew and handed my duties over to her.

Went to SINGPOST to pay Ando's bills and walked to Ten Mile de Shop'N Save to buy snacks for them. [Since i ate and drank most of their things] Oops. Bought and it totalled $12+. Ando bought chocolates for me. He told me to put more overtime hours. He said he wanted to gif that as a present to me, wanted to help me earn more pocket money for school he says. But i declined. It's not nice doing things like that, when they treated me so well. I reaped what i sow.

After that, Ando-San sent us out on an errand to KSP. And both of us were wondering if we could go home after that since it was already 1pm. But our good old boss estimated the time we will reach and finish our errands, told us to go home after that. Great great boss. Jasman drove us to KSP and on the way, we talked a lot with another site supervisor. Told us not to get too frenly with the workers there. Coz sometimes when they see us, they will whistle and kinda like tease a bit here and there. But i guess its normal in sites, since they r despo freaks.

Ando-San will be giving me a farewell lunch later. Jasman asked me to choose wht i wan to eat and the location. But i realli don't know what to eat. Asked em to make the decision for me. At first, wanted to eat Jap. But it was 3 against 2. Only Ando and Me was okie with Jap food. Jasman, Wen and John strongly opposed the idea coz they thought sushi was disgusting. OH MY!

So later gonna go TUAS eat seafood. Ando grant permission for a 2 hours break. Then after that, they driving me to JP to collect Ando's Laundry. And then it will be officially over. My 2 weeks temp admin with Kurita Waters. Such an unforgettable experience.

Yest went watch movie with Dex after singing KTV with my coussies. I was grumpy like hell yest. Heard the song "hao xin fen shou" in the KTV. And i started to cry like my tears were FOC. This was the song i hated in the past. But he loves that song when it first came out. The more we listen in the car, the more i grew to love it. And the more i hear of the lyrics, the sooner the tears flooded my eyes.

WHY DID U LEAVE ME?

He came online a while the day before yesterday. And it was my brother who smsed me and told me about it. And just nice, i was in the office. Went online and saw him. But he went offline immediately after seeing me online. Are u realli hating me so much? Or you just don't want me to be sad and just wan things the way they are? I'm not the worm in ur stomach, i won't know what u r thinking.

A guy in friendster pte msg me . . .

u seem not interested in other who wanna know u... give urself another chance and other a chance... free ur mind from e unhappiness...write it on a piece of paper put it inside a bottle and throw it into e sea... let e sea wash again ur trouble = )take care...

This is somewhat true. I don't know how to face new people again.

Haiz.

FCUK. Getting hungry over all these typing. I'm gonna eat those chocolates.